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Monday, September 17, 2012

Of course.

I decided I needed to try and open my mind a little more to this guy, we'll call him SC.  So I messaged him, and we chatted, and I suggested he come over to watch Monday Night Football with me after my workout.  It looks like that will probably happen. He seemed pleased by the invite.

Fifteen minutes later I get a picture text from Artboy, unsolicited.  I open it up and there he is, dashing in his Monday work ensemble, and I hate him for it.  I wrote earlier about our non-event of a conversation last night, I spent some time today thinking about how I'm wasting my energy with him, and that he is not a proper stand in for a relationship. 

And then this.  I'm so easily persuaded when it comes to him.  So easily moved.  I remember the fierce physical attraction, and I think of how I've not had one like it with another in ages, and that even in the whole history of Bluemoon romantic liasons, he is far and away the strongest physical connection.  So I hate him for it.

I hate him for his timing.  I hate him for somehow KNOWING when I was perched precariously on the edge of something out of my comfort zone, and I hate him for choosing that exact moment to reach out to me.  How do they know?

I should ignore it. 
I should give him a taste of his own forgetful, absentminded, disconnected medicine. 

It is not in my nature to say no to him.  It is not in my nature to ignore him.  I stupidly think about what the weekend would have been like if I substituted him in for my Saturday plans.  Spent 14 hours with him.  I think about how I would have felt if he contacted me Sunday, and I know the difference.  I would have been excited.  Heart fluttering and racing.  Ecstatic.  No doubt.  If he'd wanted to hang out that afternoon, and tonight, I would have said yes. 

My stomach is churning right now, no exaggeration.  The timing is uncanny.  I'd decided to let him be. 

Now I'm sitting here with another picture of him in my phone, and trying like hell to just let it be.  I had this thought that if he wanted to see me tonight...how would I get out of plans with SC? 

No one should have this kind of power over another person.  WTF is it about him?  Is he just a handy, sexy as hell symbol of that which I've needed recently?  No obligations, no expectations, no labels?  Or is it actually about him specifically?  I suspect it's a combination. 

Don't worry, I'm not going to alter plans with SC.  That much I can promise.  Beyond that, I just don't know.

15 comments:

  1. The physical connection thing is so difficult to just overlook. I don't know how they know but I remember when my ex contacted me for the first time in MONTHS the first night I ever spent with another guy. How do they know? If things are going well with the SC guy, if it were me, I'd try and put artboy on the back burner for a bit. It would suck to compromise something that could be awesome for something you know isn't going any where. But I certainly feel for you with the physical thing; some people are just magnetic and those, unfortunately, are usually the people you should stay away from!

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  2. If it were me, and of course its easier said than done, I would cut Artboy out of my life.

    The last guy I dated, Aquaman, likes to do this. He has been contacting me randomly via text. Its like he knows I'm so over him and then my phone beeps.

    What are you really getting out of Artboy? He is a sparker, if there is passion, fine, but passion burns fast and leaves painful memories. The new guy seems like a slow cooker. Maybe there is no passion yet, but give it time, don't write him off, or blow him off for a guy that isn't offering you anything.

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  3. Hun I'm n agreement with the girls on this. To a certain extent Artboy is becoming a crutch. It doesn't sound like the kind of situation that is emotionally fulfilling and is probably only stressing you out. I dated a guy once who continued to contact me for months after we broke up and every time we spoke it just brought me a world of hurt. Find someone that is consistent in how they act and how they make you feel. Having someone that alternates between making you feel awesome and making you feel like crap is never going to have a good ending. I would cut contact before it does any damage to your progress.

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  4. @Ames: It is very difficult. He is magnetic for sure, but I know he is not a thing of substance. I never responded to the pic, so tonight he IMed me and said hello, then told me my phone was broken. ;) Pretty sure that just means he was flummoxed that I didn't respond to the picture at all. I will try to back burner him. Thank you for commiserating....I know it's really easy with my situation to be like "Boot him, he's bad for you." May be true, but harder to do than to say. :/

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    1. Yes, soooo much easier said than done. I was in this cycle for like 2 years and it took a while to actually feel totally freed from it. It's odd that he thinks he can just contact you and you'll respond no matter what and if you don't, something MUST be wrong with your phone.

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    2. @ames: On that front, I do believe he was (mostly) joking. However, I definitely think a little bit of him was miffed. And that's A-OK. ;)

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  5. @Danielle: Unfortunately it's much easier said than done. I know it's illogical, I know it doesn't make sense, but it's very, very hard for me to consider cutting Artboy out. Very. If I could find a way to relegate him to a healthy role and leave him there, that would be preferable, but...we'll see.

    What do I get from him? You said it, it's the sparks. I want that kind of chemistry. I don't want to give it up. He's not all terrible like I often portray him, but he's certainly not all great at all, not even a little. Sigh.

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  6. @ThatAshGirl: He probably is a crutch. I fall back on him when I'm lonely, when I need an ego boost, when I'm bored, when I'm feeling impulsive or reckless. But I also think on some level my thing for him is holding me back, and I don't know if it's maybe on purpose? If I stay hooked on the sugar rush of Artboy, then I don't have to open myself up to the reality of anything beyond him.

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    1. If that's what comes to mind it's probably true. At least you're insightful enough to be aware of it.

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  7. bluemoon: You have a male perspective post left for you under my last blog post. I think you'd enjoy :)

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  8. @ames: Thank you for the heads up! :) I am short on male perspectives, so I'm intrigued!

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    1. LOL I think Elliot has become our official male perspective mascot.

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    2. Elliott & SMB, maybe [See below]! The more the better. :)

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  9. I concur with what the dude said (as a fellow male). Artboy is all about himself and getting some action, that's what it comes down to. View him as one of those creeps that asks you about sex right from the start, with the only difference being he has some common sense and isn't socially inept. And the other guy, SC, seems like a normal, nice guy. Didn't kiss you on the 2nd date? Yeah, been there done that plenty of times. Now if he doesn't try on the 3rd date, then I don't know what's up with him :).

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  10. @SMB: You know how you can recognize that someone is wrong for you, but it doesn't make it any easier to let go? That's where I am here. I've been here for about a year and a half now. I think the real problem is that we started out legit dating, and we had a really good dynamic, and he was sweet and sincere. I think I still attribute those characteristics to him even though they are very, very rarely seen these days.

    As far as SC, I guess I've just become so jaded to my dates trying to either paw at me immediately or dumping me for not SLEEPING with them after 3 dates that it's hard to remember that something like this does happen still! :)

    Thanks for weighing in, I truly do appreciate the male perspective!

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