Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Self-Correcting Universe

I wore jeans and a tank top.  The jeans were a little loose around the waist, and it was a nice change. I reveled in it, just a bit.  My hair was untouched, no curling iron to fix my manic, now rumpled curls.  No newly applied face of makeup, no illogical concern over what earrings to wear.

I was barefoot and curled up on my couch, laptop in front of me, when he showed up at my suggestion.  I was still flushed with the accomplishments of the evening.  My cheeks were ruddy and warm, and his hands felt cool on my face when we kissed.

He told me how great I looked.  Seemed impressed by my efforts, asked if my trainer had a crush on me. The answer is no, of course. ;-) 

I'm telling you, setting aside all of our mutual dysfunction, that kid can make me laugh.  Hard.  Over and over.  We talk so much when we see each other in person; it's like I'm catching up since the last time, even though we talk most days via text or IM.

Until the end of July I hadn't seen him face to face in nearly six months.  That was a record and it felt like an interminable drought.  I'd mostly given up on the idea of seeing his face again.  And yet, since the last weekend in July, I've now seen him four times.  Our patterns are strange. 

Hearing him tell me how good I looked, in particular when I was casual Bluemoon, everyday Bluemoon, was blushworthy, and happy-inducing.  It's like the universe heard my musings about our dynamic, the one I'd put in place myself.  The universe heard, and I squared my shoulders and proceeded boldly, confidently, refusing to give in to the chattering, urging voices in my head.  I got the compliment and I got the appreciation, even though I was only wrapped up in my everyday packaging.

The best part of the evening, though?  It was knowing that I looked good, and that I felt lovely in my own right, before he even walked in the door.

It's awesome to get validation from others.  I look forward to the days when my efforts become more visibly noticeable and co-workers and friends comment on it.  It will be pretty great to get more attention on these silly dating sites because I am looking better and more fit, even if I will probably roll my eyes and complain about all the shallow, physical based messages I get.  It's all part of the game, you see.  ;-)

However, that's all just gravy.  I started this lifestyle change for me, and it remains about me.  I can't wait to see what awaits me the further I get into this adventure of taking care of me!


  1. The validation from others is good because it helps to keep you motivated, but its nothing compared to knowing you look good. Congrats on the measurement check in! So awesome!