Unimpressed

Unimpressed, indeed.  Yesterday was not an encouraging day in the Bluemoon dating universe!

To clear up the SC issue...my instincts have been going haywire with regards to him since the day after our first date.  When I had my meltdown on Saturday before the marathon date, it was triggered by these weird feelings that he reminded me of my evil ex.  However, I couldn't tell for sure if it was just my own baggage coming up, or if it actually had to do with SC specifically.  He talked me down some over the phone, I went on the date and we had a really good time.

Since then, though, the red flags have been chasing along behind me.  First, the sleeping through Monday plans.  Not great, but perhaps forgiveable.  Bailing on Wednesday because he didn't feel well.  Fine, though I wasn't pleased. 

We had this IM exchange yesterday that really rubbed me the wrong way, and again personified my issue with him.  Over IM and text, he is defensive.  Condescending.  It almost seems like he wanted to pick a fight.  He made some snotty comment to me and I just disengaged.  I said "Ok.  I have to go to a meeting" and was done.  I've not heard from him since, and I don't intend to contact him.

I think on some level my instincts were right.  He was great in person, in these beginning times, but there are red flags in his temperment and patience levels, and the condescension....I will NOT do that again.  So in spite of a good first date and a great second one, I predict no third date for SC.  I feel settled in that decision, and it feels right.  Something was off.

Setting that aside, I had another date last night.  It had been a long time since I'd shown up for a date, met the person, and immediately felt so fiercely unattracted to them.  It was fairly awful.  I wanted to just turn and walk out the door, but he recognized me from my picture and I was stuck.  I couldn't have actually left, anyway, as I'm not that mean, but the thought/desire crossed my mind! I didn't recognize him at all.  Talk about tricky pictures and false advertising. 

The meal was polite, but forced.  I wanted to be anywhere but at that booth with that person.  ANYWHERE.  We met at 9 and I was in my car driving home by 9:50, and yet it was still the longest almost hour ever.  DATE FAIL.

I got home and just zoned out.  I'd wasted two hours on another bad date, I made an effort to look nice, I hurried home after my trainer to shower and get pretty, and all for someone I couldn't be attracted to if you paid me.  Sigh.

Speaking of the trainer, my session last night was miserable.  He had me outside, altering running laps and jumping rope for the first 40 minutes.  We finished out the session inside, doing what seemed to be a succession of the exercises I find to be the most difficult.  It was hard as hell.  I felt bad for complaining a fair amount, so I texted him afterward to thank him for pushing me when I wanted to say "I can't".  I appreciate him and what he's doing for me and with me more than I can imagine, so I wanted to be sure to end on that note last night.  I expect more running on Saturday at boot camp because he told me there will be more!

Finally, Artboy.  I ignored an IM from him last night.  He didn't say anything meaningful or that required a reply, but normally I would have responded.  I stared at it long and hard, and I didn't respond.  Eventually he went offline and it was done.  Why is it that I can know that he has not responded to things I've sent him many, many times in the past, and yet I feel so bad not replying to him?  It's not in my nature to ignore an IM or a text, especially from someone I like, and I think the issue is that we both know that. 

Whatever.  Bottom line is I didn't respond.  We'll see if/when he contacts me again, and we'll see what happens then.  My goal is not to cut him off entirely, at least not at this point.  My goal is to re-define the power dynamic, quit being the easy answer, the fallback plan, the last minute, late night girl.  You don't see me unless you take me out and we do something in public like normal people.  You don't get to talk to me like I'm a sure thing, and you don't get to be an ass and not suffer any consequences in how we communicate.

I hope friday improves.  I'm looking forward to going home tonight, getting to the gym and getting a good workout in, then coming home and maybe watching a movie.  This week has been pretty exhausting, and I'm ready for a low key night!