So I've had a solo week. For some reason, through a combination of snow days, lingering bad weather, a cold on BF's side of things, and a scheduled session with trainer, I went from seeing BF many times last week to not seeing him at all since Sunday.We have plans Saturday evening, and that will be our first get together this week.
Yesterday I was bemoaning this fact to him, and said it was probably for the better since he had the cold, anyway. [Yes, he is a man, and so his cold is way more significant than it would be for a woman. Yeah, I said it!] So I let it go, and along with it the notion of trying to see him Thursday night, and resigned myself to seeing him Saturday. I decided that I would spend my Thursday night doing a little shopping, running a couple errands. I made a list of my desired stops today while at work, and I decided that I'm having a serious craving for Wendy's, so this will be my dinner.
So at 3:30pm, Bluefish messages me and asks, "Do you want to get dinner or something tonight?" I read it and my first reaction was frustration. NOW you ask? After I spent all week missing you? I didn't reply to it right away, and when I did, I replied honestly. "I don't really feel like making the drive to the midway point tonight actually."
He responded that he was actually still at work (thus would have come to me), but said he would go ahead and head home. I explained that in the absence of plans with him tonight, I'd made some Bluemoon solo plans, and I was going to proceed with those.
"Alright. I tried!"
Sure, he tried. At the last minute, and I told him as much. :-)
I thought about giving in when he asked. It was what I'd wanted all week! But all week long when we'd talked about missing each other, no plan to fix this was suggested. He kept referencing his cold, and how we'd make up for it on Saturday. I felt disappointment each time he said these things, but accepted them and we agreed to plan better from now on.
So I could have easily given in when he suggested this at 3:30. Did I want to see him? Sure. But on this timetable? When I'd made plans in lieu of seeing him? No, they were not important plans. But I'd been looking forward to them throughout the day. And I'd realized I wasn't feeling that social today, anyway. And above all that, I got up late and went to work with dirty hair (remedied only by dry shampoo, which is about as effective as a 25% real shampoo!). So even though I've gotten compliments on my hair today (?!?), I know it's dirty, and thusly I do not feel super alluring. And I'm tired. And all I really want out of the rest of this Thursday is Wendy's, to buy cat food, maybe make a couple of quick shopping stops, go home, make chicken enchiladas that will serve as lunch tomorrow and saturday, watch some DVR, and maybe go to bed at a reasonable hour. This is what I want for my Thursday.
I adore my boyfriend. I want to see him. I'm excited to see him Saturday and I'm still bummed that this week ended up the way it did. But in the end, my plans with myself, no matter how trifling or silly they are, mattered more to me today. My weekend is packed, and I know that I won't feel relaxed if I can't get these errands done, if I don't have a planned night to myself when I was expecting it.
I want to give BF the best version of me. I know it's not realistic all of the time, but I know what I need in order to be a happy Bluemoon, and tonight, that's what I'm sticking to.
Hopefully it doesn't make him feel miffed or anything weird. Hopefully he understands that sometimes, a little notice is nice. And hopefully he will just be all the happier when he does see me on Saturday. :-)
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