We seriously started talking about it around our anniversary. We want to live together, but the trouble is the reality of it all. So after a lot of discussion, we decided upon the following plan of action:
Over the course of the next month or two, I will stay out at BF's place randomly on work nights to check out the various commuting options. Subsequently, I will spend an upcoming month living exclusively with BF at his house. The commute will suck. No denial there. But we are both cautious, and we both have things to lose, so we want to be sure. We want to see how living together for a full month goes. We expect it will be fine, but we both agree we'll feel better if we have a trial under our belts.
BF has a house that he owns to deal with. I have less in terms of material things to lose, but I love my apartment and I do NOT want to give it up like I did with my condo before when I moved in with Angry Ex, and it was a huge failure.
I do realize that obviously a month isn't a full picture. Honestly, though-we could do this for six months or even a year and not encounter every unknown. We just want a real block of time, with work days and commuting and household chores and downtime that's not spent together to see how we fare. If it goes well, as we expect, then it's onward and upward.
At that point we'll start really looking into finding a rental place to live in. We don't want to automatically buy right away because we're not 100% positive where we want to be, and again, I want more stability before I take that step, as does he. The goal would be to hopefully have his house situation resolved (sold or rented) by the fall or thereabouts, with us living together somewhere in the middle of our two areas at that time.
Yes, it's inconvenient, and more to me than him (the trial period). But realistically, it's our only option. I have a one bedroom, one bath apartment. He has his daughter most weekends, plus a houseful of furniture and we have two cats between us. My place isn't a real option for this step. So I'll suck it up and deal with the crappy commute for a month, with the bigger picture in mind.
Luckily BF has been fantastic about it, knowing it's going to be harder for me. He's offered various things, including changing his work hours so our commutes match up better, taking me and picking me up from park & ride, etc. He is open to anything and I 100% believe that he'll do his best to make the time period as easy as he can.
Moreover, I'm excited about this. :-) I know it isn't ideal and it's not how I would have chosen to do this, and it's going to take a lot of time to get where we want to be...but it's a step. And it's a step that's in our universe now, and it's something we talk about routinely, and the idea of seeing him first thing every morning and last thing every night...love it.
So that's the update on that! I'm sure I'll talk about it a lot more in coming months, but I wanted to lay out the initial information first. :-)