Thursday, November 13, 2014


So yesterday around noon I went to my supervisor's office right around the corner to discuss a few things.  Ten minutes later I came back to my office to find a huge box on my desk.  Tucked inside were these beauties in this super adorable pitcher!  They came with a note that said, "Happy Hump Day!  I can't wait to see you tonight and I love you so much."- BF

I was so surprised!  Wednesdays are our standard week day that we spend together, placed right in the middle of the work week.  I cannot begin to describe how much I love getting flowers for no reason.  My birthday flowers were fabulous, but getting them out of the blue just because? Spectacular!  They are brightening up my desk so much, and I'm just madly in love with them, and with the sender.  :-)

Every day I am continually reminded of how lucky I am to be with this person, in this relationship.



Is anyone else seriously over seeing Kim Kardashian's naked body splashed all over everything all the time?  In the last couple of days you can't go anywhere online without reading about or worse yet, seeing her overexposed body.  Today's news is the release of full frontal pics because we haven't seen enough.

Twitter is all atwitter talking about her.  My biggest pet peeve are the Kim K defenders who proclaim that you're only mad about it if you're jealous.  Are we really pretending this is empowering?  Are we really pretending this is artistic?  Get real.  She's an attention whore who stays relevant by exploiting her ridiculous, photoshopped body.  She got famous for, as Joel McHale of The Soup always says, having a big ass and a sex tape.  Seriously.  What a legacy.

This blind, asinine worship of talentless attention whores drives me up the wall and is frankly embarrassing.  She is overexposed, desperate and can't seem to survive without masses of public attention that never comes for anything positive.  Any press is good press, right Kim?  Jebus.

Good for her for having a baby and working hard to get her body back.  That's awesome.  More power to her.  But will there ever be a day when she can just be satisfied with feeling good about herself and having her husband find her attractive?  Will she always need millions of strangers ogling her and poring over her latest nude spreads in magazines to feel validated?  Newsflash, Kim:  There are some people in the world who do NOT want to see your boobs, your ass and your crotch all over social media.  And some of those who do want to see want to see to make you the butt of their jokes, or to objectify you since you seem to trade on the fact that you're a sex object and nothing more. Sigh.  Yes, she has "businesses" like fashion lines, perfumes, blah blah.  But we all know what she's really famous for.

I take comfort in the fact that as a general rule, attention whores fade over the years.  We used to see Madonna, Paris Hilton, etc., etc. in various states of exposure and now they're gone from the front pages.  They aged out or had a lightbulb moment or better yet, maybe people stopped caring (Paris!). I'm just going to wait for that eventual fade of the Kim K obsession, though I suspect that if given the chance this woman will be dropping all her clothes for years to come, gladly welcoming the attention any way she can get it.  Sad.


Monday, November 10, 2014


After 10 months of dating, it's happening....I'm accepting his offer of a drawer...or two.  I've dismissed the offer for a few months now, but practicality knocked on the door this weekend, and I'm listening.

I'm legitimately there EVERY SINGLE WEEKEND.  Maybe not the whole weekend, but part of it unless I'm out of town.  Every weekend I pack up all of my toiletries except for shampoo/conditioner, body wash and loofah.  In the last month I got a lip balm and a body lotion for the bedside table.

This weekend I decided it's time to give in and accept the drawers so I can leave all the toiletries there.  I'm going to have all the essentials:  deodorant, face lotion, a toothbrush, shave lotion, a razor, hair product, flossing picks, makeup remover wipes.  I'm probably also going to bring a couple of pairs of socks and underthings, maybe a sleep t-shirt, those kind of things to place in said drawer(s). He also offered me a bathroom drawer, so that's where all the actual toiletries will go.

All I can think is how much easier it will be to pack every weekend when all I'm grabbing is clothes and my makeup bag.  Cheers to the small things!

In many ways his home feels like my home.  There are definitely more and more little touches of me around there, which is so nice since I spend so much time there!  The good thing is that neither of us have to worry (not that I think we would) that I'm moving in there gradually, as I would NEVER live there outside of weekends as it's massively inconvenient to my office in downtown DC.  I'm a weekend stowaway only!  :-)

Thursday, November 6, 2014

Happy Go Lucky

Have I mentioned lately how happy I am?  I think I have, but I'm telling you-I wake up every morning feeling so grateful for all of the good things in my life.  I am so madly in love with BF, I can't even describe it.  The levels of happiness I've plateaued at lately are just incredible.  I know life can get bumpy sometimes, and those times always come again, but I'm so glad I have this fantastic person in my life who makes me laugh, supports me, understands me, comforts and takes care of me when I need it and enjoys being around when I'm a crazy person laughing hysterically over god knows what again.  <3

We went to our movie last night, but not until after we'd just laid together on the bed together for a bit, talking and holding onto each other.  We headed out to the movie and chatted the whole way, joking and laughing about random things.  In the movie we held hands or had some kind of physical connection the whole time, and we came home and just snuggled so nicely on the bed again.  We were silly and goofy and damn, do I feel loved unconditionally by this person.  It's such a spectacular thing.

I have trainer tonight and I'm looking forward to it.  Lately he's been raving about how strong I'm getting, in particular my legs.  I know I need to tone all over, including my calves, but just knowing that I'm so much stronger than I was before is awesome.  Love it!  I've finally gotten out of the habit of bitching (however sarcastically) about the reps he has me doing and just doing them, concentrating and working hard.  It feels good, especially when I get a good cardio workout in first!

Tomorrow night I'm doing a happy hour with some friends, including some former co-workers from my last firm.  We're going to the same bar/restaurant we went to for my b-day happy hour and I'm really looking forward to it.  Should be a good group and it's a nice way to wrap up a long week!  My part-time clerk starts tomorrow morning as well, so I'll be working with him on getting him trained and situated.  I don't love training, but I love the end result where I get some help catching up on all of these organizational and clean up projects.

Weather this weekend is supposed to get a bit cooler again after a week of sixties, meaning highs in the 50s.  Can't complain too much as we've been very lucky this fall so far and we're supposed to be back in the sixties at least for the early part of next week.  On the weekends with BF I kind of love relaxing in warmer things.  I have a pair of leggings I bought last year and never wore, and I randomly unearthed them last week.   With hesitation I wore them last Saturday afternoon after our errands and discovered two things.  1)  Boyfriend is a big fan!  2) They are insanely comfortable.  So I did a crazy thing and went and bought one additional pair for now. Don't think I'm ballsy enough to wear them in for real public (aside from grocery store or something), but I will definitely rock those comfortable things like it's my job on the weekend!

It's so nice when I wear something like that and feel a tiny bit insecure about it (ie I wish my thighs were a little tighter, my stomach a little flatter) to have boyfriend remind me that he thinks I'm sexy just as I am.  As a general rule I'm pretty happy with myself, but I know it's normal to have those moments, and I'm grateful to have him there to remind me that what I am is good enough!  It's good to have a cheerleader!

I won't be heading out to BF's until Saturday this weekend in light of the happy hour.  I don't think it will run very late, but I'm going to try to take advantage of the evening afterward to get to the gym (maybe!) and catch up on a little Bluemoon DVR!  I'll pack up and head out Saturday early afternoon and spend the rest of the weekend with BF and his daughter.  It's a full weekend with her after not having her at all last weekend.  Looks like next weekend might be a no daughter weekend, too, as she has plans Friday and we may be going to the Maryland-MSU football game that Saturday night, IF MSU beats Ohio State this Saturday night.  Guess we'll see how it all shakes out!

Happy thursday to all!

Wednesday, November 5, 2014


How on earth is it already November?  I feel like I just got used to October and now it's gone, and it took the daylight with it.

It's really crazy to think that Thanksgiving is just three weeks away.  Three weeks from today I'll hopefully be at BF's family's house, having survived a crazy holiday drive with all of the other kind souls in the DC metro area trying to get out of town.  We plan on leaving really early Wednesday morning, so I'll be heading over there Tuesday night after work.

My mom emailed me this week to ask for Christmas ideas, which is even crazier.  My firm sent out their email about our holiday party, which will be on December 11th this year.  I'm really excited about it, as always, but more so this year because I'll get to bring BF, and my friend A is probably bringing her boyfriend, and they get along pretty well (based on the one time they've met!).  I think it will be nice for them to have one another as company.

I don't know that I'll buy another party dress, as I just don't wear them enough for that to make much fiscal sense, but you never know.  I need to take inventory of my party dresses and see what I have to work with!  Maybe I can use one I have and mix it up with different jewelry or hair or shoes.

Again, I can't get over that I'm talking about Thanksgiving, holiday parties and Christmas!

BF is coming over tonight, as he does on Wednesdays.  I think we are going to go see "Birdman" and have a late dinner at home.  I have some fish fillets in the fridge, some jasmine rice and steamer veggies, so that should be fairly painless to manage.

We got to spend the whole Halloween weekend together, which was lovely.  His daughter had a lock-in at her school Friday and plans with her Mom Saturday.  I got off work a couple of hours early on Friday and headed out his way.  We got our new fire pit set up and fiery in the driveway, pulled up some chairs and spent the next few hours warming ourselves by the fire and handing out candy.  It felt so old school Halloween, with tons of kids out trick or treating, and parents with most of them, some of them dressed up, too.  Everyone was so polite and the costumes were great, and I just had the best time!

We closed out the night ordering pizza and watching Halloween, which seems ideal!

Saturday we ran some errands and did some shopping, had a crockpot roast and veggies for dinner and watched football while getting a little tipsy together.  It was a nice evening and I laughed until my stomach hurt and I couldn't breathe more than once!  Sunday was leftovers for lunch, NFL and cooking dinner together before I headed home.  Love that man.  We had a lot of really good convos over the weekend and I love continuing to learn new things about him.  Learning about someone's past and how they've gotten where they are can really offer such good insight into who they are now and why, and I love watching the pieces come together!

Work day is wrapping up in less than an hour and I'm so ready.  Can't wait to go home and change out of work clothes and into comfy movie clothes so I can spend an hour in a theater being entertained and maybe holding my boyfriend's hand sometimes.  <3

Thursday, October 23, 2014

this is how it should be

It's been a good week!  Last night was my usual Wednesday night with BF.  I had put chili together in the crockpot that morning, so that's what we had for dinner.  My first chili of the year!  So good. After dinner we met up with a couple of my girlfriends along with a guy one of them has been dating.We went to the Dairy Godmother for the Tollhouse Cookie flavor of frozen custard that we adore.  We had such a good time hanging out there for about an hour, just talking and laughing.  It was one of those groups that just clicked well even though that particular incarnation of it hadn't happened before.  

It's finally Thursday, so I'm pleased about that.  I have chili leftovers for lunch so that's a perk. Tonight after work I will be heading to my hair salon to get my high/lowlights done.  I'm super excited to see how it turns out, though a bit nervous as I've never had any part of my hair made darker!  I trust my hair guy totally, though, so I'm sure it will be good.  After that I will likely head home and just enjoy a few hours at home with my cat, watching the Broncos v. Chargers game and maybe some DVR.  It's been a busy week!

Tomorrow is our Halloween Hullaballoo for the kids of firm employees.  It's basically our Halloween Parade for the kids.  They trick or treat around the office in their costumes around 3:30 and then afterwards there is pizza and cookies for all.  It's always a fun time and something I really enjoy! Supposedly a group of the younger associates are dressing up as Disney characters, which will be really fun to see, as usually it's just HR that dresses up.

After the work festivities I'll head home and get my stuff together to get out the door to BF's.  This is BF's half weekend with his daughter, so she'll be with us until Saturday at 6pm.  We have plans to pick out pumpkins somewhere and get them carved.  I also want to roast the seeds as somehow BF has never done that before!  I love being able to do something new to him together.  

The weekend will also include football (OF COURSE) and hopefully a visit to Markoff's Haunted Forest, which is probably my very favorite Halloween attraction here.  He's never been, so I'm hoping we find time to go!  It's just a cool experience that I think he would enjoy.

I still have a list of Halloween movies I'd like to watch sometime between now and next Friday. We'll see if I can manage to get any of those watched!  The original Halloween is a necessity.

Monday night I have plans with my girlfriend, A to get together to carve pumpkins, roast seeds, eat baked mac & cheese (me) and baked goods (her).  I'm pretty pumped for that kind of an evening, especially when my DVR is waiting with "It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown", too!  :-)

I really love October!  I'm sad (and kind of shocked!) that it's already on it's way out the door.  Where has this month gone???

Monday, October 20, 2014

hashtag i love you!

This isn't a real post, this is a post to commemorate something cute BF did last night.

On Friday I went to Kings Dominion Haunt with BF, his daughter and my friend, AC.  AC and J got along insanely well and at times seemed more like peers than people with 15+ years between them.  
:-)  Throughout the evening they kept getting into excessive use of the whole "hashtag" phenomenon, speaking whole paragraphs in just hashtags.  It was entertaining, yet it also made me feel very old as I don't speak in hashtags like the kids do.  ;-)

Last night I left BF's house to head home after the weekend and he texted me, "Hashtag I love you!" Not quite right in terms of execution, but I'll be damned if it didn't make me smile so big.


:-)  <3

Thursday, October 16, 2014

little epiphanies

It's been a week of little epiphanies.  They've varied in significance from very small and incidental to pretty big stuff.

Let's start from the smallest and work our way up:
  • I am madly in love with Andrew Belle as a musical artist.  Saw him about a year ago at a small venue in Northern Virginia with some girlfriends, and his music just keeps sticking with me.  The album I can't get enough of is "Black Bear".  The three songs I can't get enough of are "Black Bear", "Dark Matter" & "Pieces", though the whole album is great.  "Pieces" is truly one of my favorite songs ever.  I listen to it and I think how beautiful it is every time.  Love it!  He recently released an album called "Hush" which is comprised of remixes and reworkings of these same songs.  Intriguing!
  • I love my stylist and what he does with my hair.  Yesterday was just a cut because I was crunched for time, but I love it.  My hair feels so bouncy and healthy and swingy every time I leave the salon, and it smells amazing, and he's amazing.  I go back a week from today after work for my highlights and lowlights.  I've never had any lowlights before, but I'm seriously excited to see how this will look!  He says it's a really good look for the fall, and my current highlights are pretty grown out.
  • I love Halloween.  The weather, the pumpkins, the decorations and lights and spooky movies, the haunted houses.  A co-worker called today to ask if I would consider dressing up as the victim to his vampire for our Firm's Halloween parade event (for the kids of firm employees) next Friday.  I'm currently considering it because a) it's not the costume I'd pick if I were to dress up and b) I've only dressed up once as an adult, and it was pirate themed and it was with the Angry Ex.  I had fun dressing up, but we had a Halloween costume party to go to, so it made sense!  I told coworker I'd think about it today, but in the meantime I started considering dressing up on my own either way, at least for Halloween.  I was scouring for costumes and randomly came across a really cute scarecrow concept.  No pre-purchased costume, just something along the lines of boots, skinny jeans, a plaid button down shirt, a floppy straw hat, strategically placed patchwork and leaves, and accompanying face makeup.  Simple, cute and decidedly NOT in the vein of the ever so common "sexy" costumes that flood the selections for women.  In the right circumstances I would definitely be open to a sexy costume, but for a work dress up?  Pass!  I'm kind of crushing on this whole scarecrow idea, so we'll see...
  • Work related epiphany:  while my supervisor is driving me all kinds of nuts, I feel valued in a whole other way.  They put an offer out today to a student who is in his third year of undergrad (graduating early in May) to work part-time as an assistant to me.  It's just from background clearance point until he graduates in May, but I'm so excited for this.  He is being hired exclusively for me, and I will be in charge of delegating his workload, and basically he will be helping me catch up on a backlog of projects that are important, but that I simply don't have time for in the daily course of my day.  The prospect of getting this backlog caught up and then exclusively dealing with items going forward is spectacular, and I'm so grateful one of the Co-Managing Partners recommended me as a spot for him to HR.  I look forward to truly adding some supervisory experience to my repertoire as well.  I was part of his interview along with the HR rep, and it was pretty cool to be involved in that capacity.  He should be starting in the next couple of weeks!
  • Time Management:  I'm capable of doing a decent job at this.  In spite of my freakout earlier this week, I'm managing!  I don't get everything done everyday, but you know...that's okay.  The world keeps turning, and if the occasional thing slides by and it means I'm a little less stressed, then that's all right!  I do all the big, important things!  My apartment is currently super clean since BF and J came over last night, and I love it.  I've talked to my trainer and he's looking at his schedule to see if he has any availability for morning sessions for me, so that would be a possible compromise....early morning workouts two days a week, freeing up two more nights a week, which would be awesome.  We'll see!  I feel like that's a better starting point because if I have a booked session with him, I'll definitely show and I won't slack, because he won't let me!  At this point I'm not sure if I trust myself to just show up that early and work out alone. It's a start.  :-)
  • J: This is BF's daughter.  She's 14, fiercely smart, sarcastic, challenging and witty.  Last night BF brought her over after picking her up from school.  They waited at my apt for me to get home from work, J doing her homework, BF just hanging out.  I got home and opened my front door to find them both sitting cross legged on the floor in front of the it turned out, they were mimicking my cat's everyday behavior upon my arrival from work.  It was legit adorable. We chatted for a bit while I took care of a couple things and got changed, and then we headed to dinner.  We laughed, we joked, we talked about her school, about our KD Haunt plans for Friday, about food, about the rest of the weekend.  At J's request, we got frozen yogurt afterwards and brought it back to my place to eat.  More laughter, more joking, more chatting.  J was so engaged because she couldn't do the normal teenage girl thing and go off on her own, and it was kind of awesome.  And it felt really easy and normal and familiar.  
When they left that night I instantly missed them, but reminded myself I'd get to see them very soon. Then I was struck by the strangest, most unexpected realization.  I knew I loved BF months ago.  It was suddenly so clear and true and unavoidable, and it was a great moment.  Last night I had this crazy unexpected epiphany---I love J, too.  Seriously, I feel invested in her as a person, as BF's daughter, and as a person in my life.  She's beginning to feel as integral to our dynamic as BF is.  I love when we all cook together.  I love hearing about her schoolwork and activities.  I like when she gossips about her friends and everything going on in her world.  I like that we "have" to take her hoodie shopping this weekend, even though she'll probably ditch us outside the stores in the mall on occasion.  I like that we have running jokes, and that she loves my cat, and that we have such similar senses of humor. I love how much she looks like BF, and how many little personality traits they share.

I have these random moments where we're all hanging out and it feels so normal and right and I think...this could be our little family.  I'll never replace her mom, and I'd never try, but our little trio works pretty well. Even though she's 14, I still get to see glimpses of the childlike stuff with her, and hear her precocious declarations and see her perceived wisdom, and know that really, she's so young and she's got so much to come.

I had a stepmom I hated growing up.  She was fiercely threatened by me, she was fake and sneaky and manipulative.  I will never be that person if my future means that J becomes my stepdaughter eventually.  I love the idea of it.  I love knowing that we'll get to be part of each other's lives in that possible future, and that I'll easily love her and accept her because she is BF's daughter and she is awesome.  I love knowing that if that happens, I'll be around to see her graduate high school, go to college, find her career, fall in love, build a life, maybe have kids of her own.  

None of these are sure things, of course.  BF and I are just dating, not living together, not engaged. It's not even been a year yet. But we're committed and we see potential and lately I just feel so damn good about all of it, and maybe that's why this clicked into place.  Talk about an epiphany.  :-)

Follow Up, Buttercup!

To quickly summarize the weekend situation with BF:

* His daughter:  BF has her every weekend as a general rule.  It alternates between a full weekend and a half weekend.  That necessitates him being at home for those times.
* Space:  My apt. is a 1BR, 1BA 600 square foot space.  The kitchen is tiny, the bathroom is tiny, I have no outdoor space of my own.  He has a three story townhouse with a deck, a yard, a grill, 3BR, 2 Full BA, 2 1/2 BA and a big kitchen where we can all cook together, which we often do.

BF spends Wednesday nights at my house.  We're stuck on Wednesdays right now since Tues/Thurs are trainer nights, and also, it's the best way to break up a week of not seeing each other.  During the week my place makes sense because he works closer to my house than his own.

On rare occasions, BF doesn't have J at all.  In the past, we have spent a random Friday night at my place in those instances, but it's not super common and usually only occurs if we have specific plans in my area that night.

Friday nights are generally my flexible night.  I do occasionally choose to stay in my area on Fridays so that I can do happy hours, dinner/movies, or other activities with friends, without BF.  I've also done it on occasion when I just wanted a night to myself.  Other times I pack up my stuff and head to BF's Friday after work; it really just depends.  Lately I've done more Fridays out there just because he didn't have J at all or until Saturday after last minute plan changes by J, and wanted to take advantage of the alone time we would get.

As a result of the custody arrangement, we will never by default get to stay a weekend at my place, and honestly, unless something noteworthy was going on, I probably wouldn't want to stay the full weekend there!  His place is bigger, nicer and has more amenities, and I really do feel like it's my weekend getaway.  :-)  I think I just need to make an effort, on those rare fully J-free weekends, to suggest a Friday night at my house.  It gives me more of a chance for us to be social with my friends or to be in closer proximity to a better variety of activities.  For the record, BF has also said that if my schedule during the week were more free, he'd be available to come out more often.  Right now it's just not workable.

Anyway, I hope that clarifies a little.  The main point is that in general, I don't mind doing weekends at his place because for the three of us, it works better, and even for the two of us, I do feel like it's the overall winner.  I think I just need to know that the option is there to stay there when it works out, and that is something BF has never argued.  I just rarely suggest it!  I always feel like the hassle of me driving out there every weekend is balanced out by the fact that he cooks most of the meals while I'm out there, lets me do laundry for free as opposed to the tiny pay W/D in my building, and I get to reap the benefits of his nicer, bigger, more comfortable home that in many ways, is starting to feel like a second home to me.

I must note that this week we're doing something brand new, most likely.  We have plans to go to Kings Dominion Haunt that evening, which is about an hour and a half away from my place.  We're meeting at my apartment Friday late afternoon and picking up my gf, A before we head out.  Since the event doesn't start until 7pm (we're leaving early just because of traffic going that way), we probably won't be back to my place until midnight at least.  We have a contingency plan, which I feel is the 90% likely plan, to spend the night at my house.  J has already advised she's fine sleeping on the couch, as it will probably be too late and we'll be too tired to drive another hour back to BF's house.  So this is a unicorn moment when my little apartment will be base camp because of it's convenience.  :-)

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Time Management

There's not enough time.

Lately that's a constant refrain tumbling through my mind.  I don't have enough time to run the errands I need to run, to read the books I want to read, to write the things I want to write, to spend time with my friends, to spend time with my boyfriend, to work out with my trainer, to go to the gym alone, to clean my apartment, to do my laundry, to see a movie on my own, to spend an hour laying uselessly on my living room floor doing nothing.

Sometimes I get so overwhelmed by the minutiae of daily life and all the obligations we have as adults.  Often times I feel hugely put out by the fact that even if I'm comfortable in bed watching TV, I'm supposed to get up and wash my face and brush my teeth and floss and moisturize and take vitamins and shave and put on eye cream and hand lotion and turn everything off in the apartment and clean up the messes from my cat's food.

I truly do not know how people with kids do it.  I am completely overwhelmed at times with the prospect of taking care of myself and my cat.  I sometimes just want to hide under my covers and shirk all responsibility.  Sometimes I don't floss before bed, or even brush.  More often than not I say screw it to eye cream and general moisturizing.  I remember to take my birth control pill every evening, isn't that enough?

My schedule feels too stuck.  Mondays are my only theoretical "free" night.  Tuesdays and Thursdays are trainer, right smack in the middle of the evening.  I get home about 6:15-6:30, have to leave for gym about 7:45, get home about 9:45.  Those nights are mostly a wash.  If I'm lucky I get to pit stop by a grocery store to pick up a couple items to eat. Wednesday is my week night time with BF, and Friday-Sunday is mostly spent out at his house, which is an hour away from my everything.  I sometimes keep Fridays to myself, but only sometimes.

Last night I had dinner plans.  Luckily for me, my stupid office didn't close for the holiday, so I got a ride home with my gf and got home an hour earlier than usual.  I took advantage and got three errands done before dinner, and still got home after 10pm.  I was supposed to go to the gym, but I didn't.  I was tired, it was a long day, and my cat had legit been alone since 7:30 that morning basically.  I just wanted to lay down and watch some DVR before bed, so I did.  But I felt guilty. And then I felt petulant, and I didn't wash my face and I didn't brush my teeth or floss, and nothing was moisturized and no vitamins were taken.

There's not enough time.  Everything is too scheduled.  Once a month my "free" monday is reserved for acupuncture, and beyond that, it's really the only "guaranteed" free time I have to do mid-week get togethers with girlfriends.

I have a hair appt. scheduled for tomorrow.  Originally it was supposed to be for highlights, lowlights and a cut.  Today I had to pare it down to just a cut, and I'm pissed.  I wanted the whole experience at once.  I wanted the wow factor.  But I don't have time for 3+ hours at the salon during the work day, and I'll be damned if I can find time to do it during the week nights.  Right now my best guess is Monday for the color because they said it would take two hours, and I can't do that on Thursday because of trainer and I just want to scream.

I asked for Friday afternoon off from 12pm and on for a Dr. appt. at 2 in Alexandria.  I got MASSIVE amounts of grief about it from my supervisor, and if I didn't need to do the appt. I would have just conceded to make it stop.  I have 100+ sick hours that I will lose at the end of the year if not used.  I have vacation days.  But even when I request things off in advance, I get shit about it.  I get guilted and manipulated and it's shitty.

It makes me want to call in sick one day and just do whatever the hell I want.  Telling the truth does me no favors.  Every year I get a tiny ding on  my performance review about my attendance even though I call in sick maybe once or twice a year and everything else is scheduled well in advance.

I'm considering going to one session a week with trainer just to get another day available.  But I know I need the workout, and I'm not sure I can be trusted to do it on my own at this point.  Sometimes I think I need to get up and do workouts in the morning to get it off my list, but HELL, I hate morning workouts.  So much. I'm torn.  I just HATE having almost no flexibility in my schedule EVERY WEEK.

All of this makes me really daydream for the possible day in the future when BF and I can live together and time isn't such a precious, hard to come by commodity.  Even if he just lived closer it would be so much easier, but he doesn't, and so it's not.  It doesn't fix everything, but at least it would fix something.

This post is primarily a vent.  I'm just feeling really frustrated right now, and damn, I really needed that full salon experience tomorrow.

Did I mention its supposed to be a downpour of rain tomorrow on the day of my haircut and subsequent blowout?  Figures.

I need a life re-boot.  I have GOT to figure out a way to make this feel better for my own mental well being.  Is the solution in more scheduling?  Do I need to train myself to do morning workouts and cut down to one evening trainer session a week?  Maybe I do need input.  Help me fix my chaotic mess of a life!

A crazy version of Bluemoon