Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Return of the Hoodie Hater

Last night I got a chat request from the Hoodie Hater on one of the dating sites while I was checking my mail.  I said no to the request, and shortly thereafter got a message from him saying he was sorry we couldn't chat again and that he hoped I was doing well.  I responded this morning and explained that I didn't really think we were a good match.  I was nice about it and told him that I was really looking for someone who could appreciate me as much when I was in comfy jeans and a hoodie as when I was dressed up.  I definitely did not get the impression that would be him!  I do not need to get into another situation where I feel like I constantly need to be at my best to be wanted.  It's just not realistic and it's not fair.

I've felt similar things with regards to Artboy on occasion, though I think most of that is my perception.  With him, I feel like it has become part of our dynamic that I am always dressed up when I see him.  Dresses, skirts and cute tops, and always with something interesting lurking beneath.  I won't lie, it's fun to play dress up most of the time.  I like feeling sexy and powerful in these ensembles, truly.  But sometimes?  Sometimes I just want to be plain old me. 

Many moons ago, Artboy and I had a very impulsive encounter late one evening.  He texted me and told me he was lonely very, very late one night.  I told him I was, too, and he asked if I wanted to come over.  That was the first time I ever spent the whole night at his place.  We both needed the company of someone, and we turned to each other, and it was actually really lovely.  That night I showed up at his place in jeans and a hoodie, and I actually felt a little self-conscious about it.  I joked about my dressy attire, and he told me I looked sexy.  In jeans and a hooded sweatshirt.  Take that, Hoodie Hater.

And yet, that feels like so long ago.  Sometimes I feel like the picture below when it comes to Artboy.  Sometimes I feel like that in general with the men I talk to, even if I've never even met them.  It's the basic idea that so many of those people are just looking for a hook up, something easy and without strings.  Some of them are just so transparent about it, and it makes me feel very objectified, like the words I'm saying don't the guy I posted about yesterday.  It was like he didn't hear anything I said, and instead just powered ahead and suggested we hook up and worry about the rest later.  I'll pass, thank you very much.

The Artboy situation is largely in my own head.  He saw me in normal ensembles plenty when we were dating, and always complimented me, very specifically and sincerely.  He's seen me in normal things a couple of times since and complimented me.  I just happen to enjoy dressing up for him most of the time. 

However, I did turn him down this weekend.  It was late.  I was tired.  He wanted to come over. 
I didn't feel like even getting up from bed to unlock the door.
I didn't feel like standing in front of the bathroom mirror putting makeup on, curling my slept on hair, and I really, really didn't feel like changing out of my comfortable pajamas.
I said no, and I fell asleep.

I know he wouldn't have expected me to be dressed up that time.  To be like I often am with him.  But the idea of him coming over so late, with me so unprepared, and so tired....I just couldn't swing it.
With Artboy, it is 98.8% my own issue, wanting to always look the best I've ever looked.  It's silly, and it can be exhausting, and some nights, I just don't want to bother.
My dream man will love me just as much in a tank top and capri pj pants as he will when I'm in a dress and 4 inch heels, powdered and sparkled to perfection.
I hope.


  1. He definitely will. When does anyone look 100% all the time, ever? That's way too high maintenance for me if a guy has to look perfect all the time. At least these weirdos clue you in early on that they're just looking to get laid and you don't waste a lot of time on them but I know it has to be totally frustrating to keep hitting the same road block. That tactic can't work for them often. What idiots! I'm still reeling over your last post!

  2. @ames: Agreed. Like you pointed out, I don't want a guy that lives that way either. Come to think of it, my ex was pretty vain a lot of the time, no wonder he subsequently projected it onto me. NO, THANK YOU!

  3. He will.

    I have a general rule, within the first month of dating that I will go 3 ways, totally dressy (No jeans, nice flats, dressy top, or a dress, full makeup/hair), casual (perhaps jeans, cute shoes, cardigan), and plain jane (jeans, messy knot bun hair, little to no makeup).

    The thing is, the pressure is all on women, men seem to be able to look like they rolled out of bed and we put up with it. Nuh-uh.

  4. I think that's a smart approach. I don't go all out for most first dates anymore, I've wasted too much good hair and too many outfits, LOL. I'm more of the casual look on first dates, WILLING to go dressy on a later date, WAITING for the plain jane date. ;)

    It really is unfair. I will admit some dress much nicer for dates, and others show up in a uniform of t-shirt and jeans...SO IMPRESSIVE. I like someone who can clean up and dress up well, but who also looks divine in a t-shirt. Fair's fair!