Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Fair Game

The title of this post is derived from the current Essie nail polish I'm sporting.  It's a lovely slate blue/gray color that I rather adore.  It also refers to the online dating world, where apparently anything is fair game.

Last night I got a message from a man that said "You have  a really pretty smile.  Why don't you grow your hair out?"

Huh.  Seriously, did I just get a suggestion on how to improve my appearance from a total stranger on an online dating site?  Why, yes I did! 

Of note:  My profile even says I have short hair and I like it that way, and no I won't grow it out for you.  I did this because a disproportionate number of the men I encounter at some point ask me that, ESPECIALLY if we date for any period of time.  Look, I get that many men like longer hair.  Hey, I love dark hair and blue eyes on a guy.  I also prefer shorter hair on men and am not a fan of most facial hair. 

Here's the difference, though:  If I'm skating around on a dating website perusing my options, I'm not going to message some guy with longer hair or a beard and say, "Hey, nice smile, but ever considered shaving that beard or cutting that hair?"  I may THINK it, I may WISH it, but I've learned that when swimming in the online dating pools, you need to accept people at face value, and not date them with a goal of changing the undesirable traits at a later point. 

I did respond to the guy and basically said, "Wow, that's the first time I've ever gotten a suggestion on how to improve my appearance on here.  I like my hair short, btw."  He wrote back and apologized, saying he wasn't insulting me, and was just curious, but come on now....too late.  I just deleted him at that point.

I am what I am, folks.  I don't have a supermodel body, and no matter how long or hard I work out with this trainer, I never will, and I'm good with that.  :-)  I have short hair, and it's full of messy curls, and even if *I* want to grow it out a little, it will never be long hair.  It's blonde, but not too blonde, and I have freckles on my cheeks, and even though I forget they're there, they remain.  Some days I dress well, some days I dress plain, some days I may even look a bit bedraggled.  I don't always wear mascara, and I will never have a perfectly polished look.  I'm clumsy and I'm silly and I laugh at dumb things and like goofy things. 

And therein ends my essay on online dating for the day.  ;-)

On the upside, I'm still talking to a few potentials who HAVEN'T questioned my appearance, though I did just get a message from a guy whose profile picture is a car.  WTF, mate?  Must think of a clever response to that one!

And finally, today was weigh in day.  Down another pound and a half, bringing me to a 4 week total of 5 1/2 pounds lost. :-)  Measurements tonight, methinks. Crossing fingers.....



  1. Don't you just love those suggestions from strangers? I've gotten "Why don't you wear your hair straight?" from guys who have never met me.

    Speaking only for myself, I delete guys whose profile pictures don't feature a close-up of their entire face - I've gone on too many dates with guys who ended up having crooked brown teeth or misrepresented their appearance in some other way!

    1. I get the same thing about the straight hair. Those just make me want to be extra contrary...YUP, my hair can be straight, every once in a blue moon. But 99% of the time, not gonna happen. I especially like it when they tell me I look better put together or classier with straight hair, LOL.

      I don't deal with guys with a) no pictures b) no teeth showing. Like you, bad experiences!

  2. oh god. words escape me.

    but awesome about the weight loss!!!

  3. I can't recall ever getting a message, or someone telling me, to alter or change my appearance. I must be perfect, just like I thought. HAHAHAH! I'm sure there are a lot of guys that would like to tell me to lose weight, and to them I would like to say 'grow a bigger dick' but you know, I'm classy.

    Also, I have long hair and I pretty much never wear it down, so I don't even see why it matters so much to guys. My hair is not long to attract men, I like it long because I look awful with short hair. Plus I'm a braid loving dirty hippie.

    Congrats on the weigh in. And good luck with the measure-in!

    1. LOL, your first paragraph made me laugh. ;) I cannot believe the nerve of some of these people. I've only ever gotten comments on my hair...wear it straight, grow it out, blah blah. STILL NO.

      There is a man in the world who will love my hair just as it is, damn it. :D

      Thanks on the congrats! So awesome to see my hard work paying off. :)

  4. Ug I can't comprehend a stranger saying something like that. I'd want to reply....see that's why you're single dude. I mean it would one thing to say, "have you ever grown your hair out?" but if you've got it in your profile that you like your short hair, any comment to the contrary is just ignorant stupidity. I wish I could pull short curly hair off....I've got LONG curly hair and any time it gets shorter than shoulder length, it starts to look like I have an 'fro. Not a good look on a super pale chick ;)

    I've learned that you can't change yourself to make other people happy because everyone is going to have a different opinion of you. My ex wanted me to be blonde and have smaller boobs.

    1. Right? I don't know why, but I'm continually surprised by things like that. I DID want to say something about that being why he was single, but I decided to refrain. Those kind of exchanges usually upset me more than it's worth!

      Everyone wants what they don't have, I tell you. Silly men.

    2. LOL I would have told him, although I understand your restraint. I figure people like that must be utterly oblivious and telling them they're being a dick could be an insight they require ;)