Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Vacation, all I ever wanted

So I wanted to do a quick recap of my weekend getaway with BF.  It was fabulous.  :-)  The cabin was adorable!  It was modern enough that I felt comfortable, as I'm not a roughing it kind of girl.  It had a steep, winding driveway and was totally secluded from other houses nearby, backing up to miles of national forest. There was a deck, a hot tub, a fire pit and a hammock outside.  We took advantage of all, though the hammock was better in theory than in reality.

We grilled most of our meals, we roasted marshmallows over the fire pit, we watched gorgeous sunsets from the deck, and we spent so much time in that awesome hot tub, probably twice a day.  It was the best way to end each evening, with the trees swaying in the breeze around us.

We also went to the Luray Caverns, which was really cool.  I'd never been to the area, so it was all new to me!  We did the Garden Maze at the Caverns, which was a lot of laughs.  It took us awhile, but we managed to get out!  Beyond that, we did a brief section of Skyline Drive, which was gorgeous.  Spectacular views and just a fun little afternoon adventure.

I was so pleased with how we did together on this trip.  We got along insanely well, and I never felt crowded or tired of him, or frustrated with him.  We were just so in sync, and I think it was a really great relationship moment for us.  It happened to fall over our four month anniversary, too, which was nice!  We met a pretty cool milestone in that cabin in that we finally said I love you to one another.  I'd been feeling it for awhile, and I'd promised myself that when the feeling became too much to keep inside I'd tell him.  So we were standing there in the living room of the cabin in a long hug, and I just blurted out, "So, I love you".  He told me he loved me back, that he'd been in love with me for quite awhile, probably since too early on, and that he'd already decided this was going to be the weekend he told me.  I beat him to it.  :-)  The important thing was that we're both on the same page.

It was so liberating to have that out in the open, so I don't have to keep thinking it on a loop and not saying it, or sending him emoticon hearts in our texts as my own secret way of telling him without telling him.  We both reveled in the freedom a bit, and the rest of the weekend was peppered with statements like, "I'm so glad I can finally tell you how I feel" and such things.  It felt really amazing to share that, and I know that Luray will always hold a special place for me now!

Coming back to reality after the trip was hard, but we gained so much from the trip that it was all worth it. We are in such a good place, and are already planning our next trips!  We are planning on a week long (!!!) trip to the beaches in Outer Banks for Labor Day week, and then a trip to Omaha again probably in late September, for which he'll be joining me.  :-)  We also aim to fit in another more local weekend getaway between now and the beach, but first we're focusing on the other two and getting them situated.

Things are good.  I am happy.  :-)

Friday, May 9, 2014

It's a Good Thing

It's a good thing I'm not getting ahead of myself in this young relationship.

It's been four months of dating now.  We're in a really good place.  I know that sometimes, especially when people reach their thirties and later, romances become whirlwinds, and people end up engaged after a couple months, married at six months.  That's not us.  It's not us now, and it won't be us.  He's pretty cautious, and I'm pretty cautious.  I'm okay with that for now.

If I were getting ahead of myself, I would worry about the fact that he lives an hour away, sometimes more, sometimes less, depending on traffic.

I would worry that, while he works twenty minutes from me now, he's going to be interviewing for a job that is forty minutes from me, and twenty minutes closer to his house.  I would worry that our weekday visits would be so much harder to manage, if not impossible.

If I were getting ahead of myself, I would worry that my last great hope of making a logical play to get him to move closer to the city if we stayed together will disappear if that job comes through.

Sure, his daughter lives midway between us.  Sure, I live in Alexandria and work in DC.  But if that job materializes, my third and final argument about him working near where his daughter lives would be gone.

I lived about forty five minutes away from everything for Angry Ex.  He worked in the city we lived in, I still worked in DC. He made me promises of dinners every night, and other accommodations to ease the fact of my commute.  He lived up to none of them. I resented him for it, and I vowed two things:

1) I vowed to never move in with a guy again until I have a ring on my finger and a commitment.  We don't have to be married, but we have to be engaged with a plan.

2) I vowed to never move that far away from my job again.

For the first time, I handled news like this like an adult.  I didn't automatically make it about me, or how it would affect us.  I encouraged him to apply for the new job if it's what he wants.  I told him he'd worked hard enough to deserve it and put in the time (it's within his same company).  I commented on how it would improve his commute.  He told me that from all sources he has, including his past supervisor and current supervisor, the job is probably his if he wants it.

In my head, I was not quite so calm, but I realized that was my own nonsense, and it was way too early to worry about anything in this vein.  I knew that it would have been wrong of me to project my own practical concerns onto him at this point, when the job is just a possibility.  I knew it would be wrong to pull focus from the excitement about a great professional opportunity to indulge my own insecurities.

Also?  Somewhere inside, beneath the surface worry, I know we would be okay.  We would work around it.  We would make a new normal if this new job becomes a reality.  I can't conquer all the long-term battles, I can't know how we would deal with the living situation if we ever decided to cohabitate, but the ones about how our day to day relationship would change during this dating period?  Manageable.  Completely workable.  I know we both care enough to sacrifice a little more driving, a little more inconvenience, to make time to see each other during the week no matter where we work or live.

After we'd talked about it for awhile, he said, out of nowhere, "Don't worry.  I haven't forgotten about our weekday time at your place."  With those words, he addressed the unspoken, and it felt better to have him remind me that I was obviously going to be factored in than it would have if I'd called attention to my plight on my own.  In past relationships, I would have gone down that road immediately.  What about how this affects me??  We'll never see each other!!!  Oh well, whatever.  It sucks, and I'm going to make you feel really bad about it, but then tell you not to feel bad, even though I passive aggressively want you to feel bad. So unhealthy.

None of that happened here, and I'm proud of myself, and I'm proud of him.  These are little things, but I love the way we are handling them:  matter of factly, as they come, with a confidence that we'll make it work.

It's a good thing I'm not getting ahead of myself here.  ;-)

Thursday, May 1, 2014

spaghetti arms

It's been a busy week in Bluemoonland!  Tonight is going to take the cake for the week, though.  Upon my arrival back home after work around 6:15, I have to clean up my apartment, do a load of laundry, paint my nails, go to the trainer and pack.  I also have maybe plans to get to Target for a couple of things, but that may fall by the wayside.

*  I met with my new trainer on Tuesday for our first session.  It was brutal, mostly because I hadn't done any training in over a month and because I've slacked on cardio AND diet.  :-o  However, I think this trainer is perhaps a bit more challenging in some of the technique and details of how exercises are performed.  I already dread going back for session #2 tonight, and will probably keep dreading him for the first month, but I know it will be good for me.  Once I build back up my cardio endurance with my own workouts I'm sure that will help, plus just getting back in the training groove.

My arms and core are super sore from Tuesday, so I imagine tonight will be legs.  I fear the intense soreness that follows a leg workout, and am super thankful I'll have access to a hot tub this weekend.  Ha!

The nice thing is that I have two set sessions every week, same day, same time.  No more of that waiting until Sunday night to get old trainer's schedule, wherein my session moved from day to day and time to time. Tuesdays and Thursdays at 8:30 pm, I'm there.  Yeah, it sounds late, but I usually go to the gym on my own around 8:30 or 9 pm, so it actually matches my pre-existing schedule.

** Last night I went out to dinner with BF, two girlfriends and R, a guy friend of mine who was in town for work.  BF had only met one of my gfs, so he got to meet two more people in my world.  R is a bit overwhelming conversationally and personality-wise, so it wasn't a flashy debut for BF, but I think it went well and we all had a good time and an obscene amount of laughs!

*** Tomorrow after work BF and I head to a cabin in the Luray/Shenandoah Valley area for the weekend.  I'm really looking forward to our first getaway!  The cabin has a hot tub, a deck with a gorgeous view, an outdoor fire pit, a grill and a hammock, LOL.  I'm excited to take a break from the day to day and just spend a weekend with BF, being outside, enjoying the weather, checking out the Luray Caverns and other little local attractions.

****  Next week after our return on Monday afternoon, my week kind of blows up into craziness.  We have tentative plans for dinner that night with BF's daughter, arranged since he won't have her this weekend. Tuesday night is trainer, Wednesday night is going to BF's daughter's latest play.  Thursday trainer, Friday is a luncheon at work for  a cool cause I've been involved in.  I'm HOPING Friday night stays good and empty, because Saturday morning I have the Susan G. Komen 5K Walk/Run with a team from work, and tentative plans with a friend in the afternoon.  I imagine I'll end up out at BF's either later Saturday or Sunday as well.   My poor cats are going to forget who I am!  ;-)

***** I got a Fitbit Flex last week.  I'm competing with a couple of friends and a friend from work so far.  It's a good little motivator to take the stairs instead of the escalator and such.  Some days are easier than others, and I'm still working out the kinks on making sure it catches my elliptical workouts!  Cool little gadget, though.

****** I secretly long for a full night where I can just come home, get into comfy pjs and marathon some DVR while eating takeout Chinese.  I need a night of Survivor, Grey's Anatomy, Law & Order: SVU.  I can probably have a tiny version of this tonight before gym and after gym, but the gym interruption throws off my flow, and there's definitely not going to be any Chinese takeout.  :-o

That's all I've got for this post right now.  Don't you hate when you're at work and all you can think of is all the things at home or at least NOT at work you should be doing??

*******  I forgot...reading "The Interestings" and LOVING it.  Wish I had time to do that more, too!