Yeah, that's right. I had my "date" with the LED candle on Friday night. I drove myself, which turned out to be a good thing since I was running late. We had a Halloween parade at work for the children of employees, so that was cute, but it kept me in the office longer than I intended.
Anyway, I was at home getting situated, thinking I had a little time to spare, when LED boy texted me at 7pm to say he was at the restaurant and had gotten us a table since it was "kind of crowded". We had plans to meet at 7:30. Oy. Subsequently, I felt super rushed and booked it out of my apartment and over to the restaurant, and I'll admit...I was a bit annoyed. Sure, he'd told me not to rush, but I didn't want to leave him sitting there alone for half an hour.
However, I get taken to the table, pull out my chair, and in my seat is a small, random collection of flowers. SIGH. It was such a sweet gesture, and I've never, ever gotten flowers on a first date before. He was dressed in khakis and a polo shirt, which I sensed was dressing up for him.
Oh, dinner. We both just had soup. I'd just come from a Halloween party at work, I wasn't sure what his excuse was! He did want dessert, and I had a couple of bites of that. As I suspected, he'd overestimated the time we'd need for dinner prior to the movie. We had over an hour before our movie started once we were done eating. DOUBLE SIGH.
He wanted to just walk around. Okay then. Sure, I was in heeled boots that weren't the most comfortable, but okay. He kept wanting to walk further, I kept reminding him....no one told me to wear running shoes! Finally I told him we had to just give up and go into the theater, as I had to go to the bathroom, thanks to the bajillion waters I drank at dinner.
We then got to hang out awkwardly in the theater lobby since it was too early to go in for the show. He kept coming up with excuses to touch my hands, pointing out my jewelry, asking me about my rings. It gave me an ominous feeling about the actual movie!
LED boy totally wanted to hold my hand in the movie, but I'm broken inside and only want people who treat me like shit, so I was totally not having it. My hands were clasped together and off to the opposite side, or tucked away otherwise, away from his grasp. Go ahead and say it...I'm evil.
After the movie he walked me to my car and we engaged in one of those awkward departures where I was hugging him, and I think he tried to kiss me on the cheek, and it was weird and I wanted it over.
Back at home he texted me to tell me that he really liked me and likes hanging out with me.
SIGH.
I am SO not into this. I feel really, really badly. The flowers were such a nice gesture. He is so honest and sincere and means so well. I WISH I liked him. But I just do not. He mentioned going out again and I demurred, telling him I had to check my schedule and would get back to him. That was honest, I really would need to check, as he'd asked about a specific thing. But I don't want to go on another date with him. I didn't want to go on the first one.
I can't fake it. I can't just be nice and let him hold my hand when I don't mean it. I can't give throwaway kisses to him because I know he actually likes me, and that wouldn't be fair. I guess my thought was that if I didn't hold his hand, and we didn't kiss (shudder) that maybe it would be less likely to make things so awkward that I started avoiding meetups he was attending. I don't want to lose that meetup group, and I would LIKE to keep hanging out with him in that group capacity.
On paper, this is all so nice. Good guy. Sincere. Sweet. Gave me flowers on first date. Told me directly how he felt right after. AWESOME. In theory. Except when it's not reciprocated. Then it's awkward.
Methinks my dating moratorium should have been stuck to more firmly! Maybe it's not just online guys, it's all of them. I need reprogramming. Bad boy detox, good guy rehab.
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You do NOT need to feel bad for not liking him, Bluemoon! Not at all. It's wonderful to be treated nicely by a sweet guy who is into you, but if you were obligated to like and kiss every guy who was sweet, you'd have oral herpes and no sense of self.
ReplyDeleteCould you keep him around as a friend, an activity partner?
Sadly, we all love the bad boys. I've got a good guy chasing me right now and I feel suffocated, meanwhile my heart still pines for the bad boy who behaved like a jerk and broke my heart. :/
Ha, nice point! :) I just didn't feel anything, so I couldn't force it.
DeleteI would like to keep him around in the same capacity we met, I'm not sure about hanging out solo. Maybe too awkward? We'll see.
I definitely have a problem with bad boys. Or one bad boy. I feel suffocated by sweetness after ONE date with a nice guy, and I immediately crave the other one. I'm SUCH A CLICHE.
Dude, don't be so hard on yourself! If you're not feeling it, you're not feeling it - and that's totally fine :) There has to be some level of attraction and if it's not there, it won't work. Good for you for at least going out with him :)
ReplyDeleteI know, I just hate that someone finally did something sweet for me like the flowers thing, and I can't make myself click with him. Instead, I pine for assholes. :/
DeleteIts not that you're broken (and I feel the same way when I don't like nice guys), and its not that you don't like him because he is "nice to you" you just don't like him. You're just not that into him. There needs to be something there. A good conversation, a matching personality, even if he isn't "your type" there needs to be a starter to light the flame, and he doesn't have it.
ReplyDeleteI would just tell him that you are not looking to date, and don't want to be anything more than friends. Or some other excuse like that, whatever people say. I don't know, I don't do the friends thing, I'm a total jerk and do the fade away. Its my favorite.
Thank you...I think I really needed to hear that. So many people tell me that I'm being too quick to dismiss, that I'm putting too much value on an instant spark. I've really started to question my judgment, and the reasons I like people, and it's really screwing with my head.
DeleteI need to remind myself that a spark doesn't have to mean that I want to immediately throw the guy down and start making out with him, but that it can also mean that he can make me laugh easily, or make me flush with something happy and anticipatory just by glancing at me, or that conversation flows with little effort. Chemistry is not only physical, but interpersonal...and I just don't have it with this guy.
Is it disappointing? Sure. It would be nice to have met someone IRL, to have it come about naturally for once. It would be nice if he was the guy who brought me flowers AND butterflies. But this time? Not it.
Thank you again. :)
Three thoughts:
ReplyDelete1. The guy is nice but also aggressive (in a pushy, unattractive way, not in a take charge manner that some women go for).
2. He seems a little socially awkward, or at least isn't good at reading body language.
3. Just be honest with him, you just don't feel it. I've been told that on a few ocassions after a first or second date, and certainly didn't hurt me. Judging by your next post, that sounds like what you'll be doing.
Took care of it this afternoon, and it went over really okay actually. Pretty much not a big deal, and I think hanging out in the group setting or even solo movies if that happens incidentally wouldn't be a big deal.
DeleteGood for you for trying something new. Sucks that you don't like him but as everyone else has already said, that's ok. Just be honest with him.
ReplyDeleteAlready did, and he was very cool about it. :)
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