Oh boy, my online dating inbox has been full of gems lately, I tell you! A girl can just feel overwhelmed when she has so many promising options on the horizon! I'm just so excited I have to tell you about them.
The Master of Flirtation: His opening (and only!) line was, "Can you say boobs on here?" Oh, how I swooned at his appreciation of the female form, as well as his thoughtful inquiry to gauge what was appropriate. What a man!
The Adventurer: Twenty-five year old gorgeous lad who messages me with, "I've got 2 young studs for you tonight..game?" WELL, OBVIOUSLY! I am having such kick ass luck with one guy, why not throw another into the mix??? Plus, I'm super into multiple partners at once, that's so me. Did sleeping with E at such an early point (4 dates, 3 weeks, Ha!) annoint me as the easy girl who is open to a double team? Oh, the pride I feel at being propositioned by such a pretty face. I responded because I was bored and thought I may as well have some fun with it.
Me: Sounds like a lot of work.
Him: I'm pretty sure you can handle it...you look like a champ! So are you in? [DOES THIS MEAN I LOOK LIKE I GET AROUND OR SOMETHING?]
Me: I'm good, but thanks for the offer. I'm not a fan of dividing my attention among multiple people.
Him: No, its all about you..haven't you been with multiple guys before? [WAS I SUPPOSED TO HAVE BEEN DOING THAT? CONSIDER THAT MEMO MISSED.]
Me: Nope. I'm a one guy at a time kind of girl.
Him: Ok, well how about just me..my buddy's getting tired anyway! [AWW, HE'S SO ACCOMMODATING.]
Me: Oh, you do flatter me, but I'm not only a one guy kind of girl, but I tend to like to know the people I'm hooking up with, and actually see the possibility of it going somewhere. Disappointing, I know.
Him: I know you're not the type, but I'm moving to LA in a week and you're feeling adventurous! [NO WAY. THAT IS SUCH CRAZY TIMING! I'M SURE IT'S NOT A LINE TO TRY TO SUCKER WOMEN INTO SLEEPING WITH YOU.]
Me: I am? I thought I was feeling tired after a long, stressful day of work.
Him: I meant you're at an adventurous phase in life...let's do it tomorrow night ;) I'll talk on the phone with you tonight if it would make you more comfortable. [YES! TAP INTO MY RESERVED NATURE AND FIND THE ANIMAL WITHIN! YES, A PHONE CALL WILL DO.]
Me: I don't think I'm quite that adventurous.
Him: Come on now, seize the day..you could be dead tomorrow! [BRILLIANT!]
The Shirtless Charmer: Twenty-seven year old man who apparently has no face, just abs. Impressive abs, but still. We engage in scintillating chitchat at his continued insistence, culminating in a gentle bridge to sensuality. He asks if he can ask something personal. I feel a quiver of anticipation, knowing something genius is coming my way. "Does it get you hot to know that looking at your pictures really arouses me"? OOH BABY. Who says romance is dead? This guy was a smooth talker, and when I was silent at his question, he continued to ply me with a heartwarming declaration about what explicit act he would like to do to me. I couldn't handle the romance, the passion, the....special things he had offered me. I had to leave him, like I left all the others.
Hot damn, I am lucky.
Then? I was coming home from work last night, just having gotten off the train and was walking to wait for my bus. Saw a familiar face heading into the Metro station, we connected eyes, and kept going. Yup, totally a POF dating site guy I'd talked to before, but never met. The world is a small, small place sometimes! I tracked him down on the site and messaged him to confirm it was him, and it was. Not my physical type really, but a nice guy, so we chatted. I need to do better at giving nice guys a chance.
Honestly, sometimes online dating (and hell, real life dating) is like going to the circus and spending the majority of your time at the freak show. SAVE ME!
56 minutes ago