Wednesday, February 27, 2013

How ever will I choose?

Oh boy, my online dating inbox has been full of gems lately, I tell you!  A girl can just feel overwhelmed when she has so many promising options on the horizon!  I'm just so excited I have to tell you about them.

The Master of Flirtation:  His opening (and only!) line was, "Can you say boobs on here?"  Oh, how I swooned at his appreciation of the female form, as well as his thoughtful inquiry to gauge what was appropriate.  What a man!

The Adventurer:  Twenty-five year old gorgeous lad who messages me with, "I've got 2 young studs for you"  WELL, OBVIOUSLY!  I am having such kick ass luck with one guy, why not throw another into the mix???  Plus, I'm super into multiple partners at once, that's so me.  Did sleeping with E at such an early point (4 dates, 3 weeks, Ha!) annoint me as the easy girl who is open to a double team?  Oh, the pride I feel at being propositioned by such a pretty face.  I responded because I was bored and thought I may as well have some fun with it.

Me:  Sounds like a lot of work.
Him: I'm pretty sure you can handle look like a champ!  So are you in? [DOES THIS MEAN I LOOK LIKE I GET AROUND OR SOMETHING?]
Me: I'm good, but thanks for the offer.  I'm not a fan of dividing my attention among multiple people.
Him: No, its all about you..haven't you been with multiple guys before? [WAS I SUPPOSED TO HAVE BEEN DOING THAT? CONSIDER THAT MEMO MISSED.]
Me: Nope.  I'm a one guy at a time kind of girl.
Him: Ok, well how about just buddy's getting tired anyway! [AWW, HE'S SO ACCOMMODATING.]
Me: Oh, you do flatter me, but I'm not only a one guy kind of girl, but I tend to like to know the people I'm hooking up with, and actually see the possibility of it going somewhere. Disappointing, I know. 
Him: I know you're not the type, but I'm moving to LA in a week and you're feeling adventurous! [NO WAY.  THAT IS SUCH CRAZY TIMING!  I'M SURE IT'S NOT A LINE TO TRY TO SUCKER WOMEN INTO SLEEPING WITH YOU.]
Me: I am? I thought I was feeling tired after a long, stressful day of work.
Him: I meant you're at an adventurous phase in life...let's do it tomorrow night ;) I'll talk on the phone with you tonight if it would make you more comfortable. [YES!  TAP INTO MY RESERVED NATURE AND FIND THE ANIMAL WITHIN!  YES, A PHONE CALL WILL DO.]
Me: I don't think I'm quite that adventurous.
Him: Come on now, seize the could be dead tomorrow! [BRILLIANT!]

The Shirtless Charmer: Twenty-seven year old man who apparently has no face, just abs.  Impressive abs, but still.  We engage in scintillating chitchat at his continued insistence, culminating in a gentle bridge to sensuality.  He asks if he can ask something personal.  I feel a quiver of anticipation, knowing something genius is coming my way.  "Does it get you hot to know that looking at your pictures really arouses me"?  OOH BABY.  Who says romance is dead?  This guy was a smooth talker, and when I was silent at his question, he continued to ply me with a heartwarming declaration about what explicit act he would like to do to me.  I couldn't handle the romance, the passion, the....special things he had offered me.  I had to leave him, like I left all the others.

Hot damn, I am lucky.

Then?  I was coming home from work last night, just having gotten off the train and was walking to wait for my bus.  Saw a familiar face heading into the Metro station, we connected eyes, and kept going.  Yup, totally a POF dating site guy I'd talked to before, but never met.  The world is a small, small place sometimes!  I tracked him down on the site and messaged him to confirm it was him, and it was.  Not my physical type really, but a nice guy, so we chatted.  I need to do better at giving nice guys a chance.

Honestly, sometimes online dating (and hell, real life dating) is like going to the circus and spending the majority of your time at the freak show.  SAVE ME! 



  1. I mean... really??? What is wrong with people! Does this shit actually work on anyone???

    1. I HOPE the answer is no, but I suspect it must work on occasion. In particular the hot guy asking for a hookup...that one probably works sometimes.

      Sometimes you have to laugh at this shit so you don't cry about it. :p

    2. I realize I'm OCD scared when it comes to things like germs and STDs but don't people worry about these things? Condoms don't protect against everything - and they can break - and I always wonder if people who sleep around worry at all.

  2. My favorite are the shirtless, self-portraits in the mirror guys. I mean, really, who cares about personality, those abs speak volumes! ;) Drives me nuts.

    1. Ha, that's a classic shot for most of these guuys!

  3. I don't know, I mean if the 3 way guys were hot and hung I would consider it. YOLO. Hahahaha. Ew I almost hate myself for typing "YOLO". Btw, how did he not say that to you???? Dude needs to up his bro game, especially if he is moving to LA.

    Yeah, guys are creeps, this is why I wish I liked women. I've never heard of a woman saying creepy ass shit like this to other women.

    I should start fucking with men like this too. Perhaps you should get some revenge by sending creep messages to guys like this? I think I may be on to something.

    1. I couldn't do it, LOL. It was fun to play with it a little bit, but ultimately I had to give up the ghost. :)

  4. You are brave to use POF, of all the creepers I encounter, I find the worst on that site! Then again, I once met a flight attendant who met her wonderful husband on POF.

    What's interesting is that there's plenty of women giving off the "f*** me" vibe on these sites, so why do these guys prey on the ladies who actually want a legit relationship?!

    1. I've heard that in other places, but by far it is the best one I've used here.

  5. I'm new to your blog so I have to ask... where are you meeting these guys? The Craigslist romance ads?
    Seriously, I did online dating (that's how I met my husband) and there were some real winners in the bunch. I think my favorite was a message that said "hey you having a good weekend?" that was it. No capitalization. No punctuation. And it was sent at 10:30am on Friday morning. I didn't bother responding to that one.

    1. Nope, I don't play on Craigslist. That's just dirty on there!

      I've done all of the big ones, (Okay, but meh), eHarmony (the desperation hit me like a wall when I got on that site), OkCupid (so so) and PlentyofFish (my personal favorite).

      There are winners and losers on each, I think! :) I think it's awesome you met your husband via online dating!