Monday, February 4, 2013

I win

So I never gave in and emailed E last night.  I was going to wait until my lunch hour before surrendering because on all significant levels, I am not programmed to play these kind of games.  Lo and behold, an email arrived in my inbox this morning, so it seems my hesitation paid off.  I forced his hand, a ha!  ;-)

So in other news, Georgia contacted me this weekend.  We'd been talking over text each day, but quite unexpectedly, he called me Saturday afternoon.  We talked for nearly an hour and a half, and it was actually a really good conversation.  We get along ridiculously well over the phone, and it makes me suspect it would be the same in person.

That conversation actually caused me to see him in a new light.  Previously I really thought our interaction was pretty superficial since the first couple phone calls a few weeks ago.  It was a lot of chit chat and flirting, not a lot of substance.  But Saturday's conversation really turned that around.  He was much more sincere, and when I mentioned his weeklong disappearing act, and teased him that he was in danger of losing his number one status in my online dating world (ie the date Saturday night) he seemed genuinely disappointed and flummoxed. 

He explained his absence, and it was actually what I suspected.  We'd both previously agreed that we're the types that generally like to meet sooner than later because we don't like to chat endlessly, get attached and then meet and have it not pan out.  But circumstances dictated otherwise, and we were both seeming to get a bit attached, and I'd expressed additional concern about it.  He said he backed off a little because of that, and call me silly if you want, but I believe it.  He seemed very sincere, and said that he wished that if it were bothering me I would have said something.

Valid point!  I was tempted many times, but I got caught up in the whole game of it, not wanting to initiate contact with him again when it was his "turn" or whatever.  He lamented that this kind of thing always happens to him:  he meets someone he likes, and then right before he's supposed to meet them in person, they meet someone special and he loses his chance. 

This is one of those situations where I do admit to feeling a bit torn.  I really want to meet Georgia.  He is driving up here with his Mom on Wednesday, and I believe he said she'll be here through the weekend.  He has ten days off almost immediately, and it sounds like our likely first meeting would be about a week from now.  Right now, a week feels like a small eternity.  I really want to just meet him and see how things translate in real life. 

In a factual analysis, E wins easily.  He is a stable adult with a career, a home, a dog, and a history of committed relationships of varying levels.  He's thirty-five, so he's a year older than me, but not too old. He doesn't drink, which honestly, is kind of appealing.  I get so tired of guys asking me to go out for a drink, and I never was a huge drinker before.  Now that I'm doing the whole self-improvement thing, drinking is even less appealing.  As long as he's not one of those judgmental abstainers who shakes his head in disappointment when I go out for an occasional happy hour or drink at my holiday party, I'm good with his stance.  Aside from that, he's cute, well-spoken, intelligent and funny.  He is a veritable checklist of good qualities to have in a potential mate.

Georgia, on the other hand, is like a laundry list of issues.  On the plus side, he is cute, has a career and is intelligent and hilarious.  He's charming and flirty and adorable.  HOWEVER.  He's never had a long term relationship, and he's 30 years old.  He says he is looking to commit to something real now that he's getting older, but the idea of being the guinea pig in that scenario is less than appealing.  His career is also severely unsuitable to encouraging a long term committed relationship.  I found out Saturday that while I knew the job would involve travel, he could be traveling up to 200 days a year.  Um, yeah.  That's a lot.  A damn lot. 

Maybe if I were single and 25 this would be appealing.  But I'm on the downward slide of 34 toward 35 years old now, and I don't want a piecemeal relationship.  I don't want a trial run of someone trying to figure out how to commit.  I love my solo time, I love being independent, but I don't need THAT much solo time.  He would likely be gone a week at a time, with non-travel time in between, but that doesn't make a difference in the big picture.  Big picture looks like a lot of work, and a less than ideal set of circumstances.

It's frustrating.  I wanted to meet Georgia and see for myself, and I plan to do so.  We get along well enough that I would like to think that at the very least, we could be friends.  He doesn't know anyone in the immediate area, and he'll be living really close by, so why not?  But it is disappointing that, for all practical purposes, I know he's not likely a good match for me.  It's frustrating because we do seem to click really well thusfar.

Sometimes I'm aggravated that my life got so off schedule, and that I seem to often meet the right people at the wrong time.  If I were at another stage in my life, Georgia might have been the perfect fit.  The ideal way to balance my need for independence with my desire for a companion.  Maybe we could have learned how to healthfully commit together.  But at this point I'm not sure I have time to figure this out with him, especially with his job sending him away so often.

I know E is a better potential match, and I'm going to see that through, and I look forward to it.  But i am going to meet Georgia, just to see.  I want to continue with my goal of making better decisions for myself, so I will factor in all pertinent factors if the need arises.  I am tired of being pulled toward the wrong people, and I'm definitely aware of the history, and I'm proceeding with caution on all sides.  :-)


  1. I'm glad you're going to meet Georgia anyway. Jobs change. That said, being in a long distance relationship for the foreseeable (which it sounds like this would essentially be) is TOUGH. Even when the relationship is awesome, it's really difficult. Do you think that if you hadn't met E you would still be as drawn to Georgia? Was he a player before and just the non committal type? This is not a bad problem to have, bluemoon! When it rains it pours.

    1. Yes, I definitely want to meet him just to see. I don't want to close any doors just because on paper he's not ideal, or else I'll wonder!

      I don't think Georgia is necessarily a player. He told me he's just had trouble committing in the past and that he thinks too much and self-sabotages. All flirting and silliness aside, he does seem really sincere in that regard.

      Yeah, I suppose it's not a bad problem, LOL. I was telling a friend this weekend it's always feast or famine for me with dating!

  2. I tried to post you a comment on your post last night but my phone was being difficult. Ha. So I was going to say the best advice I've been given while playing the dating game is, "If you want something, go get it." That's what I was going to say with emailing E. That's what I say with discovering what may be to discover with Georgia, and it's what I say with continuing to discover E. Go get what you want, regardless of rules.

    1. This is really good advice. I will see where it goes with both, as it's so early still. I want to let both situations play out, in particular meeting Georgia in real life, as that may take care of that for me!

  3. I would date both of them. Neither of them has asked for exclusivity yet, and until someone does, dating both of them at once keeps your heart open. It keeps you from getting too invested in one or the other.

    And don't be so quick to discount Georgia. I've never had a long term committed relationship and I'm 30. Granted I didn't start dating till I was 18, and then after my first (who I dated for 2 months), I didn't date anyone for 6 years. So, perhaps Georgia just hasn't found the right person?

    1. Oh, I'm definitely not discounting Georgia for that reason. It gives me a little pause, but it's mostly the job thing that bothers me. I really don't know if I want to get into a situation where a potential mate is going to be gone more than half of the year, you know? That's a LOT. :/ I'm reserving all judgment until I meet him in person, though.

      In the meantime, I'll talk to both and see what happens!

  4. As everyone else said, don't discount the boy just because he's never had a serious relationship. My bff's bf never dated anyone before her and they're absolutely perfect together, I'm expecting them to be engaged any day now :-)

    I feel you on not wanting to get attached too much before actually meeting! It's one reason why I've been down on online dating lately. It seems everyone wants to talk for weeks before the first date. No, I want to meet you and figure out if you're as outgoing as me or as witty as you seem via text/email.

    1. Definitely fair, and I'm keeping this in mind. I'm mostly concerned about the job situation actually!

      Yeah, I don't want to talk for ages without meeting. This was a rare, circumstance-defined exception!

    2. To add to Annie's story of her bff, my friend's now husband had never even kissed a girl until they met (he was 33) and there's nothing 'wrong' with him. They're happily married and just had a baby!

      E sounds great on paper and he might be an awesome guy, but don't rely too much on paper. :)

    3. Yes, I'll have to see how this continues to go. I do know that like you said, great on paper COULD translate to great in real life, but its no guarantee!

      Love that story, btw. I like hearing things like that. Gives me hope!