The Other Stuff

So I successfully and completely blogged about all things E-related last night.  Now that we have that covered, I'm going to talk about the other stuff.

Georgia:  MIA. Again. Thoroughly unimpressed.  We haven't spoken since Thursday, and that was just me texting him to say I hope he'd arrived safely.  He responded that he had, thanks, and I said I was glad to hear it.  That was the end. 

Sure, his mom had driven to town with him to help him move.  Yes, she was here until Sunday.  Yes, he worked Friday and will work today and tomorrow before his ten days off.  Yes, he was moving to a brand new city, getting settled and everything else.  But I know he is a texter, as I've seen it, and I don't merit one single text in all of that time?  It's a turn off.  It's worse because it's the second time he's done this, and really, I feel like he may have sealed his own fate.

I had a window I was leaving open for him.  First it was against the odds because I hate waiting so long to meet someone once I start talking to them.  But I held on because I liked him and we had chemistry.  Then I met E, and the window closed a little bit.  Then I went out with E again, and we kissed, and the window closed more.  My heart cannot handle too many visitors at once.  Then Georgia finally arrives in the same city as me, and our contact disappears.  At the same time, I see E for the third time, and things really click into place. 

I kid you not, last week I was struggling to recall E's name when in discussions of my man situation, and Georgia's name came easily.  Now the tables have turned, and Georgia is pretty much on the sidelines.  I have no desire to have another flaky, come and go as you please man in my life.  I had that for almost 2 years with Artboy, and I don't need a new guy to fill that role.  Georgia had charisma like you wouldn't believe, he oozed sex appeal and charm.  But I really feel like my initial instincts about him are proving themselves to be true...he is not what I'm looking for in the big picture.  I need a grown up who follows through on things, who doesn't disappear and reappear at his leisure. 

Baltimore is doing the same thing, just in a lesser capacity.  We talked most of Thursday via text, then ended things mid-conversation essentially, with him dropping the convo.  This morning around 8:30 he replies to the last thing I said, like three days hadn't passed since.  WTF?

And Artboy?  MIA.  Again. And I'm glad.  I had a realization this weekend.  Regardless of where things go with E, I will not be seeing Artboy anymore.  I will not be getting pulled into his web, or being manipulated back into the game with him.  I've been lying to myself for a long time about that situation.  This was not a friends with benefits relationship.  We are not friends.  I cared about him, but he does not care about me anymore. The fact of the matter is that I don't think he even likes me anymore, and he certainly doesn't respect me.  No one who respected me would routinely say the kinds of things he does to me.  He is the only person left in my life who talks that way to me, and even if he usually apologizes when I call him on it, he ultimately never changes. 

One of my friends once likened the situation to me being a toy he picks up and plays with when he wants to, and then discards when he gets tired of me.  He sees me as the forever faithful toy, waiting for him while he's gone, ready to forgive any misdeeds or neglect just for the gift of his company. 

Forget that. Let it be known that on this 11th day of February, I am officially resigning from the Artboy whipping girl role.  No longer will I shoulder the burden of being his outlet for his broken little emo boy frustrations, no longer will I worry about his delicate emotional state or explain away his shitty behavior.  Most importantly, no longer will I be at his beck and call, willing to overlook the litany of crappy, disrespectful things he's said to me. 

I don't know where things will end up with E.  I really don't.  But it is so refreshing to meet and spend time with someone who is respectful.  Kind.  Funny without being caustic.  Reliable.  A real, live, functional adult. 

I am better than these broken toys I've been playing with in recent months.  I don't need the grief, or the unexplained absences, or the total lack of self awareness so many of them have.  I am not your second choice, your backup plan, your safe haven.  I am not your emotional punching bag.

I have spent six months working on my physical well being, and all the while, without realizing it, my emotional well being was getting a workout, too.  I feel stronger on all fronts, and I feel good, and I am proud of myself for what I have accomplished and for what I will accomplish...and this includes closing the door on the unhealthy things that linger in my life.  Good riddance.