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Monday, February 25, 2013

Surrender, Dorothy

Sometimes I feel like I can no longer come up with any good reasons to keep with this whole dating business.  Right now is one of those times.

I'm still stewing over how things played out with E.  How could something go from so good and such potential to this in a week's time?  I allowed myself to break my own rules and I got truly excited about the possibilities, the potential, and I was marveling over the fact that I seemed to have finally found an emotionally mature, functional adult male to spend time with.  And then.  Sure, I'm glad to have found out now versus down the road, but it doesn't take the sting away.  I liked him.  A lot.  And his dismissive parting email makes it pretty obvious that I was more invested than him.  Yeah, I'm cute and very sweet.  Awesome.

I cannot figure men out anymore. 

I went to a meetup event on Friday night.  It's a 30s group for Northern Virginia, and it was my first event with them.  About 20 people showed up for cosmic bowling, and it turned out to be a really good selection of people.  There was a subgroup of about 10 people that I hung out with most, and I actually had a fantastic time.  I was really glad I'd kept my plans to go, especially once I got E's email while I was waiting for everyone to arrive at the bowling alley.  The distraction and all the new faces were welcome. 

I even won a game of bowling with my own personal best score of 149, at least in years and years and years.  I was a happy, flirty, fun social butterfly and it was an ideal way for me to spend the evening.  One of the people I met was a guy who I clicked with fairly instantly.  We ended up talking lots throughout the evening, and at intermittent periods we learned a lot about each other through questions...jobs, pets, family, hobbies, interests.  We were really getting along, and discovered that we are both horror movie fans.  We talked about going to see a movie sometime, and when we all dispersed, he said he would be in touch, as he'd pulled up my profile on meetup.com in front of me to make sure he could find me.

So Saturday afternoon I get a message from him.  He told me he had a great time and thanked me for making his first meetup so fun, and gave me his number.  Told me to let him know when I was up for that movie.

I was super busy all Saturday afternoon, so I replied later that night via text.  You know what I got in reply?  Nothing.  Because men are driving me to the point of insanity and I kind of don't give a shit about rules anymore, I messaged him via meetup late sunday afternoon.  Made a joke about how I'd texted him since he told me he didn't like talking on the phone, and teased him about not replying.  Told him I hoped he had a good weekend, and that was it.  Nothing.

WTF?  He suggested getting together for the movie.  He messaged me.  He gave me his phone number.  And then I actually return the contact and I get dead silence in response?  I give up.  I will never understand WTF is going on in the heads of these men.  Truly. 

That just goes to show that you can meet screwed up, unreliable, ridiculous men just as easily in real life as you can via online dating.  It's not online dating that's messed up, it's men in general.  No matter where you dig them up, they all seem to have a swimming pool of issues in their possession, and I'm tired of being jerked around. 

If you don't want to follow through on seeing me or talking to me again, don't suggest getting together.  Don't give me your number.  Don't act like you like me, or tell me you like me or give me any positive signs of any sort if you just intend to screw me over or ignore me.  I'm not asking you for this stuff, you're OFFERING IT for no reason, apparently with no intention of meaning anything you say.

I'm frustrated.  Really frustrated.  I'm not doing anything wrong here.  I'm not being over the top or needy or ridiculous.  I've been funny and charming and cute and interesting and dynamic, and I am a PRIZE.  A catch. I'm so much better than the bullshit that's been coming my way lately.  When will this bad dating mojo change for the better? 

10 comments:

  1. I really hope your luck changes, too. As for E, I wouldn't be surprised if you haven't heard the last of him, as that tends to be what happens to you, so be prepared for that just in case. The meetup guy... SO. ANNOYING. I wish I had something to say to make you feel better but the whole thing is fucked up. I know a dating hiatus won't help guys who are IDIOTS but do you think it might be beneficial for you after all the frustrating shit you've been going through? Have you heard from Georgia?

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    1. I think that if I took a dating hiatus everytime I encountered a dumbass, I'd be on permanent hiatus. ;) I'm clearly not motivated to make some huge effort to initiate things at the moment, but I'm no longer seeing a lot of benefit to taking official breaks. If I'm interested in someone who contacts me, I'll pursue it, if I'm not I won't. Granted, this could change, but I guess I'm just learning that in many ways dating will always be a merry go round of stupid, and getting off every now and again doesn't change that!

      Georgia is a dick. Once I gave him that teasing, but serious ultimatum (Pick a day to meet in real life or hasta la vista, baby), he never contacted me again. I'm going to say it here: I think he was catfishing me in some way. I'll never know how exactly, but that's what I think!

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  2. I concur with everything you said in this post. Men have become flakey douchebags, and I'm not even in a "man hater" state of mind saying that. There are nice guys, and you know what, I've gone out with them. They just come off as so desperate or clingy that I was scared off.

    I've decided to be more selective, and I'm really not into initiating contact besides an email or something online. In this case I would have given my number to the guy to see if he contacted me.

    I'm so over men, I wish I was attracted to women! I wonder if its any better on the other side though..

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    1. I am just burnt out on all of these fucked up little babies and broken people. :/

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  3. @Danielle - I totally know what you mean. Every time I date a nice guy, I'm like, "Meh." I feel like I'm only into assholes sometimes.

    My favorite dating coach/author says to wait for guys to contact you, rather than vice versa. Makes sense, but when they do, they should actually respond when we text back! Yeesh.

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    1. Yeah, would have been nice! No idea WTF happened there since he initiated it. My frustration knows no bounds!

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  4. It's so hard out there. Guys our age have so many issues and hang-ups. And, honestly, I think the online world (regardless of whether that's where you found them) has made it tougher. They want to text and email and whatnot. It makes it all too easy to just discard someone when you don't have to tell them in person/via phone because you never really developed that connection. I feel your pain.

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    1. Yeah, I am still puzzling over the events of the weekend. I don't know why, as solving these mysteries will never happen and won't change the bottom line, but it just bothers me.

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  5. I could have written that blogpost 4 years ago. I probably did. I am not going to tell you stuff like "When it's meant to be" bullshit because it would drive me nuts when people did it to me.

    But I felt exactly like that. You express so well what so many single women go through. Online dating sucks so bad but you kinda have to. I will never forget, EVER, the guy I had emailed with a few times and then we talked on the phone. As we are talking I can tell he's reviewing my online profile and looking at the photos. And suddenly he says "You have kind of big legs, don't you."

    What a winner. I did end that conversation quickly, but he gave me a huge complex about my legs for a few years. Ridiculous, I know, but it was such a "I am shopping in a supermarket (Match.com) " remark. Awful.

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    1. Yeah, the meant to be thing, while well-meaning, is a bit frustrating. Forget what's meant to be, this hurts.

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