because I can

I'm not going to lie-I'm not being very productive at work today.  My mind is in about thirty different places right now.  I am scattered and happy and full of plotting and planning and lists, and if this workday would just end already, I could get moving!

Got my tax refund today, which is awesome.  Because I am ridiculous, I have plotted out how to spend it all, including a chunk into savings, buying another personal training package to continue my adventures as always, and other assorted things.  This includes a long overdue appointment for highlights tomorrow afternoon, and plans that include Ulta, Target, Costco, Sports Authority, Best Buy and a plane ticket to visit a friend.  I'm going to indulge in some girly products like hair things and my guilty pleasure, nail polish, and maybe a new perfume, plus some more gym clothes (never have enough), and the most exciting thing, a certain kind of tupperware for fruit in my fridge.  ;-) 

Tonight I'm venturing out to have dinner with a friend and hang out for a bit before swinging by Best Buy and then a brief break at home before I head back out to the gym.  Will need to in order to work off the Chinese food I'll be eating.  :-o  ;-)

Tomorrow is V-Day, also known as Thursday.  My celebration will be to wear red if I have any, and to get my hair highlighted, and then go to the gym after work.  RAWR, I know how to do it up right! It is entirely too early to place some weird V-day burden on things with E, especially when I don't even care about V-Day so much.  I just remain excited for our Friday date. 

Speaking of E, two things. 

1) I have noticed that while people love to hear about my dating trials and tribulations, once I find some measure of possible contentment with someone, and I am in that phase of being excited and randomly chatty about little details about him, the interest wanes.  Am I imaginging this, or are my dating misfires a bigger point of interest than me actually meeting someone I like to hang out with???  I find that odd, and kind of sad!

2) This is my blog, and so I can gush and ramble and smile and feel fluttery all I want about whatever I want!  And I'll tell you, I am a happy one.  Just in general, but the things with E help.  I am excited about this person.  I look forward to talking to him each night, and each time I'm surprised by how much and how big I'm smiling, and how we are sharing the perfect mix of conversation with content and flirting without it getting all inappropriate or what are you wearing or boring.  It just feels GOOD.  He makes me feel good, I feel good on my own, and I think I make him feel good.  We are really clicking, and it's such a nice change.

One night this week I was telling him how jealous I was going to be of his staycation next week.  He told me that since he'll be off, his weeknight schedule will be more open, and that we should hang out one night.  He added, "if you're not tired of me by then."  I assured him I didn't think that would be a problem, and so we have tenative plans to get together during the week next week in addition to our Friday date,w hich makes me stupidly happy all over again.

And last night we were talking about our successes and struggles with our respective trainers, and our goals.  I told him my goal was to be in a bikini for the first time since pre-teen years this summer, and he told me he hoped he's be around to see it.  Now sure, the convo was about a swimsuit, so of course he wants to see it.  But it's not the first time he's said something implying that he hopes we'll still be hanging out at some later point, which is just really nice.  I like that it seems as if he's feeling the same way I am.  POTENTIAL.

Also?  He sent me a Facebook friend request yesterday.  I was really surprised, and I panicked for a second.  My last two status updates had been made pretty much in specific reference to him, although they mostly just spoke of how happy I was, and how I couldn't stop smiling.  I actually went and created a custom group to alter the audience for those two posts so he couldn't see them, and THEN accepted his request.  That is just a little too much honesty for me at this point.  ;-)  But on another note?  Damn, his FB profile picture is the most adorable thing ever.  Could he be any cuter?

If I sit around and think about him for any measure of time, I flush, I get butterflies, and I smile like a fool.  No matter where this goes, these are some of the moments in my life I wish I could bottle up, to save the feeling, because there is no way to accurately and completely describe how awesome it is, and it is not something that just comes along all the time.  These are the feelings I strive for.  These are the feelings I work to feel again each time I've been burned or hurt...this is what gets me back up on my feet again, moving forward....knowing that this is out there. 

I used to always say that my interaction with Artboy made me feel alive, even when I knew it could really backfire and hurt me...and in that situation it wasn't really an if, it was a when.  The beautiful thing is that *this* situation makes me feel just as alive, and it doesn't have some guaranteed daggers on the other side waiting to deflate all the good, or sometimes even actively hurt me.  I don't have to experience weeks of hurt and neglect and being dismissed to feel an hour of happy.  It's good to remember that.  Really, brilliantly, amazingly important.