and so it goes

And so the dating merry go round continues.  Thought it was time for a little status update.

Georgia:  Drove to DC yesterday.  Arrived very late, I believe.  Talked to him for an hour of his drive, and he remains as charming and flirtatious and delightful as ever.  We have a half a dozen different kinds of sparks going, and I like it.  Really looking forward to meeting him, though I've teased him that we have to meet in a nice public place because I anticipate the physical attraction to be strong.  I would be meeting him in a public place, anyway, but it is of greater importance here!

E: Conversing back and forth via email once a day, though I think we're (finally) moving to text now.  Dynamic with him is interesting, as he is definitely a more laidback guy with regards to communication.  He's not on me all the time, and partly I like it, but partly I wish he did enjoy IM or texting more, because I like those little touch points throughout the day.  They make me happy if balanced properly.  :-)  Maybe now that we will be texting I will see more of that?

In other news, Baltimore, whom I haven't spoken to since October and haven't seen since July, texted me out of the blue this morning.  No idea what sparked that, but I responded and we've been chatting back and forth.  I always liked Baltimore, even if I could never tell what the hell he wanted from me.  I don't know what he's looking for now, quite possibly nothing more than just catching up.  We never had some electric physical connection, and it was never serious emotionally.  I think that's why it was so easy for me to just pick back up chatting with him today, as I always felt pretty comfortable with him.  Still random, though!

Artboy is being a pain in my ass.    We usually share idle chitchat every day, but last week he suddenly dropped entirely off the radar for about 5 days.  He resurfaced earlier this week with no comment on his absence, and then last night had the boldness to ask when we were going to get together again.  Really?  I sometimes fail to remember the extent to which he takes me for granted.

I told him I was too busy, and joked/added that my time was valuable now (as opposed to previously, when I was willfully being a hibernating hermit, which he knew of and was actually very sympathetic to and encouraging about).  He basically told me that pretending I'm busy isn't the same as actually being busy.  WTF?  He later told me to "Go out on all the dates", and again mentioned the dating thing within moments.  For someone who doesn't give a hot damn about me, he sure fixates on the idea of me dating.

I used to spill to him for no good reason.  I'd tell him what I had going on.  This time I left the bait sitting in the space between us, and simply told him that my world is comprised of more than just dating, and that I was disappointed to see that he had such a shitty opinion of me after all of this time.  I reminded him that me dating didn't affect him and he said "It affects me greatly" [Sarcasm] and later told me "I just want you to be happy."  There were no useful emoticons associated with the statement to advise me of his tone, but knowing him, I'm assuming he was being more smartass, less sincere.  Our conversation ended shortly thereafter when he started talking in Artboy code.  I used to enjoy trying to decode it, but last night I was just fed up.  I stopped responding and that was that.

I don't know if I'll hear from him today.  Or in a week.  Or never.  Probably not never.  I'd bet on that.  But I do know that I am really tired of him lately.  The luster has worn off.  He is no longer the one who offers me earthshattering encounters that make me moon over him like new again.  He is no longer the misunderstood gentle soul whose behavior I rationalize and excuse time and time again.  He is not the one who sings to me and makes me laugh and makes me feel like the sexiest, most beautiful woman in the world.

Now he is just a manchild, emotionally stunted and with walls so high from previous burns that he is impossible to reach beyond a superficial level.  As those walls grew and solidified, as he withdrew further, our connection diminished, and now he's just the guy I fall back on because he's there.  He's familiar.  He's safe.  He's not earth shattering, he's not mind-altering or worthy of starry eyes.  I see him for exactly what he is now, and I feel him exactly as he is:  a shell of a person, at least when it comes to me.  My Artboy rose colored glasses have cleared, and the illusion is shattered.  Just like him.