wednesday whatevers

I love the little rush I get upon receipt of a text or IM from someone I'm interested in.  It makes me flush with excitement, smile reflexively and makes my day sometimes.  It's too bad that there is not a single person I'm talking to right now that elicits that reaction.

Every time my phone buzzes lately I pretty much know I'm going to be disappointed.  I get a fairly consistent number of texts from people I'm just not into.  Guy I dated briefly last summer who now lives in New Mexico ? Texts me almost every day.  I don't really know why.  When he first contacted me again a few months ago we we were exchanging emails and it was kind of interesting and fun, with no expectation of romance.  But now I find myself bored.  It's not going anywhere, including any real friendship. He's just a guy I dated a few times, never kissed, and will never see again.  A guy I would never want to date now that I know him more.  And a guy who gives me false hope that he's someone interesting every day when he uselessly texts me about nothing. 

Then there are the randoms, like the Hun guy, who texts me like 4 times a day even if I don't reply.  I just don't feel like dealing with him.  I would rather my phone not buzz at all than buzz with non-engaging, pointless contact.  I feel like I am maxed out on maintaining these silly friendships with people I tried to date.  I have enough friends, I don't need these guys.  I'm too nice, and I let people back in even when I'm done.  New Mexico guy is totally harmless, not toxic in any fashion, but he's just...boring.  And his relationship drama annoys me.  He's predominantly STILL hung up on his ex who lives in DC still and continues to treat him like trash.  In the meantime, he's hooked up with a friend/co-worker in NM who is way younger and constantly pitches fits and creates drama.  It's like being in high school, and it's boring.

I'm mean.  It's possible.  But I just don't want pointless drama of my own, nor do I want pointless drama of others.  Grow up already, you know?  I don't want to hear about how your 22 year old co-worker is chasing you around and how you TOLD her you couldn't give her what she wanted, and she SAID it was fine at the time, but clearly now it is NOT fine.  If she's such a burden, stop hanging out with her?  Nope, you want to stay friends.  Sigh.

Sometimes I feel like blocking half of these people from my phone, or just telling them how I feel straight up.  Subtract your drama from my life, please.  Take your high school antics elsewhere.  Contact me if you have something real to say, not to tell me how much I'm missing out by not seeing the latest Iron Man movie.  A) I'm not missing anything and B) Boring.

I wish I could cut out of work and just go to the gym.  I feel like I apparently have some frustrations to work out.  And this date tonight?  I don't even feel like going.  This guy is so BLAH to me.  I can remember his name and nothing else.  Not a single characteristic or piece of information stands out in my mind.  Boring.

I fear I'm verging on another dating burnout period.  I hate even writing about this because I feel like I'm just setting myself up to get that same advice that pisses me off EVERY SINGLE TIME.

Please don't ever, ever tell me any of the following:

You'll meet someone when you're not looking.
Get involved in hobbies you enjoy, you'll find personal fulfillment and you may meet someone who shares you're interests.
Online dating is evil/soulless/pointless.  Date people you know in the real world!

Any variation of the above will rub me the wrong way.  I'm not a stupid person.  If I could just decide to meet someone in real life I would.  It doesn't work that way.  Wanting it doesn't make it so.  I have enough hobbies and enough friends.  I don't have time or interest in joining a book group or a whatever else group.  My life is full aside from the romantic aspect of things.  I do not have some big personal void that only a group of strangers who like to do something I like to do can fill. 

Sometimes I just get burnt out on dating.  And for the record?  The people I meet in real life are no better. No more reliable.  No more charming.  No more intelligent.  No more dedicated to finding something real. 

Summer is coming.  It's the busier time of the year.  I have lots of things going on, and I also have lots I enjoy doing on my own in the warmer months.  So I'll be single for another birthday.  And?  At least I'll be single for another birthday while in Florida on the beach.  Life goes on, and I'm perfectly capable of continuing to function on my own....forever.  Ha.