Pages

Monday, March 4, 2013

Jebus.

So I went on a date on Thursday night.  He was a tiny little guy.  5'7 1/2", and I'm 5'6".  But he was just this really in shape, compact person, so he seemed smaller.  Anyway, he was nice enough and we chatted for 3 hours until Panera closed.  He was attractive, even if not my normal size I'm attracted to, and he was funny.  My various hesitations about him came from the fact that he has two kids, he lives about 40 minutes from me in no traffic, and because he implied that having been on a lot of online dates was weird in some way.

I've been doing this off and on for 2 years now.  I meet people in real life because talking to them forever online gets me nowhere.  I told him I didn't have a number, but that I'd been on many.  He claImed that he must just "pick well" and all I could think was that clearly he's not picking THAT well, as he's still single.  Right?

So I've been thinking about that since.  For the record, this guy put the nail in his own precarious coffin Saturday night when he offered to send me a shower picture.  PASS, thanks.  Anyway, I decided to try to get an approximate count of the number of dates I've been on, in terms of how many separate people I've met.  I went through my gmail calendar and my dating account emails, and I cobbled together a list.  I'm sure I've forgotten a couple, but I feel like it's probably fairly accurate.

Now, I had guessed it was about 30-40.  I was right.  I came up with 32, and given that I'm pretty sure I've missed a few, I'm going to guess that 35-40 is probably an accurate number. Two years, 35-40 people.

Now, for clarification, I didn't sleep with all of these people.  OBVIOUSLY.  Not even close! I didn't even kiss most of them.  Out of all of those people, 10 past a first date.  Of those 10, 7 made it past two dates.  Four made it past three dates.  Only two got to a point where I lost count of the dates, Artboy and Baltimore. 

But still.  Ballpark 35 dates in two years.  Some months there were none, others there were 3 or 4 different ones.  I went on another one on Sunday (sigh).  We met at a weird little pub setup in Whole Foods for coffee.  He was wearing a Trix (like the breakfast cereal) shirt.  Beautiful eyes, told me I was "pretty as a peach", but was too quirky for me.  It was actually really awkward for me conversationally, and I can rock the small talk generally.  He still asked me out again after!  :-/

35-40 dates.  Two years.  I've been legimately hurt by two of them.  Artboy and E.  I've probably legitimately hurt a couple myself.  And here I stand, another date on the books for this week with someone new, talking to another new guy online, wondering when it will ever end.

This is a merry go round I would like to get off, please!

13 comments:

  1. Bluemoon, I think we have ESP. I just started drafting a post about how sometimes, I'm just exhausted with the constant cycle of online dating! I know there's no way around it if I want to find someone, since meeting people in 'traditional' places hasn't worked. But it's tiring.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It really is exhausting! Like you, though, I just don't know what the alternative is. :/

      Delete
  2. Holy crap. Online dating has become like a sport!

    I was going to say to give the first guy a shot until he went and shat the bed - WTF.

    I think you girls should do a post on what you're looking for in a guy and non-negotiables, etc. Have you already done this?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Honestly, I don't know if I could even answer that today. I feel very cynical today!

      Delete
    2. I like that idea, obx. Like Bluemoon, I'll do it on a day I'm not jaded :)

      Delete
  3. Shower pic? Sleaze. 35-40 over 2 years isn't bad at all. Keep on truckin'.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, he messaged me last night. I didn't reply. Not interested!

      Delete
  4. I probably went out on over 100 online dates in the last 4 years.....I wish I would have journaled about each and every one of them....some I remember better than others because they were so traumatic. After I made it to 4 dates last May with someone I liked and 5 minutes before a planned date he texted me, "sorry, I am super busy with work, not going to be able to get together tonight or anytime in the next month." I pretty much resigned. And then, one night, I made a list of non-negotables and it involved over 25 items and some were SUPER superficial and low and behold, 2 months after that, I met the man I think I could marry, my only success EVER online or with a nice guy in general and I don't think it would have happened if I didn't make my list. Now, all preaching aside. It takes ONE guy. Just ONE. Finding him will take loads of perseverance, patience, and WHY'S and you are too good to settle. So, I wish you better than these horrific dates and I wish you love and I hope your best guy is right around the corner....so keep on kissing those frogs until then.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I sometimes wonder if I should keep a record of each date, either here or just for my own personal record. Some of them just seem so pointless, but it would be helpful sometimes to have that. Something to think about! Wonder if I could reach back into the recesses of my memory to catch up on most of the ones I've already done?

      I do appreciate the reminder that I just need one good date to change everything. One good guy. Sometimes I think I forget that! I love the whole end of your comment, and it's something good to keep in mind. :) Thank you!

      Delete
  5. Tiny guy was probably just jealous. No way has he had 35-40 people waiting in line to go on dates for him like you have the past couple years. It's funny you wrote this post though, I was just thinking about my number today (date number not the other number haha) and I think mine is about the same ballpark. Love reading your posts though! And of course I hope to hear news about promising prospects again soon :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey, I like the way you think. :)

      Yeah, the number is interesting, as I'd never really sat down to figure it out before. I suspect it will continue to grow with further blog fodder. :)

      Thanks for reading, and it's good to know others are out there in the same weird dating boat as I am. :)

      Delete
  6. Small dude, big ego I guess. I'm with you, I'm quite jaded, but worst of all I feel behind everyone else. Like I'm in the slow group or something. Its an awful feeling to have. It makes me question things, big things, like will I meet a guy in time to have children? I think that's one of my biggest worries.

    Also, this new guy at work just started online dating last week, went on 4 dates and found some girl he was really interested in and they went on there 2nd date this last weekend. He told me "I'm so exhausted from dating" I wanted to punch him in the neck. I'm also super jealous that he found someone that he's already into in only 4 dates. WTF???? NOT FAIR!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, I try really hard not to think about how time is catching up with me. If I knew I didn't want kids, I would feel so much less pressure, but I'm just not sure. I don't want it removed as an option, you know?

      Exhausted after 4 dates? HAAAAAAAA. For the record, I thought I'd lucked out when I first started online dating with Artboy. He was the first one I went out with, and it was basically an instant relationship..for a month. Then it imploded. :)

      Delete