An Epiphany Full of Obvious

For years I've heard that a sugary diet can contribute to all kinds of ills in your physical well being.  For years, I willfully ignored that.
For years, I didn't even try to know any different.

As everyone who reads this blog knows, I finally started cutting back on sugar for awhile, and I saw a difference.  However, I then fell way off the sugar wagon, and I threw myself back into the over-indulgence on all things sweet and tasty.  Only then did I fully realize the impact that kind of diet has on me.

Ever since things unraveled with E (and no, it wasn't all about him, though I was hurt by it.  It was also a lot of work stress), I have been on a little spiral back into bad habits.  I have re-gained some weight I'd lost.  I've felt lackadaisical, sluggish.  My workouts haven't felt as great.  I've slacked on drinking enough water, I've eaten almost no veggies.  You know what I've gotten for that indulgence?

The complexion of a 15 year old, tight pants and migraines.  So many migraines. 

So for me?  A diet laden with sugar and sweets, instead of nicely trimmed with it as a treat, equals bad skin, unhappiness in the mirror and how my pants fit, and so much pain in my head. 

Maybe I needed to have this setback to really see how much the sugary diet affects me.  Like I said, I never really knew the extent before because it was just how things always were.  Maybe it took being off such a sugar high for a bit to truly understand how that level of sugar affects me when I do give in.

I'm back to tracking my eating today.  I don't like it, but I need the accountability while I re-calibrate.  I weighed myself this morning, and I'm the only one that's going to be seeing the scale until I get back on track.  I could have cried about it.  I could have raged about it.  But instead I decided to take action, and I patted myself on the back for at least maintaining the working out.  If I'd fallen down on the job on that, too, the damage would have been way worse.

I am totally confident I can get back on track in the next couple of weeks, and that I can be back to where I was in time for my brother's wedding on April 6th.  I dutifully planned out my meals for today and brought everything I needed into work for breakfast, snack and lunch.  I have my dinner planned out, and I have a session with my trainer again tonight.  All of my muscles are still sore from my Friday and Sunday workouts, and I'm glad.  I'm glad to feel the soreness because it reminds me of the things I've stayed on track with, and encourages me to know that I can get everything else back in order, too.

Boot camp starts this week.  This means I'll be seeing my trainer 2-4 times a week (3-4 in ideal weather situations, as boot camp is outside) through June 1.  This is a good thing.  I hate boot camp, but I need it.  It pushes me in ways that my regular training sessions don't, and I need that right now.  I need that kick in the ass to go with the kick in the ass I'm giving myself.

I'm back to focusing on drinking a ton of water.  Watching my sodium intake, and cutting way, way back on the sugar again.  I know that if I do these things, my skin will clear up sooner than later, and my pants will loosen back up (these are the smaller size pants at least, I didn't regain that much, LOL), and my migraines will mellow back out. 

I have to remind myself of how much the exercise and eating better has already benefitted me, what with the finally all clear pap test and everything.  I need to remind myself of all the far reaching benefits these small choices can have, and continue to put a positive focus on getting back in line with how I want to live my life, and bypassing all the negativity and self-doubt and frustration I may have previously taken out on myself.  I made a mistake, I fell off the wagon for a bit, but I'm back on board. 

It's probably going to be a difficult week, but I've done it before and I'll do it again.  Lean meats, lots of fruits, VEGGIES, a ton of water, protein....I know the drill.  I've got this.  :-)