This morning was seriously gloomy! First of all, I slept through my alarm and just happened to wake up all disoriented at 7:35 in the morning. Missed my first bus because it came by early and stood in the rain and cold for extra long to make sure I didn't miss the next one. Got to Metro and just missed my train, and had to wait 8 minutes for the next, again outside in the cold. Metro was laggy today and we kept idling in between stations, thus making me even later. Walked my nearly six blocks to the office cursing winter and dreaming of a warming spring. Got to work an hour and fifteen minutes late. This is *EXACTLY* what a Monday feels like to me.
Got to work, had my breakfast of egg whites and turkey sausage. Had my mock hot drick of skim milk and Ovaltine Chocolate Malt mix because I was cold and needed it. Currently starving and wondering when lunch is, even though I'm very blah about my lunch. I wasn't feeling so motivated last night, so I have a sandwich awaiting me, plus an admittedly nice bowl of fruit I put together myself (grapes, blackberries, strawberries, raspberries and blueberries). I need to get started on my water intake for the day, but again, I'm feeling blah about it. I have carrots and hummus as well as cashews and Laughing Cow cheese available as snacks or lunch supplements. Dinner tonight will probably be some tilapia and a vegetable.
I am so bored of obsessing over food, but I'm really struggling with it on the weekends. I essentially ate way too much each day, and granted, it was stuff that was much better for me than things I would have previously overindulged in. But a boatload of extra calories, carbs and sugar will still make me feel fat and actually gain weight. I MUST get this under control. Eating right is turning out to be a tremendous struggle for me, in particular on days when I don't have a strict routine.
I don't want to think this much about food. I don't want to feel deprived or hungry or overwrought with numbers and calculations and expectations. I don't want the scale to go up again, I don't want to regain the half an inch I lost off my waist last week. I want to eat better, be better, do better, feel better, look better. But I want it to be easier, and I want to have the self control to handle myself on a weekend, even on a day when I have no set plans and I'm all alone and have no one to make me accountable in any way. But it is damn hard, and I'm really struggling.
I hope this gets easier with time, but I also know that in order for that to happen, I have to figure out how to get myself under control EVERY day, not just on weekdays. Five days of good can be totally negated by two days of out of control choices. Why is this so hard???
1 hour ago