Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Artboy Wisdom

So yesterday sucked, as you all know already.  I ended up with another headache, probably a combination of hormones, stress and whatever else.  I went to see my trainer and had a good session, and vented at him about my concerns with him specifically.  He addressed them, and also talked with me about my frustrations and struggles with the food part of all of this.  It did help put things back in perspective, and I'm glad I went home and ate a reasonable dinner instead of a roll of cookie dough.
;-)  He also told me that I'm getting him in trouble with all of my cardio; he said he has other clients complaining that they can never beat me.  :-) 

After my strength/toning session with him, I stayed and got 45 minutes of cardio in, so I was basically at the gym for almost two hours working out.  It was a good outlet for me, though.  I came home after and it was so stupidly cold out, I decided to take a hot bath.  I ended up sitting in a too hot bath in the dark, feeling the weight of the day on my shoulders.

Artboy IMed me to say hi, and I told him what a sucky day I had.  He didn't respond, and it pissed me off, so I messaged him and said something along the lines of "I need to remember that trying to talk to you about anything of substance is pointless."  He responded almost immediately and apologized and asked why my day had been so bad.

Well, that was like opening the floodgates.  I told him about my day, and about Angry Ex, and how upset I was and why, and I just vented to him.  I told him that I'd never been single this long before, and how I'd never had to work for a relationship before.

He said, "You weren't being picky enough before.  That's why it was easier."  And you know what?  He was right.  I'd never thought of it that way before.  Truly.  When he said that it was like a bolt of realization struck me, and it was so interesting to have that perspective, especially coming from him. 

We talked more and I told him that I had a pattern of giving too much without getting enough in return, and how it had burned me, and that now I am so protective of my time and space as a result.  I got tired of losing myself in someone else and taking care of the needs of others over my own.  He said quite plaintively, "Maybe that's why you like me so much.  I'm pretty self sufficient."  I conceded the point.  "I'm a rare breed," he joked.  But it's true. 

I remain surprised to say that that conversation with him last night actually made me feel a lot better.  It gave me a different perspective, and also?  It was nice to have him be there for me as a friend when I needed him.  Dumping all of that on him was wholly unplanned, and I certainly didn't expect to have an actual conversation about all of the craziness running through my head.  But we did, and it was the first time I've felt that I had validation of why I keep him in my life, and why we still talk everyday and why I still enjoy hanging out with him.  He is not perfect.  He is not a good romantic match for me in the big picture.  But something about him gets something about me, and in those moments, it makes sense.

I eventually went to bed with the help of some Benadryl and Tylenol, and I woke up this morning with a lingering headache.  Took one of my migraine pills and by the time I got into the office I felt better.  I stopped at Whole Foods downtown and got some egg whites and fruit, and had egg whites and turkey sausage for breakfast with a glass of skim milk, and I have the fruit as a snack for later.  We have an All Personnel Luncheon today, so I will have to be careful with that. 

I'm trying to handle this eating thing properly.  I'm trying to cut back on sugar, eat lots of protein, watch my caloric intake and keep my carbs in check.  Right now that means trying to cut back on carbs.  My trainer talked to me about low carb work, but I think I just need to find a happy in between.  He said I can still have carbs, but it's about balance, and choosing good carbs.  If I have cereal for breakfast, I should skip carbs at lunch.  That kind of thing, hence the omission of cereal for breakfast today since I know lunch will probably have carbs. 

I imagine it will take me awhile to sort this out, but I'm trying.  I've never paid this much attention to my eating habits before, and it is hard and eye opening, but I think it will ultimately be beneficial.  I'm working towards a lifestyle change moreso than a diet because diets come and go, but lifestyle changes stick.  I just want to take better care of my body and support the serious efforts I've got in place with my exercise regime.  I also think that these modifications can only help my entire body feel and function better, and that's always a plus!

Tonight I will go to the gym, and then I'm going to try to get to bed earlier than usual.  I think that can only help, too, and there's no reason to stay up until 1am every week night. 

So far today is a better day.  I feel more in control of things again, and that is a nice change from yesterday.  Hopefully in a couple of days the hormonal stuff will head out the door, the dietary modifications will settle in a bit more, and I will start to reap more benefits of my efforts again. 

Cheers to re-focusing, a great support system here from all of you, and an unexpected voice of reason in the form of Artboy.  :-) 


  1. I'm really glad artboy could be there for you in a different capacity than he has in the past and I'm really glad that your conversation made you feel better. And he's right: sounds like you are "pickier" now - which is a good thing. Nothing is sadder than someone dating all the wrong people over and over and over again and not taking a step back and seeing that they're in a vicious cycle.

    I don't understand why people do these crazy-ass diets, either. Like, are you really never going to eat carbs again?? Ya may lose weight quickly but as soon as the diet is over, you gain it all back (and then some!) Smart approach you're taking. Here's to better lifestyle choices - including men! :) :)

    1. Yeah, it was kind of a refreshing surprise that he actually came through for me like a friend. I really needed the outlet last night and he handled it well and even provided some insight.

      I'm with you on the gimmick diets...they never last! It may be a real pain to figure out what works best for me, but it's worth the effort (and I'm still full from my protein filled breakfast, yay!). ;)

      Here's to better choices, like you said!

  2. I am trying to balance and reduce carbs, too. I find that when I eat them for breakfast, I have trouble eating well for the rest of the day. It does indeed take a bit of practice and everyone is different. Awesome work at the gym!

    1. Thank you! I, too, am trying to avoid the carbs at breakfast and focus on egg whites/turkey sausage and fruit if needed. The carbs thing is definitely turning out to be a challenge to adjust to, but hopefully in a couple of weeks I'll have it sorted out. :)

  3. I love when you told him this: "I need to remember that trying to talk to you about anything of substance is pointless."

    Call out! He does make a good point though, and you are lucky that you can talk to him about this stuff and not have him run away. Serious conversation, run away! I feel that Aquaman might run away if I tried that. I'm also protective of my free time as well, you put it in good perspective.

    Nutrition is so important with weight loss, I generally cut carbs out if I'm in that weight loss crunch mode, but in general I try to avoid them. I have my weakness (sweets, especially chocolate), but I avoid regular bread, rice, and pasta with ease. They are caloric fillers, and will metabolize into sugar anyway, I'd rather have a cookie if that's the way its gonna be.

    You'll figure out what works for you, and of course, moderation is key... And sugar is the devil, the sweet delicious devil.

    1. Yeah, for all of the faults and dysfunction my relationship with Artboy has, honesty is not one of them. I have cried at him, yelled at him, vented to him, and talked to him about things that would have made weaker men run, LOL. For better or for worse, I know that I can always be direct with him, and he will never be anything but direct with me. He's an oddity, I tell you.

      Carbs...that's hard. I rarely eat pasta, but I love sweets, I enjoy rice on occasion and I like sandwiches! I'm trying to just eat these things less frequently, in smaller portions and in better forms (whole grain bread, brown rice, etc.).