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Friday, January 18, 2013

Bluemoon, the closet destructor

So I had one of those mornings.  You know, the kind where you look in your closet, you try on your jeans, and everything looks wrong or inadequate or tight or awful.  I destroyed my closet trying to find something to wear, and I left it all in a big old mess I'll have to clean up later.

I seriously almost cried over the fact that my jeans felt tight (they'd just been washed) and I just felt unattractive.  I was especially frustrated because I had set my alarm for 5:15, gotten up, gone out to the gym for an hour workout and returned home to get ready to work only to be confronted with this.  I was pissed.  I go to the gym 5-6 days a week, plus meet with my trainer 2 days a week.  I've completely revamped my eating in the last couple of days, plus hugely increased my water intake.  And now there I was, standing in front of my closet feeling fat.  WTF?

Part of it is hormonal, I know that and I kept reminding myself of that.  But it remained infuriating.  I finally found something to wear, but I don't feel awesome today.  I feel a little discombobulated, not polished, not fantastic.  That's okay.  Not every day can be a glam day, I get that.  These are the hard days, when I have to remind myself that all of my hard work is paying off, but that it doesn't pay off in a lump sum.  It comes in waves, it comes gradually, and it's a process. 

I am doing good things for myself with all of my exercise and my diet changes.  I am taking care of myself for more reasons than just simple vanity.  This is a big picture type of adventure I'm on, not an instant gratification scenario.

So I found an outfit that worked.  I painted my nails a bright, irridescent purple shade that makes me happy.  I have an appt. for a haircut, so I will soon have smooth, organized hair for a couple of days.  And I packed my breakfast, lunch and snack for work, and I have my workout under my belt already, and these are all good things.

There will always be fat days, especially as a woman.  We can fluctuate so easily from one day to the next, and hormones can just toss us entirely off course.  But things even out eventually.  They settle, and the universe will feel right again, and one day sooner than later, I will find some kind of results from my newly revitalized dietary efforts.  Maybe in a week, maybe in a month.  Maybe on the scale, maybe in how my clothes fit, maybe in how I feel.  But there will be a reward.  There will be a payoff.  It is worth it.  It is all worth it.

:-) 

8 comments:

  1. There's a saying: You didn't gain the weigh overnight, don't expect to lose it overnight. I get really frustrated too, especially since those days for me are mainly hormonal, but it makes you feel like crap, or even lower!

    Perhaps do something fun after work today, just for you? See a movie or something? I will generally go to a yoga class, or do a little shopping.

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    1. I actually am going to see a movie tonight, so that should be fun. :)

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  2. Getting my period makes all my jeans tight - it's amazing. You're doing GREAT. You will definitely lose more once your body starts processing less sugar - not to worry. I feel this same way every time I have to pack to go see my boyfriend. I HATE my clothes and feel like I never have anything to wear, yet my credit card bill would say otherwise. Really annoying. Enjoy the weekend and the haircut and like Danielle said: try and just do something nice for your hormonal self. :)

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    1. Thank you! I know it's just one of those days, but it was just so annoying to start my morning like that! Definitely glad to have the weekend started. Enjoy yours!

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  3. You inspire bluemoon! Keep up your great work and on the days where you feel less than perfect, just remember that those days make you appreciate the other days all the more!

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    1. Aww, thank you. I really appreciate that!

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  4. Total high five for your ability to get up at the ass crack of dawn and work out. I WISH I could do that. It would make my life so much easier. You're doing great. And yes, as women we're always going to have days where we feel fat. I'm convinced that our hormones are evil evil things. When i'm on my period I feel like I need a different size BRA which just kills me.

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    1. Trust me, it was an anomaly, LOL. I am NOT a morning workout person unless there are exigent circumstances forcing my hand! I find I'm too tired and just don't get as good of a workout.

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