Bluemoon, the closet destructor

So I had one of those mornings.  You know, the kind where you look in your closet, you try on your jeans, and everything looks wrong or inadequate or tight or awful.  I destroyed my closet trying to find something to wear, and I left it all in a big old mess I'll have to clean up later.

I seriously almost cried over the fact that my jeans felt tight (they'd just been washed) and I just felt unattractive.  I was especially frustrated because I had set my alarm for 5:15, gotten up, gone out to the gym for an hour workout and returned home to get ready to work only to be confronted with this.  I was pissed.  I go to the gym 5-6 days a week, plus meet with my trainer 2 days a week.  I've completely revamped my eating in the last couple of days, plus hugely increased my water intake.  And now there I was, standing in front of my closet feeling fat.  WTF?

Part of it is hormonal, I know that and I kept reminding myself of that.  But it remained infuriating.  I finally found something to wear, but I don't feel awesome today.  I feel a little discombobulated, not polished, not fantastic.  That's okay.  Not every day can be a glam day, I get that.  These are the hard days, when I have to remind myself that all of my hard work is paying off, but that it doesn't pay off in a lump sum.  It comes in waves, it comes gradually, and it's a process. 

I am doing good things for myself with all of my exercise and my diet changes.  I am taking care of myself for more reasons than just simple vanity.  This is a big picture type of adventure I'm on, not an instant gratification scenario.

So I found an outfit that worked.  I painted my nails a bright, irridescent purple shade that makes me happy.  I have an appt. for a haircut, so I will soon have smooth, organized hair for a couple of days.  And I packed my breakfast, lunch and snack for work, and I have my workout under my belt already, and these are all good things.

There will always be fat days, especially as a woman.  We can fluctuate so easily from one day to the next, and hormones can just toss us entirely off course.  But things even out eventually.  They settle, and the universe will feel right again, and one day sooner than later, I will find some kind of results from my newly revitalized dietary efforts.  Maybe in a week, maybe in a month.  Maybe on the scale, maybe in how my clothes fit, maybe in how I feel.  But there will be a reward.  There will be a payoff.  It is worth it.  It is all worth it.

:-)