Monday, August 1, 2011

I'm a sucker

It's true.  My feelings have been hurt by an idiot.  Again.  :-)  At least this time it's not heartbreaking.  It doesn't merit wrenching sobbbing in the shower, or mournful nights at home alone.  It's just disappointing and hurtful. 

I thought we were friends.  I thought that beyond the fun surface stuff, we had a connection of some sort.  I thought I mattered at least a little.  But it turns out I don't.  I didn't.  I'm just a sucker, and I deserve the sting for not seeing it for what it was sooner. 

I trust too easily.  I put too much faith in people who don't deserve it.  My heart opens so freely, and a fair amount of the time that burns me.

In spite of this, I don't wish I were built differently.  I'm still glad, even in the midst of situation after situation that could leave me jaded and bitter, that I'm so open to people.  One day I'll find the right person who won't abuse it, won't manipulate it, and who will be just as open back.

"People won’t always know how to treat you.  Sometimes you’ll have to teach them."


  1. I am the same way. And I honestly believe that since we feel so easily, we will be able to feel lover more fully when our time comes. xx

  2. You don't deserve the sting just because you open your heart. There should be MORE people like you in the world. Open-hearters rule! One day you will be rewarded for it. Most people that don't live their life that way secretly wish they could.

  3. @Sarah: I agree, and I know that's been my experience in the best. I knew the bad had to balance out somewhere. :)

    @Alisonk: I was pretty upset when I wrote that, though sometimes I do feel like I should know better, and thus deserve it when I don't see it coming.