Friday, August 12, 2011

Kisses aren't contracts

Kisses are not contracts, but they do matter!

I didn't have my first kiss until I was 19. 

Including peck on the lip kisses, I've kissed 8 people.  Two of them were from the date parade and were solely peck on the lip kisses.  They were not my idea.  They happened unexpectedly and I just took it, and they were wasted on me.  I am weird because I like even my kisses to matter.  I hate that I wasted two kisses on people I didn't even like, one of whom's name I can't even recall at the moment. 

One of them was also from the date parade, but it was legit kissing, more than once, over the course of three dates.  Sure, the guy turned out to be a dirtball, but I liked him well enough at the time that it didn't feel like a kissing robbery.  :-)

The others were my ex-husband, my two subsequent ex-boyfriends, including the one I broke up with in March, ArtBoy and B-Day Guy, whom I admittedly kissed the night we all went out for my birthday celebration.  Sue me!  ;-)  In summation, these lips have not danced around town with any stranger who asked...I'm kind of selective.

I know that many people consider kissing completely innocuous, something they can fake their way through on a bad date just to get it over with.  I can't seem to get my brain to work like that.  I cringe at the idea of kissing someone I don't want to kiss.  I like to save my kisses for when I want to give them, not for them to be taken away or payoffs for a bad date. 

I know that some people think I'm being too choosy with my dating right now.  I'm not giving nice guys a chance.  I'm expecting sparks and magic and blowing people off with real potential.  But the fact remains..if I don't at least WANT to kiss you by the end of the first date...then to me it seems like something has to be wrong.  I should have that desire.  I should want it.  I shouldn't feel annoyed when it's expected and thrown off guard when it's thrust upon me.

Kisses may not be contracts, but they are also not throw away things to me.  Kisses matter.

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