Friday, July 29, 2011


It's amazing what a person can rationalize, justify and explain away in order to keep something going that shouldn't be going.  Denial is a powerful thing, and sometimes we just want a free pass to keep making the wrong choices with the wrong people, even though we *know* it's wrong.

I am so, so guilty of this.  All the time.  With so many people.  Let's just call it like it is:  I like assholes.  I'm attracted to people who are generally kind of shitty.  Kick me while I'm down, I'll love you forever.  No really.  I'm that sad.

I should disclose that right now I have a really bad migraine.  I've had it since last night, and I got terrible sleep as a result.  I would have stayed home, but my supervisor is still out and so I can't be out.  I'm here even though I feel like absolute hell, my head is pounding, the flourescent lights are killing me, and I'm nauseated.  It's a brilliant friday.

Add to that that a bad penny I can't seem to kick out of my life popped up after pissing me off and hurting my feelings last night, and he just did it again, and I'm having one of those moments where I wonder why the hell I even talk to him.  Sometimes I have this idea that he is really so sweet secretly, that he confides in me and values my friendship, and other times...he's just a dick.  Period. 

The point of all of that is that I'm in a bad mood already because I'm tired and I don't feel well, and I'm resentful of the fact that I'm stuck here at work when I should be home in bed, and I'm just kind of pissed off at the world today.  Today is one of those days where I really wish I had someone to take care of me, and I hate living alone and going home alone and going to bed alone, and even though it's not true, I keep having this thought that all the men I know are such assholes, and that's not true.

I am not fit for public consumption today.  I belong in a room by myself where I can't spread this negativity.


  1. I'm sorry you are not feeling well :(
    I hope your headache is feeling better. What about making some of the delicious sangria you had written about a while ago?

    Sending you hugs!

  2. @gatorchica: Thank you, and sorry for the delayed reply! My head got better that afternoon, thank god. I need to learn to stop being stubborn about taking what I know works.

    Thank you for the hugs. :)