Thursday, August 11, 2011

Stop and Go

I have started and quit so many blog entries in the last week I've lost count.  I have ideas of things I want to say, but none of them are materializing beyond my own thoughts.  It's been a weird week.  I've laughed a lot, I've cried more than once.  I do think the laughter side of the scale is winning by a little bit, so that's a plus. 

* I woke up with a skull-crushing, mind numbing, pounding migraine on Tuesday.  It was the worst one I've had in months, the kind where I have to try really hard to not cry because it only exacerbates the pain.  I stumbled into the kitchen for a waffle to force down so I could take my pill, got 2 icepacks, and crawled back into bed.  The pain was horrifying, and I tried so very hard to lay very still.  I slept until 11am, when I woke up feeling halfway decent.  I showered and went in to work, arriving by 12:30. 

* As if that wasn't lousy enough, I then got a call from my Dr. with some less than desirable test results from my semi annual lady parts test.  After three visits of nothing but good, I got a bad one, and it requires an uncomfortable, stressful follow up test that I've done twice before and hated with a vengeance each time.  I cried.  I was on the verge already after my morning, and I couldn't help it.  Cut to today, where I'm obviously not happy about this news, but I'm focusing on just taking care of myself and realizing that there's nothing I can do but wait and take the damn follow up tests and see what happens.  Cross fingers for me.

* In the course of two conversations with one unexpected person, I've spent probably 2 and a half hours on the phone laughing 95% of the time.  That's just impressive, and it reminded me that there are better things than IMs and texts and FB messages sometimes!  Actually hearing someone's voice, engaging in real time conversation, feeling the laughter rise up and emerge into the universe, for the other person to hear...pretty cool. 

Beyond that, I have a date tonight.  I went out with SillyBandz guy last Thursday.  We had dinner and then just spent awhile talking.  I like his personality well enough, meh on attraction, and on alert for red flags as he's going through a divorce and has a 6 year old daughter who lives out of state (hence the SillyBandz-she gave them to him).  We scheduled tonight's date during a text convo the night of our first date, and I have to say that my enthusiasm has waned so much since then. 

I don't know why.  He's very nice.  Very complimentary.  Funny and genuine seeming. So why can't I make it click?  Bah.  It's frustrating.  I'm honestly dreading it.  If I could cancel without feeling like an asshole, I would.  But he's so excited.  And I've been half blowing him off for a day and a half under the guise that I'm busy at work.  Avoidance is shady, I know, but damn.  I don't know what my deal is.

I'm more interested in just about anything else, honestly.  Oh how dysfunctional I am.  I'd rather be on the phone with B-Day Guy (my friend brought him out with us on my b-day celebration weekend) or texting friends.  I'd rather be at home watching DVR and eating leftovers.  :-/ 

Reminds me, I need to do a separate post about wasted kisses and weird standards, LOL.  Maybe later!

I have lunch plans with a friend today, a former neighbor who has since moved to a different area of town, so it will be good to catch up.  He is adorable and sweet and we always have a good time at our lunches.  Nice break for the middle of the day!

Anyway, that's me on this thursday, at least part one of what I have to say.  Maybe I will catch up on all the half thought out posts in my head!

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