Thursday, July 19, 2012

Then I fell asleep

Thursday has landed.  This week is flying by, probably because I've been so insanely busy.  Seriously, yesterday was mentally exhausting.  I'm having the kind of days where every moment is filled, and it is chaotic and I have to juggle and I am getting so, so much done.  Thusly, good busy, not bad busy.  But it's draining.  I came home from work last night after the most hectic day yet, and I promptly fell asleep for about 3 hours.  That goes beyond a nap and into excess territory.  I stayed up until about 12:30, then went back to bed. 

I also had a realization last night.  I think I simply have too much going on to be focused on dating right now.  I have scheduled plans tonight with that guy I mentioned earlier, but I am positively dreading it.  I don't care right now.  Plus, he just seems to need too much from me already and I haven't even met him.  He texts too often, even when I tell him I'm insanely busy.  Then at the end of the day yesterday he sent me a text that said "Text me when you get off work please."  I felt like I was in trouble.  It was weird, and I wasn't in the mood, so I ignored it.

Got home, fell asleep.  Woke up to another text from him that said "Not home yet?".  Seriously?  Maybe I'm just being ridiculous, but it felt cloying and like an overstep.  I ignored him again for awhile before responding "I fell asleep".  He texted back "Still awake?".  I waited awhile on purpose then responded that I had gotten something to eat, talked to my mom, and was going back to bed.  He responded "Let me know if you want to chat."  Um.  Yeah.  I just told you I was going back to bed.

I just don't have the energy or interest in dealing with anyone who needs anything from me right now.  Everyone needs something from me at work, so when I get off work, the last thing I want to do is be accountable to someone, especially someone I've never even met.  I don't want to feel obligated to have text conversations or take part in an annoying first date.  Lately, I just want to come home and be by myself because all day long I am interacting with dozens of people, and I just need a people break.

Don't worry, I'm not being entirely antisocial.  I went out last saturday with friends, I went out to a movie sunday night with a friend.  This weekend I'm going to see the last Batman movie with a friend on Saturday, and to a baseball game on sunday with another friend.  I'm social when I want to be, but I'm also perfectly content being on my own for most of the weeknights. 

My focus is on work lately.  Dating is a footnote, and lately even that feels like too much of a demand.  I feel annoyed when I get an email notification on my phone and it's a message from a dating site telling me I have a new communication.  I get frustrated and roll my eyes when I see a text from that guy come across my phone.  I feel totally turned off to the idea of this date tonight. 

I am giving everything I have to work right now.  I am involved in so many things there, I feel awesome about my role and the work I am doing, and that is enough right now. More than enough.  I'm happy to spend time with my friends, but I don't have the interest in building anything new right now.  It's another one of those strange realizations for me.....but it's true.  Dating is just not a priority.  My heart isn't in it.  I'm thriving at work, and even though it's exhausting, I feel awesome about what I'm doing lately. 

I think I may cancel that date for tonight.  Truly, like I said, my heart isn't in this right now.  I don't want to go, I'm not interested, and if I do soldier through, chances are my attitude will infect the date regardless.  I just want to disentangle myself from all of this right now, focus on other things. 

Right now I just want to see the Batman movie.  Watch a baseball game.  Get a free blowout from Ulta on friday night.  Finally get some errands done.  Look forward to my trip back to my hometown a couple weeks after we do the rollout at work.  Try to find someone to go to the amusement park with me. :-)

Life these days is tiring, hectic, and overwhelming in some ways, but I love it, and I'm happy, and I feel like I have a purpose and am being productive, and that is enough.   


  1. uhhh... even my own boyfriend doesn't usually text me that much. If he's doing that now, it worries me what he'd be like if you actually dated! Interested to hear if you went out with him...

    Awesome for you about work! Sounds like that's going really well (even if it's exhausting).

  2. Yeah, I don't think I can deal with him. I'm glad you also feel like it's too much...I mentioned it to my mom and she told me I was just looking for an excuse to get out of it. IDK, that felt too needy to me, and I felt like I was in trouble for not responding to his text when he wanted me to to.

    He already texted me this morning and said "Are we still on for tonight?" I'm considering the best way to opt out right now. Not interested.

    Yes, work is awesome, if crazy. :)

  3. I HATED when people would incessantly text me because, even if their intentions were good and they weren't a total creep, it never got far enough for me to find that out because they would chase me away early on. But then you get people who are horrible about getting in touch and that's terrible, too. Happy medium, people!

  4. @ames That's a very good point. He may have been lovely, but I just couldn't see past the neediness so early on. :/ Isn't there a happy in between? I feel like if it's the right person, someone I actually like, I am almost always going to be happy to hear from them, not cringe when I see it's them, LOL.