Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Can we be friends?

Can we be friends? 

Isn't that one of the most cliched cliches to ever exist?  Early on in my dating adventures (you know, about 15 months ago), I did this to a couple of poor souls.  I knew not what I was doing, I swear!  I just hadn't learned yet how to gracefully and maturely exit something that wasn't a match, and I worried about hurting feelings and somehow thought this would help. 

It doesn't.  Especially when you don't mean it!

I had a date last night.  He doesn't get a nickname because he's done already.  Date was fine, we met at a pub I've been to on probably 5 first dates now.  He was cute enough, funny enough, nice enough.  We had good conversation, he asked me a lot of questions, told me a lot about himself.  I thought it went well enough.  It was one of those things where we really got along, and though I hadn't felt a torrent of fireworks on the date, I'd have given it another shot on date #2, just to see.

Well, I texted him to thank him for dinner afterwards and told him I had a good time.  He replied back shortly thereafter and said something along the lines of "I don't think it was a romantic connection for either of us, but I really enjoyed your company and would love to make a new friend".  Sigh. 

So this guy wasn't my soulmate.  He didn't send shockwaves of sex appeal rippling through the air between us.  I didn't nervously blush or stammer in his presence.  But the fact remains that being on this end of a deal like that is no fun, even if he's right.  75% of the time I'm on that side, and while I don't love that either, at least I feel like I get a vote.  This way is just so....decided!

I didn't respond for awhile, but eventually sent back some flippant, "Sure, we can give that a whirl" even though I totally don't intend to.  I wanted to seem like a good sport, and I feel like it was partially my fault he went that direction in the first place.  During our date, we were talking about our online dating experiences, and I mentioned that I'd ended up friends with a couple of them.  So I think I opened that door, LOL.  Difference is that those just naturally evolved into friendships, we didn't DECIDE to be friends.

Oh, dating.  I really hate you sometimes.  ;-)


  1. I used to be just like that...years and years of dating and judging quickly.

    And now I am with a man who is truly my greatest love and we were friends for 4 months before I suddenly realized "HOLY SHIT, I want more" (this is after I had told him for 4 months that I don't want more and I am ok with having a friend)....

    I guess, in my case, I had gotten so burned and burned out by dating that the only true way to trust a man was through friendship;)

    Not saying this is the case. but dude judged super fast I think....I have to say the times where I was hot for a guy from date one (and vice versa) nothing came of it...I realize now there is probably a happy medium. I certainly have friends who were super hot for a guy and he was too and they are married now, but those aren't the majority.....most aren't as retarded as me to wait 4 months before they realize they like someone, but they are in the middle somewhere;)

  2. Yuck. Well, I guess he gets some points for at least GETTING BACK TO YOU. Not an ideal response at all, though, it sounds like.

    I'm curious how you let people know you're not interested if they want to go out again. I've NEVER been good at this and admit that I've been the jerk that just won't return calls because I didn't know how to politely reject someone. Would love to hear your thoughts.

  3. @Englandia: You know,I've historically been quick to dismiss people, but he even beat me to the punch! :o Sometimes I wonder if I've missed out on something like you have for lack of patience. You're right, though...the people I'm snap crackle pop hot for right off the flames out eventually and I'm left with a pile of issues. :/

  4. @ames: I've certainly done that before, too. I have made an effort to be more direct about it, even if I'm doing it the chicken way (text or email). I just tell them I didn't think we were a good match for whatever reason. I used to be terrible at it, now I'm just mildly uncomfortable when I have to do that, LOL.

    You're right, though-good for this guy for at least being quick and direct about it. I'd rather have that than be strung along.