Monday, July 16, 2012

Perfect (flawed) Fit

"In comes the dawn,
I've fallen asleep with my head pressed against your flaws"

-All I Ask of You by Skrillex

Sometimes the really broken things feel just right.  Sometimes the things that you know you should run away from are the things that draw you in.  Sometimes when you decide not to care, the door opens again, for a minute.  An hour.  A weekend.  Someone you thought you had to write off (someone you probably should still write off, someone you will vow to write off a hundred times over) inches their way back in to your world, just a little.

You feel the electric pulse of them.  You feel the dysfunctional, enigmatic, completely wrong connection, and you let yourself feel it.  You know it will probably hurt later, but it's worth it in the moment.  To feel that pulse is to feel present, alive, flexing with possibility and stimulated nerve endings and that fluttery feeling in your heart.

Unsolicited compliments.  Unexpected insight.  Momentary windows.  Sometimes when you stop holding on so hard, it comes back around to you all on its own.  Once. Twice.  More.  And you let yourself carefully appreciate each little moment because you know it will go away.  Soon.  Suddenly.  Unsympathetically.  Unceremoniously.

And you know someday you will have to wrap it all up in a box and put it away entirely.  You know it's not healthy in the long run.  You know the rollercoaster will lose its luster eventually, or that you will lose your tolerance for it.

But today is not that day.  Right now you just soak in the glow of it.  Tomorrow you will file it away with the flaws you already know, that hold this back, but that you accept.  Tomorrow.

No comments:

Post a Comment