Monday, April 30, 2012

Right on paper, wrong in real life?

I am sad to have bid farewell to another weekend.  Mondays are not my favorite.  I started off my day by spilling coffee all over my desk, two files, my floor and my pants.  Cheers!

The weekend was weird.  I was productive enough, I went to the gym, had breakfast with a friend and went on a long walk in the lovely weather yesterday and did laundry and got groceries.  But you know what I didn't do?  I did *not* gain a single ounce of clarity into the someone situation. 

This was my third saturday in a row spent at his house.  I was hoping for enlightenment and progress, but all I got was a trip backwards.  Whereas the previous weekend I felt like we moved forward, this week we lost that momentum and then some.  The whole situation is becoming more awkward and I'm beginning to think that this someone became a someone no more the first time around for good reason. 

Introverted is one thing.  Someone who is challenging to have a conversation with is another.

Beyond this:
When I used to come over, pre-things ending the first time around, he would spend a lot of time cleaning up in anticipation of my arrival.  Now?  The same pile of clutter has been on the couch for each of the three weeks I've been over.  The house is messy, though not in a dirty way.  Just mail cluttered on chairs, clothes in corners, that kind of thing.  

I've gone out to him each of the last three weeks voluntarily because he has a dog now, and I love getting my dog fix.  I take no issue on the face of that because it's been my idea.  However, the last two weeks I've gone we've gone out to eat (at the same place, mind you).  Because of how his driveway is situated, I end up blocking him in when I park upon arrival.  So I've driven us to dinner both times now, and the place is another 15 minute drive from his house, this on the heels of an hour drive each way to his home for me.  I paid for my dinner the first time, but this time I told him he could pay since I was having to do all this damn driving.

Also?  Tell me if this is wrong to be bothered about.  I've been leaving his house very late, the earliest being 12:30 am, the latest was around 2am.  This time around it was also raining.  Hour drive.  Rain.  Darkness.  Tired me.  Is it wrong to think that it would be nice if he ever told me to let him know when I got home safely or something?  Maybe this is an antiquated idea, but historically, even people who live 15 minutes from me have asked me to do that if I'm going home very late or in inclement weather of any sort.  It bothers me a little that he's not ever asked that, and that usually we don't talk for about 3-4 days after I see him.  He could at least check the next day?

I've decided to back off this situation for the time being.  I was giving him the benefit of the doubt and making the effort to reach out each week.  Since I burned him last time around, I understood him being gunshy at first, but come on's been three weeks.  The grace period is over, and if you can't make an effort to maintain conversation, look halfway presentable, pick up your house a little bit, initiate contact or plans with me or express any concern for my well being, then maybe I was right to close this chapter the first time around. 

I'm not swearing him off completely yet.  Honestly, I have this unfortunate feeling that he probably thinks everything is A-OK, just like he did last time around, and he probably expects that we will have plans saturday night as we have the last three saturdays.  He can expect anything he wants.  Right now our situation is weird and undefinined and moving in the wrong direction, so I'm obligated to no one. 

I'm beginning to suspect that maybe this is just not the right person.  However, I do think it has been a good experience to try again because I've gotten a lot more insight into looking outside of my "type", moving beyond what I'm used to, and being open to something that I wouldn't have before.  Hopefully I can carry these lessons forward.  Just because he fits the bill on paper doesn't mean he fits the bill in real life. 

In other news, I have tentative plans with the new guy on Thursday.  Looks like we will be doing drinks or coffee, in other words, standard first date fare in the online dating world.  Don't want to commit to a full meal if it sucks for some reason.  ;-)  Oh, how cynical we've become!  The guy seems very nice and in each message to me asks me a new series of questions about myself, and then I return the favor.  I enjoy the ongoing curiosity and that he's not just tapping out of participation after the perfunctory, standard get to know you questions. 

Regardless, my expecations are low because...well, look at my history this year.  ;-)  We'll see.

Time to return to my monday, I  suppose.


  1. bluemoon: I HATE when guys (especially my boyfriend) don't insist I let them know I got home OK. It really bothers me, too. I don't have too much advice to offer on that one but I've definitely let my boyfriend know (in a fit of rage, naturally) it really bothers me when he lets these things slip by and I feel unimportant. Now he's much more cognizant about it but I hope he's doing it because he actually cares and not out of obligation. My point being: I'm not sure if saying something is fruitful or not because, now, I question his sincerity behind it.

    Does the current someone know you're "dating" other people? I would be curious if he'd step it up a notch if he did...

  2. I'm glad to know you agree with this sentiment! I know it's a bit old-fashioned, but hell, I used to ask him to let me know he got home the first time around during our dating parade, LOL.

    I'm with you, though-I don't know if having it done out of obligation is even worth it.

    He doesn't know I'm dating others. I've tried to be discrete because a) we've not defined what we're even doing this time around and b) I hurt his feelings when we dated for about 6 weeks in November and December.