Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Four weeks

Four weeks from tomorrow evening marks a month since the breakup.  I miss him every single day.  I miss talking to him, venting about our respective work days to one another, and the way his eyes lit up when I used to come home from work, and he would exclaim, "Baby!" like he'd been waiting for me.  Sigh.  I miss that.

It took me awhile to figure out if I was just missing the companionship, or the idea of a relationship, or actually missing him.  While I definitely miss all the relationship stuff, I also definitively miss him.  I will not whitewash things and pretend we were perfect even in our finest moments, but there was a lot of good in us as a couple, and I miss that intensely. 

Anyway.  Today was good.  I got a late start to my work day because of an appt. with my apartment maintenance crew.  By the time I arrived at the office, I'd had a nice conversation with the aforementioned maintenance guy, gotten waves and honks while waiting for my bus to pick me up (LOL) and ran into an old neighbor outside of my building.

Once in the office, I arrived to a brand new, GIGANTIC monitor for my computer, which was pretty awesome. I could watch some movies on that thing if I ever wanted to hang out outside of working hours.  ;-)  23 inches of awesome.  I laughed a lot today.  It felt good.  I ate too much saltwater taffy courtesy of the junk food fairy who frequents our lunch room.  I dealt with stressy work situations without getting tense and irritable, and instead laughed it off.  I was productive, I felt good, and happiness was not so elusive.

I know it is a long road back to feeling like this all the time.  I know that in the back of my mind I've been consumed by some pretty weighty relationship things all day and evening long.  But I guess the big accomplishment is that I had a good day in spite of that tape playing in the background.  It didn't consume my day.  Small victories.  :-)

Tomorrow morning I have an 8am dentist appt.  Definitely NOT my favorite way to start a day, but better to get it over with I suppose.  Beyond that, it will be thursday, and thursday is almost friday, and friday is the weekend.  I have plans for a happy hour on friday, but I may bail because Saturday is looking full-ish and Sunday isn't empty either.  We shall see.  For now, time to wrap up and try to get some sleep!

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