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Tuesday, July 9, 2013

11 inches of boring

I fear that my time in the online dating world is nearing its expiration date.  I'm immersing myself in it this summer with the idea that it's the season for new experiences, new people and possibilities. But I'm also learning that with such great exposure comes some accompanying perils.

I recognize a lot of the people on the sites.  They probably recognize me.  This makes me sad.

Old ghosts frequently come back to haunt me.  People who blew me off originally.  People I've turned down or opted out of or avoided.  People I've blocked.  People I dated two or three times, but it didn't work out.  They come back.

I don't go back.  Once the door closes, it closes for good when it comes to online dating people that I barely knew.  I'm not going back for seconds.  And someone who basically told me no?  I'd never try that again!  But these guys are bold.  They do come back.

A couple of days ago I got a message from a guy I went out with once a couple months ago.  He was boring and told me personal trainers were a waste of time, and people should be able to get in shape on their own.  He was also a short little thing. 

Later he texts me, and I had to ask who it was because I have a habit of deleting contacts I'm mentally done with.  He told me who he was, and I had to tell him I didn't think we were a good match....because apparently that wasn't obvious when I never talked to him again after meeting him?  Sigh.

Then yesterday some guy messaged me, and his profile picture was some random picture of a robot.  I read his message and immediately got a creepy, familiar vibe.  I had this weird inclination that he was a reincarnation of a guy I'd previously talked to who created a secondary profile after I'd turned him down the first time, and who seriously creeped me out.  Turns out I was right.  I had to block the THIRD profile because this effing creeper keeps popping back up.

Meanwhile, some new guy started messaging me the other night.  I made the apparently poor choice of asking when his last relationship was, and he told me, and said it ended when they took things into the bedroom.  I didn't want details, so I just said it sounded like a mismatch.  He then declared that she just couldn't handle his size, and went on to tell me that 11 inches is just a lot for any woman to handle...but the length wasn't the issue for her, it was the girth.

SERIOUSLY?  WTF, mate.  First of all, throw me in the pool who can't handle that shit, because it sounds horrifying.  Second, you couldn't turn me off more than by repeatedly mentioning the specific length of your junk. 

OH WAIT.

You can.  Offer to send me a picture of it to help me get my mind around it.  I declined.  Dick pics are never cute, sir.  Those things are for function, not to be pretty.

Sigh.

I am talking to a couple possibly interesting people, but come on.  This is ridiculous.

I am getting really, really, really, REALLY tired of online dating, and random dates that go nowhere, and perverted, presumptuous men.  If you smoke, I don't want you.  If you want to send me a dick pic before we meet (or really, ever), I don't want you.  If you want me to guarantee I'll take off some item of clothing for you on a second date, I don't want you.  If you're boring, I don't want you.  If you are a liar, I don't want you. WHO IS LEFT?

Happy tuesday.  :-D

10 comments:

  1. When I was in the online dating pool it was always weird to me that so many guys who I'd declined or was done with would pop back up. It's weird and sad. Particularly, when you notice some of the same people on different sites. It's seriously like going to your old neighborhood bar scene. Except guys don't get that it's not in person so the same pick-up lines don't work. Not that dick picks ever do, but those guys who just say, "Hi" and expect the conversation to flow from there? Um, not really. I feel like there are the people who pretend it's a bar and just act like you're seeing each other in person and there are the people who take advantage of the "anonymity" and offer dick pics or sex right off the bat.

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    1. That seems to be very true. It's just sad. :/

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  2. I would have played that guy. First of all, I want to know its real, just to see. Like Everest, I want proof, like take a picture with your "huge" dick with today's paper, WITH THE DATE SHOWING, just so I know you are for real. But, before that I would have acted interested and got his name. Then I would have Facebook stalked him, found his mother, then asked for the dick picture. Then once he sent it, I would have sent it to her saying that her son is gross pig.

    I'm about the long term con though. I find it very satisfying.

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    1. So far I just deleted the message string. I'm sure, 100%, he'll message me again tonight. At that point I'm going to say something, though I'm not so bold as to engage in your long con. ;)

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    2. That's hilarious. But seriously, pics or it's not real.

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  3. Same here. totally been in your spot.

    11 inches. Also in your boat. Put that away. Gross.

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    1. Seriously. I am so over these ridiculous men!

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  4. This is why I'm so hesitant to do the whole online dating thing.

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    1. It's not all like that, LOL. Most people are perfectly friendly, the freaks are less common. They're just more fun to write about. ;)

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  5. Ew, ew, ew, ew. I can't say "ew" enough. G-ross. Ew.

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