I can go my own way

I know I've been MIA the last couple of weeks.  I've been reading everyone else's blogs, I just haven't been posting on mine. 

It's nice to feel good.  It's nice to feel like I'm doing a good job of taking care of myself, and striking the right balance between social time and solo time.  I spent Thanksgiving with friends and had a lovely time.  I've seen many movies.  I've watched lots of football.  My trainer asked me to speak to a group of his clients for an upcoming promotion he's doing, and to talk about my cardio workouts and how they've progressed.  He says I'm his cardio superstar.  I routinely have double the cardio time of anyone else he's working with. 

I've started planning for upcoming holiday parties, one with my old firm as the "date" of a friend, and one at my current firm.  I love having an excuse to dress up, wear sparkly jewelry and heels, and celebrate with friends and co-workers.  I'm truly looking forward to both events, one on Friday, December 7 and one on Thursday, December 13. 

I'm brainstorming on holiday shopping, but I haven't started yet.  I do it mostly all online and ship it directly to my mom's house in the Midwest so I don't have to fly with everything.  Plus, she wraps everything unless its hers and I indicate as much.  Luckily, my family is pretty small, so my shopping list is pretty short.

I have been on dates.  I am talking to different people.  I am considering my options, and I am trying to figure out where I stand.  It's not so easy, knowing where I stand in that realm.  I think I want one thing, but when presented with the opportunity for said thing, I panic.  Sometimes a little, sometimes  a lot.  Sometimes the panic makes me want to be entirely alone for an hour or a few days.  Other times the panic sparks my desire to reach out in the wrong direction.  So far I haven't committed entirely to either reaction.

Last night I went on a drive.  I don't do that nearly so often anymore; I don't have time with all of the gym visits and trainer visits and subsequent tiredness.  Honestly, I think I was leaning too heavily on the driving as escape for a long time, so now it's probably been tamped back to a more reasonable level.  It was good to wander around, doing a couple of errands, but also taking the long way, the circuitous way, to get where I was going. 

"Where you are is good. Start here. It’s imperfect and it always will be. It will be fierce and ordinary and torn and mended again. We will circle back and start once more. The goal is not some happily ever after, but a happily ever now.”

I'm pretty satisfied with fierce and ordinary.  :-)