Revenge is a dish best served in a hot little dress

I officially started working out with my trainer on August 28th.  Thusfar I've lost 13 pounds, 5 inches off my waist, and smaller amounts off my thighs and biceps.  My body is leaner, tighter and stronger than it's ever been.  I'm not done yet, but in general I feel like a badass.  People compliment my toned arms, tell me my legs look nice.  I even had one friend tell me my abs looked good, which is true, relative to where I started, LOL. 

When I used to date angry Ex, he gave me this incredible, huge complex about my body.  I wasn't in good shape when we started dating, and I got in worse shape as our relationship progressed.  He remains the scariest person I know.  I feel lucky that he has not tried to contact me since May, and I would be thrilled if it stayed that way indefinitely.  He is toxic and awful and mean and he is a mindfucker. 

But.

I can't help but think about him sometimes when I'm looking in the mirror after a workout, or taking a progress picture, or running on the treadmill at the gym.  I think about all of the work I've done, and how far I've come, and how I've done it all on my own, for me.  No quick tricks, no easy magic pills, just hard work, six days a week.  And then this little part of me wishes he could see me now.

I wish he could see what I've made of myself, and see that this is something he will never, ever have, and was never deserving of in the first place.

I'm a little selfish and evil right now.  I have these two holiday parties coming up.  Tomorrow is the party at my old firm, and I'm wearing this lovely velvet dress I've had for years, but that I recently had shortened to a more flattering length.  I have fun bronze heels to pair with it, and I've timed my most recent haircutr tomorrow so I can get a fun blowout to go with it.  Night time makeup, some pretty jewelry and I'm good to go.

Next Thursday is my current firm's party.  To that party I'm going a bit bolder.  I'm wearing a dress I've never worn in front of anyone but Artboy before.  I bought it and wore it with him one time many months ago, and I remember feeling so scandalous, so exposed.  The thing is, its not a scandalous dress.  It's shorter.  It's fitted.  It hugs in all the right places, but it's classy and pretty and lovely.  It's black with some decorative metallic work on the shoulders.  I've got some cute heels to go with it, and I'm excited to see how it feels to rock that kind of a look in the real world.

The selfish part is maybe more of a vain part.  I rarely am in pictures unless they are goofy self-shots.  When I go home to visit my family I end up in several, but the last time I was home in August I was at my heaviest weight.  I look at the pictures now and I am SO glad I have changed my lifestyle.  I can't wait to go home for Christmas and be in pictures now and see the difference.

But for now, with these parties, I want to make sure pictures are taken with my friends, with my co-workers, and yes, some solo pictures.  I want photo proof of my hard work.  I want the adult, date-less version of a fairytale evening where I get to be dressed up and feel amazing. 

Also?  In addition to my normal, ongoing workouts, I'm going to be working towards a goal of losing 4 more inches off my waist by March 1.  It's a group effort with fellow trainees of my personal trainer, and I think the competition will really motivate me even more.  If I can accomplish that goal, I'm golden!  And even if I don't "win", and only end up taking 2-3 more off my waist, I think I will be happy.

My brother's wedding is in early April.  It is pretty awesome to think that by the time of this wedding, I should be very close to my goal physical fitness level, if not there already.  People keep telling me that at this rate I'll be wearing a bikini by summer....and you know what?  I just might.  A tasteful one, though.  ;-)  I have a bit to go before that, although, I have to say...the idea, even now, isn't as horribly terrifying as it has been for years.  Progress!

Once I do get to my goal situation, I have considered one more thing...professional photographs.  Nothing smutty.  Nothing seriously scandalous.  Just a short photo session with a photographer I like and trust (to be determined, LOL) to commemorate this body I am working so hard for.  I won't have it forever, and I've spent too many years being ashamed or insecure about how I look, and I want to celebrate it once all of my hard work pays off.  I want to have those pictures to look at and appreciate what I did, and what I earned, and how damn awesome I looked as a result.  :-D

Vanity post concluded.  :-)