I still exist!

Holy hell, man.  I've never worked so hard at a job in my life as I have in the last couple of weeks, no exaggeration.  Coming in early.  Working through lunches.  Staying hours late.  Working at home.  Thinking about work when I wake up, when I go to bed, when I'm on the train, when I'm in the car.  I am HAUNTED by work lately.

I eat when I remember, and then I usually choose poorly.  I've been running around my office like a crazy person in heels entirely too much lately, and my feet hate me for it. My brain is tired, and last week I found myself falling asleep at 8:30 one night, and over the weekend I spent Sunday mostly sleeping.  The rest of the time was spent solo, mostly just vegging out at home aside from a couple of quick errands.  I was too tired to do anything else!

This week has been better in terms of my energy when I get home, even though I keep working late.  Last night I did manage to get out for a happy hour to celebrate some work victories, and tomorrow night I'm doing another happy hour for ongoing work victories.  :-)  It's really nice to reap the rewards of so much hard work by rolling out programs that we've been working on since I started this job in December.  I feel pretty awesome when I'm alert enough to remember to do so!

I've not had a single second to think about dating in the last couple of weeks, and that is A-OK.  I made a (probably/likely/definitely) unwise detour back to Artboy recently.  Our situation is no different now than it has been for a long time, but I won't lie...seeing him was just what I needed.  I have slacked WAY off in terms of taking care of myself by eating well and going to the gym with all of the work chaos, and I've not been feeling my best.  Seeing him always, always makes me feel like a million bucks, and that ego boost is a nice thing to get periodically.

I've also found myself randomly really missing Baltimore.  I started to feel like I was chasing him, and I decided I had to stop.  Subsequently, we've not talked in a couple of weeks now, and we won't talk again unless he seeks me out.  I think I miss him because, for all of our overall incompatibility, I was comfortable with him, and he sometimes provided really easy, familiar companionship.  I liked our innocent flirting and cuddling on the couch watching movies.  That remains so appealing to me, so much more than some hard work first dating thing where I have to dress up and go out all the time.  Baltimore was low key and mellow...ironically two of the traits that, because of their intensity in his personality, make us incompatible in the long run.

I don't have the motivation to put the work in for dating right now, so I won't.  I will just miss the easy comfort I had with Baltimore, and I will flirt with 24 year old friends who want to sleep with me, but never will because it's fun to flirt.  I will see Artboy if things unfold that way, be it in a month or six, and in the meantime we will continue to talk on our strange, strange wavelength most days of the week.

I will paint my nails for me.  I will make an effort with my hair some days for me.  I will wear cute work outfits because they make me feel powerful and strong, and I will enjoy and take in the fruits of all of my labor over the last several months, and I will know that I have accomplished something important and difficult and worthwhile, and that I am awesome.

:-)