Monday, August 13, 2012

I don't want to date you. Or you. Or you.

I disabled my okcupid account today.  I kid you not, every time I get an email notification from that site I feel exasperated and annoyed.  Not a good sign.  99.9% of the people I get messages from are not people I'm interested in, and I'm just SO.OVER.THIS.

I hid my profile on Plenty of Fish because it's the closest thing they have to temporarily disabling an account without fully deleting it.  Now I am unsearchable, and I updated my settings so I won't get email from them anymore either.

I'm tired of people I've turned down from one site tracking me down on the other and contacting me.  I'm REALLY tired of those people challenging me with comments like "Still not dating?" as if discovering another dating profile that's existed for months and months means I lied to them.  Bottom line?  If I don't want you on one site, I don't want  you on another.  Get over it.

I am turning downright grumpy when it comes to anything dating related.  I don't want any of these idiots chasing me around on these stupid sites.  I don't know if I want anyone.  I feel like the longer this goes on the more jaded and frustrated I get.  I just want to be left alone.  I want to hang out with my friends or hang out alone or just do whatever I want and not be bothered with any of it.

I feel like a wall is constructing itself inside of my heart, and it is just getting stronger and bigger and more insurmountable.  I feel like it's not just a matter of being burnt out on online dating, it's becoming a more encompassing issue of feeling burnt out in general towards even the ambiguous idea of relationships.  I just don't feel like there's anyone out there for me right now.  I feel like whatever I do want doesn't exist, or that I'm not ready for it, or that I just won't even want it if it comes up. 

I've never been this jaded person before, and it's alarming and sad to me all at once.  I feel like I am closing myself off more and more to even the idea of getting into another relationship, but maybe that's just how it needs to be for now.  Maybe I just really need this legitimate break from the whole effort of it, and maybe the sharp edges and prickly feelings I have about it will start to go away.



  1. That's funny (maybe not funny ha ha). I just disabled my OK Cupid account tonight, too. Just felt kind of creepy. I don't know where our normal people are or when we'll cross paths, but I'm intending to be ready for it when it happens. Clearly, that just wasn't today!

    Whatever we decide is right for us is what's right for us. As I say so many times, we do what we gotta do! You have a good head on your shoulders, young lady, and you know what you need and want and don't need and don't want.

    Also, I very much want to come to visit you! Probably can't swing it this fall, but can we look at the spring?

  2. @Tracy: It must be something in the online dating waters, as my friend at work who is also on POF hid her profile as well. I think there has been as of late a collective groan with regards to the quality of choices out there. I know for me it's more of a personal thing...I'm just not feeling it in general.

    While the feeling that I'd rather be alone right now continues to be odd to me, I figure that after so many years of relationships, a couple years off for myself isn't the end of the world. :)

  3. Bluemoon! I've missed you! Just remember: Dating is a choice; you don't HAVE to date anyone - no matter how society makes you feel. I know when I made the decision to just STOP dating and STOP looking, I felt much happier because I lifted that burden off myself (yes, people thought I was nuts but being single is soooo awesome when you embrace it!). It will happen but maybe not when you're looking (trite, I know :))

    My friend did OKCupid and is currently still dating the guy (even though she doesn't seem that into him) but she went out with a few guys who were total weirdos, too, and was very discouraged. I remember the guy (poor thing) she told me about who was a stutterer. She felt awful for him, of course, but his online pic was totally hot but in person, she couldn't understand him at all.

    Bottom line: Do what makes you happy, not what you feel like SHOULD make you happy. You seem great and it will eventually happen for you :)

  4. @Ames: Everything you said is very true, and that's the philosophy I'm working under. Right now my attitude is all wrong for dating, and I simply don't want it or need it right now. When I feel ready again I'll open myself back up to it, but for now, I'm good. My mom can just deal with her vast disappointment that I'm not even trying. ;)

  5. Guys are looking for summer flings and meaningless sex right now. At least that is my rationale about why I get creepy messages. Once old dude messaged me "Do you wash your clothes with windex? Cause I can see myself in your pants" yeah, he was like 60. Last night a guy messaged me "Want to have sex?" he didn't even have the courtesy to ask how I was doing, what an asshole!

    People always tell me to try and meet guys out in the 'real world' but isn't online dating the reality of 'real world' dating now?

  6. @Danielle: I think you may be right, and that's why I checked out for the time being, LOL. That Windex line...just wow. And the straight up sex invite is just a special kind of nervy!

    I SO hear you on the "meet guys in the real world" line. That is a huge pet peeve of mine, especially because most of the time it comes from someone happily coupled up who has obviously forgotten how hard it is to do. So easy to spout off as life wisdom when you're already paired up. I know that if I ever find someone to date for any measure of time again, I will REMEMBER how this felt, and I will never give someone that advice or "insight" again, LOL.

    Online dating, real world's all the same anymore, and the dating pool is no better on either side!