Thursday, October 6, 2011


Right now, in this moment, I want to just give up.  Oops, I did it again.  My radar for finding the most broken toy in the box did not fail me.  I've invested HOURS and HOURS with this latest individual.  I'm not exaggerating when I say that last week we spent probably 15 hours on the phone, for time periods of 2 to 5 hours at a time.  Fifteen hours.  Then we met on Friday night, and I was so happy because at long last, I found someone I clicked with intellectually and physically.

Cut to today, wednesday (technically thursday now) and he showed his crazy flag.  He's just as broken as the rest of them have been.  Maybe more so, or maybe he just showed me how screwed up he was so early that it felt more significant.  I feel so many different things right now.

I'm pissed.  Why the hell do I keep picking people like this?  What is innately wrong with me that I gravitate towards this bullshit?

I'm disappointed.  I allowed myself to get my hopes up, and they got smashed into smithereens again.

I'm sad.  Hurt.  Frustrated.  I can't believe I did this again.  I keep reminding myself that at least I found out early this time.  I saw the red flags and I'm heeding them.  At least there is growth in the midst of my own completely screwed up process.

I should have known it was too good to be true.

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