Book Update

So I finished "Joyland" and "Why We Broke Up" in about a day combined.  Once I set out to finish them I did. 

I really liked "Why We Broke Up".  It was a book I bought after hearing about it, and I purchased it in hardback because it was one of those books that just feels good.  I liked the touch of the pages, and since it was comprised of a lot of illustrations, it just fit better in the old tried and true format.  It was a sweet story and the illustrations gave it a unique twist that I really enjoyed.

"Joyland" was an entertaining read.  Nothing especially remarkable, but a good story with a bit of heart to it.

After that I read "The Silent Wife" in about two and a half days.  It was....strange.  It was one of those books where I didn't like either of the main characters, which always makes me feel a bit disconnected from the story.  I liked "Gone Girl" much better, but it was a good read nonetheless. 

I veered a bit off path after that and ended up buying, "Heartbreak for Dinner: It's Kind of a Long Story" by Annah Rondon.  She's the author of a now defunct blog, Red Means Go that I followed until it's very recent demise.  I think she's just reached that point where that blog has culminated in this book, and it's time to close one chapter and move forward.  I'm bummed because her blog always made me laugh, but I was glad to have the book to read.  It was alternately hilarious and touching, and the end left me wanting more!  She also does little drawings to go with a lot of her blog entries (and book chapters) and they are awesomely entertaining.  I highly recommend it if it's your kind of thing!

Next up:  "The Never List" by Koethi Zan.  Got a sample of it on my Kindle randomly and was hooked.  Immediately bought it and inserted it into my to be read list, right on top.  Sounds like a good psychological thriller, and I'm really thinking this will be a good one!

This concludes the Bluemoon book discussion post for today.  :-)

I'd rather be reading

I've barely read anything all summer.  For the last couple of months I've picked up and put down the same two books multiple times without ever making any real headway in either of them.  Yesterday I picked one of them up ("Why We Broke Up" by Daniel Handler) and finished it.  Last night I picked up the other ("Joyland" by Stephen King) and I made some good progress on it in my morning commute, and I look forward to reading more over lunch.

Sunday I bought two books online via Amazon:  "Heart-Shaped Box" by Joe Hill and "Locke and Key Vol. 1 Welcome to Lovecraft", also by Joe Hill.  Today on my Kindle I bought "Human Remains" by Elizabeth Haynes and "The Silent Wife" by A.S.A. Harrison.  I also ordered probably a dozen samples of other books, and this doesn't acknowledge the fact that I have two books at home waiting to be read: "The Ocean at the End of the Lane" by Neil Gaiman and "Wool Omnibus Edition" by Hugh Howey. 

I LOVE having this many books waiting to be read.  I love the options.  I love that some are Kindle books, some are real books, some have illustrations, some are short, some are long.  I want to throw myself headfirst back into reading with abandon.  I want to become so immersed in a book that I want to read it every spare second, so entranced that I lose track of time.

I've been so busy with real life things lately.  Baseball games, birthday parties, happy hours, movies, training sessions, dinner dates with girlfriends, brunches.  My calendar has been packed and it's been wonderful and I'm doing so many fun things with so many different people.  I've felt exquisitely happy in the last couple of weeks for any number of reasons, and coincidentally, I've gone on no dates in that time period.  It's just been me, my friends, my solo time, and it's been wonderful.

Last night I stayed in and made homemade macaroni and cheese.  Not good for the waistline, but good for the soul.  I have leftovers for lunch today, and I will eat them while I continue to read "Joyland".  All day long all I've thought about is books, and going home to get my books from Amazon, and what one I will read next.  It's kind of intoxicating to have so many choices!

Finally, my lunch hour is here and I get to go spend an hour somewhere else, in another world, with some awesome food to quell my hunger at the same time.  Happy tuesday, indeed.  :-)

stop the madness

Most people use the summer months as motivation to get in shape.  They envision beaches and pools and bikinis and shorts and cute dresses and think about how they should work to look their best in all of these summery things.  Me?  I look at summer and apparently I get hungry.  And lazy.  And indulgent.  And so I eat with abandon, and I slack on going to the gym, but maybe 3x a week instead of the six I used to.  And it shows!

I weighed myself this morning for the first time in MONTHS.  I'd been avoiding the scale because I knew.  I knew I'd lost ground, and I didn't want to see it in front of me.  But today I did it, and it was bad.  I've gained back all of my weight I'd lost except for 4 lbs.  Boo.  But honestly, it could have been worse. 

I surprised myself because I didn't cry about it.  I didn't immediately start berating myself over my lack of self control.  I didn't collapse into a puddle on my bathroom floor full of self-loathing and disgust.  I saw the number.  I logged the number on myfitnesspal.com, and I got in the shower.  Instead of going down the dark road, I squared my shoulders and took stock of things.

I've cut my working out down by half.  Half as many workouts each week on my own, and only one weekly session with my trainer instead of two. 

I've been eating horribly.  Not only by quantity, but by quality.  I still eat fruit, but not as often.  I still eat vegetables, but way less than before.  I've been drinking a lot less water unless it's post-workout.  My sodium and sugar intake have been off the charts.  I've indulged in fast food a lot this summer.

So yeah.  OBVIOUSLY I've gained weight back.  Obviously my skin is breaking out a little bit more again.  Obviously.  What did I expect?

There are a couple silver linings to this dark cloud of a reality check this morning.  One, in spite of the weight gain, I feel like I don't look as overweight as I did last year at this time.  I think that's because I'm still more toned than I was.  Two, I know how to fix this.  I have all the tools to make it right, to get back on track.  I'm not aimless like I was before.  So I'm going to use those tools to get back on the better road.  I'm starting today.

I had a nice bowl of Fiber One Honey Squares with skim milk for breakfast.  I have a bowl of mixed berries for a snack.  I'm going to get a salad for lunch.  I'm going to drink a TON of water today.

Also?  I'm instituting some new rules for myself. 
1) Every morning when I get into work, I'm going to drink a big glass of water before I eat or drink anything else.  It helps get my water intake off to a good start, it makes me feel a little bit fuller, and it's good for my skin!

2) I'm going to make an effort to stop distracted eating.  This morning I noticed I was just blindly shoveling cereal in while reading news online.  I caught myself and stopped.  I took the time to focus on the rest of the cereal and finished it without distraction.  Distraction while eating equals eating more without needing to. 

3) Back to walking up and down more stairs or escalators instead of just taking the free ride.  Every little bit helps!

4) Back to the gym with a goal of 6x/week again.  If I can't swing trainer more often, I just need to make sure I do the strength and toning workout on my own at home once or twice more a week at least. 

5) Sleep.  I'm going to try to get my sleep habits under control during the week.  I can't be staying up until 2am.  Not only do I end up having more hours to feel like I'm hungry when I'm not, it just leaves me feeling exhausted during the day, and gives me an excuse to skip out on the gym.  Not okay anymore!

Tonight I'm going to the store to pick up a few staples that I need when I'm doing the whole eating better thing.  This will mean more preparation the night before of breakfasts and lunches, and more planning for dinners and snacks.  I will have to stop buying the trigger foods I can't control myself with, and absolutely, positively, without fail continue to track my food intake and exercise for at least a month or so to get back on track.

I can totally do this.  I've done it before, and I know exactly why I've gained the weight back.  I know exactly how to lose it again.  Here I go again.  :-)

trust your instincts

Met the Bass Player in November 2011.  Had one date at a sports bar wherein we watched a Redskins game and ate lunch.  After the date we hugged and he told me he wanted to see me again and that he would call me.I messaged him the next day to thank him for lunch and say hi.  He never replied.  I washed my hands of him and moved forward, as that's the same weekend I met Baltimore.

Several months later, the Bass Player reappears in my inbox.  His message says something about me disappearing on him.  I point out that actually it was the opposite.  He claims to have never gotten the message. I don't believe him, but he somehow cons me into agreeing to go out again.  We make plans, which he asks to reschedule at the last minute.  My red flag radar has been going off weakly since he reappeared, but it ramped up at this point, so I kindly demur from the date.  He tells me it's my loss, and I tell him I don't deal well with big egos.  The end.

Now jump to a couple of weeks ago when the Bass Player re-surfaced AGAIN.  My radar is pinging all over the place now, but my IRL friends are encouraging me to give him a chance again.  Why?  I don't know.  But I decide to try because I'm trying to dispel the notion that I give up on people too quickly. 

So we had our lunch, it was fine, but he is BORING.  Nice guy, but no sense of humor, no dynamic personality, and while he's good looking, there's no actual chemistry.  He tells me at the end of the date he wants to see me again, I tell him I'll be out of town the next weekend, so maybe after that.  We exchange maybe 10 texts over the next few days, none of which had any content.  Never did he ask me anything about myself, or try to pin down another date.  I see him on PoF when I'm online checking my messages, I don't give a shit. 

So yesterday he texts me, "So, are you interested in perusing something with me?"  First of all, I'm pretty sure he meant pursuing, but it made me laugh.  I responded and told him that I would be up for going out again if that's what he meant.  He responds and tells me that it bothers him to see me on PoF "talking to other guys", and that if I like him, I should quit sending him mixed messages.

UMMM.  What?  I point out that we had one lunch date that lasted less than an hour, and that I'd barely heard anything from him since, so I did not imagine we were beholden to one another.  I also pointed out that really he hadn't seemed *that* interested, as he'd not made an effort to get to know me since, or to contact me much. 

He tells me he is interested, but that he thinks it's disrespectful to talk to other people when we're talking.  He then asks how I would feel if I bought him dinner and then he was talking to another girl.  I didn't answer because honestly?  One dinner?  I fully expect in online dating that the people I go out with are talking to others.  It's really kind of stupid to expect otherwise, at least after ONE date.  One lackluster date, btw.  If we'd had some insane chemistry and spent 8 hours together talking in depth and bonding, maybe.  But we had a short lunch.  We hugged goodbye.  THE END.

At this point I'm annoyed and I give him the rundown.  You blew me off the first time we went out, then when we talked months later, you told me it was my loss when I opted out of a date with you.  Now you're giving me grief about talking to other people on a dating site after one lunch date? 

He responded with some bullshit, but the main point he ended on was, "It's okay, actions speak louder than words.  I hope you find what you're looking for."

I replied, "I couldn't agree more.  Take care."

Really what I wanted to say was:  GOOD RIDDANCE YOU RIDICULOUS, DELUSIONAL, RED FLAG RIDDEN ASSHOLE.

Shame on me for ignoring my instincts with him not once, but twice.  But more importantly?  Good riddance to the ridiculous, delusional, red flag ridden asshole. 

;-)

scattered summer mind

So it turns out my focus isn't so great during the summer months.  I started a book over a month ago and have barely picked it up, so I'm not even halfway done.  It takes me a week to get through a magazine.  I've not been a prolific blogger, and I can't really say what I've been doing with my time. 

Right now the weather is gorgeous in the DC area.  Cool, breezy mornings and warm, summery evenings.  I spent Thursday-Sunday last weekend at the beach with a group of six girlfriends.  Two days at the beach, two nights at Seacrets night club, dinners, drinks, bonding, clashing, sleeping.  I've lived alone for two and a half years now, so sharing space with that many people for that long was a bit of a challenge!  I had a good time, though, got some color at the beach (and a sunburn, go figure), danced my ass off one night, and met some random POF guy from the DC area who happened to be in the area that weekend as well. 

Beyond that, it's just the same old, same old.  Trying to get back into the consistent, 5x a week gym routine instead of the slacker 3-4  days I've been doing this summer.  Trying to keep my apartment clean.  Watching summer TV.  Anticipating my trip home to Omaha for Labor Day weekend.  Sifting through the detritus of my dating pool, wondering if I'm going to be single forever.

So many of my friends are living lives full of two and three kids, husbands, houses, adult lives.  And then there's me....my biggest concerns are when I'm going to paint my nails before my next pointless date, and doing all the laundry from my beach trip.  Getting to the gym 5x a week instead of 3, forcing myself to cook occasional dinners rather than eating popcorn as a meal.  On the surface, it sounds easy and like a walk in the park, to only have to worry about myself.  But seriously?  I want to worry about someone else again.  I'm starting to get that frustrated feeling again....I have so much to give and no one to give it to, and it alternately makes me sad and makes me angry.

Sometimes I wish I could settle, but other times I'm glad I don't.  I like being alone, but I'm tired of it.  I want more, but I don't know if I can handle more.  It's a life full of contradictions.  Lately when I see couples being affectionate out in the world I find myself rolling my eyes.  People talk about love and relationships and I tune it out. One of my friends goes on a good date, or finds someone they want to be with in the early stages of a relationship, and I feel bitter and jealous.  It's not fair.

I just want football season.  I want to spend my weekends watching hours of football, making chili, going to the gym and watching more football, donning occasional hoodies, trying to get to games, tucking in to my apartment for the evening.  I need a seasonal shift I think.  I sometimes think I am in no fit state for anything else.

This post went in an entirely different direction than I expected.

Excuse me, your scars are showing

So I'm continuing along on the online dating trail for now, watching the days tick away until my self-imposed break.  I'm not talking to anyone noteworthy at the moment, and am still wondering if the Bass Player (aka the one I kindly referred to as boring) will still be interested in going out again after I get back from being out of town.  In the meantime, I spend a few minutes here and there wandering the sites, perusing the options.

Some profiles are nearly thoughtless, just throwing in the requisite amount of words to get by the dating site minions.  They put two sentences that tell you nothing and then tell you to just ask if you're interested.  Seriously?  That's fiercely lazy.  If you can't bother to put together a single thoughtful paragraph about yourself, why would I expect you to make an effort in anything else?  Unfortunately online dating does require one to sell themselves, at least a little bit.  If you're too good for that, then you're not meant for online dating.

Other profiles are so long and winding and rambling that it's hard to get through.  It's one thing to read a lengthy, well-written, humorous and charming profile.  It's another to read some person's run on thoughts.  The worst are the ranters.  The ones who rant about how fake most of the people are on the site, and how looking for anyone of substance is basically a joke.  Way to show that chip on your shoulder!  I steer way clear of those people. 

My own profile lists a couple of things, but not in a ranting way.  I tell people that I will want to meet them sooner than later, and that I'm not interested in an only online dynamic.  I ask for people who say what they mean and mean what they say, people who have their lives together and are not looking for someone to complete them, but to complement them.  I feel like that is wholly different than going on there and bitching out the entire online dating community about how everyone lies, and how everyone is broken and ridiculous.  I certainly may think those things sometimes, and write them here, but I don't put them on my profile. 

This morning I read a profile that hit me differently.  The main content was fairly non-exceptional, not spectacular writing, pretty basic information.  But at the end he was talking about what he was looking for, and he said, "Someone who will smile not frown and mostly someone who won't cheat ......"

That made me so sad for some reason. I guess I felt like that one little addendum on his profile, that closing sentence, showed me this guy's dating scars.  Clearly he's been cheated on.  And that made me sad. 

We all have our baggage.  No one gets to their 30s without having something to show for it, some past wrong, some hurt we've worked through, some way we've been betrayed.  Sometimes these things show through on people's profiles, and sometimes they come off as desperate or bitter.  Other times they just cause a little twinge of sympathy, of compassion.

It made me think also of an episode of Girls where Shoshanna and Hannah are watching that game show "Baggage" and subsequently discussing their own respective small, medium and large baggage.  I wonder what my baggage would be, and how interesting it would be if everyone had to disclose something similar on their dating profile.  Many people would lie or dodge it, that's for sure.  It's like the people in interviews who say their worst qualities are being TOO organized or TOO detail oriented [DISCLAIMER: I probably did this myself in the past, LOL.].  It's all about the spin.  But some people would tell the truth, and sometimes that would scare people off.  But maybe sometimes having it all laid out there would help.  You'd know what you're getting into.  If only truth were mandated on these sites!

For now I'm left catching glimpses of this baggage through random, unintentional moments like the one I read this morning.  At least that feels honest, which is more than I can say for a lot of the things I've encountered since beginning my online dating adventures.

This guy is probably not my match.  But I sent him a message, anyway, just to say hi.  Because the honesty matters, and it's nice, and it struck a chord.  That merits a hi today.

I went slumming and all I've got to show for it is this hickey

On Friday I went to the movies with some friends.  It was a large group, probably a dozen people.  I knew most of them, but there were a couple newbies.  I ended up seated next to one of them, and I decided quickly that I didn't like her.  Why?  She checked her phone and texted CONSTANTLY throughout the movie.  A horror movie, where the dark theater is important.  Where her huge, gigantic (I know because it's the same phone I have!) phone lit up a section of our row everytime she felt compelled to check the time, or her texts, or respond to something, or check her Facebook.

This is a huge, huge pet peeve of mine.  Why did she even come if she just wanted to go out with her phone?  Stop wasting my money and time with your rudness, please!  When I go to movies I mute my phone and it goes in my purse, where it stays, unchecked for the duration of the movie.  I can be unavailable for 2 hours.  End rant.

Saturday I had a double lined up for the day date-wise.  First up was the Bass Player, who I went out with for the first time over a year and a half ago.  He resurfaced, and because he is really cute, I said what the hell.  We met for lunch in a central location, which was still a hike for me since he lives really far out in VA.  He's still cute, no disputing that, and he's 6'3".  Hello!  Gotta love that.

Lunch was fine.  He's a nice guy.  He works full time and goes to school as well.  He's close with his family, who all live in the area.  He's a huge football fan.  He plays bass, previously in a band, but not currently, and seems great on paper.  Problem?  He just comes off blah to me.  Nice, attractive, like I *should* like him, but so far I'm not getting anything.

After lunch he asked about doing something this coming weekend, but I'll be out of town for a girls weekend, so I told him perhaps the following weekend.  He texted me yesterday to check in and say hi, and to see how my weekend had gone after our lunch.  Nice, right?

Saturday night was my first date with the Starving Artist. Not the same as Artboy!  He's 31, lives in DC, works as a waiter and bartender.  Loves to do art, has many tattoos on his arms, owns a condo and a car somehow.  We'd been talking for about a week, a ton of texting each evening.  Exchanging pics (nothing scandalous!).  We got along really well, so I was excited to meet him.  I knew he wasn't the drop dead gorgeous type, instead he was kind of rumpled and messy and adorable.  Like another artist type I know....

Saturday night we did drinks and dinner and back at my apartment after, we made out a little, and it was nice because the chemistry was pretty good.  He asked about seeing me again, and because of our conflicting schedules and me going out of town this coming weekend, we ended up hanging out again last night for a couple of hours.  More kissing ensued. 

But I realized something about the Starving Artist, in particular as I spent the second evening with him.  He was so insistent before we met that he was not a player.  That the only games he would play with me were board games (ha!).  That while he was dating around now, ultimately he wanted to find one person to date.  We had both already acknowledged with amusement that we didn't fully understand why we clicked, because we're vastly different. 

He's a self-proclaimed slacker with no goals beyond his job as a waiter/bartender.  He does art, but he doesn't try to make any money off of it.  He considers going out drinking twice a week to not be drinking very much.  He says he has no real nice clothes.  His condo is a hot mess, seriously.  I had to make a conscious effort to not look too closely or else it would have compelled me to start cleaning.  And his phone.  It was BLOWING UP and he was alternating between snatching the phone up to look at it, with the display purposefully out of my line of sight, or just checking it and telling me, "Oh, it's the crazy girl from NY", or "I don't even know who that one is from", etc. 

Meanwhile, he owns his condo and because he is an ARTIST, he draws and writes on his walls, and apparently gives others the freedom to do so.  So in addition to his own writings and drawings on there, he showed me a sequence of things that were done by two alternating girls he was dating at the same time, who were each trying to piss the other off with things they wrote on the wall.  WTF?

He was fun to kiss.  He was rumpled and cute.  He complimented my hair, my nails, my body, my whatever, over the course of the time we talked.  He had crazy, weird charm and talent.  But?

He kept saying I was slumming it with him.  That he didn't understand why we got along.  That he gave it two weeks before I realized the error of my ways.  That I am this professional, successful adult and he's just a slacker, and wtf am I doing talking to him.

And you know what?  I protested at first, I told him to stop saying things like that.  But by the time I left last night he'd convinced me.  Not only was I sure that he was a player in spite of his assertions to the contrary, and was I sure that he is a big fan of the game playing, but he'd also convinced me that he was right about the other stuff.  He is a big child.  He can't be bothered to pick up his apartment even a little before a date comes over.  He uses his walls like a diary. 

I left and he walked me to my car, which was nice.  He asked, "Should I call you before you go out of town Thursday?"  At this point I was still somehow not decided on being done with him, so I told him, "Why wouldn't we talk before that?"  He shrugged and said, "Will we?  Okay.  But probably not tomorrow."  Huh?  Games people play, I guess.

I was halfway home when I got a text from him.  "You left your little jacket here, I'm sure so you have an excuse to come back.  ;-)"

I was pissed.  I love my little short-sleeved Nike hoodie.  I responded, "Not on purpose.  Damn, I really like that hoodie."

Him:  "I'll just keep it.  It smells nice.  :-)"

Me, feeling annoyed, knowing I will probably never see this kid again:  "They still sell it, I'll just get another one.  Stupid to bring it, anyway."

Two (sort of) dates, some good kissing, some awesome flirting, some unexpected chemistry....but all I get out of it is being down a hoodie and up two super classy hickies on my neck.  Where's my cover-up???

smile like you mean it

Today I'm all fake smiles.  I don't know why.  I was going to take a selfie to send to Artboy, as we often exchange such things.  I tried, but the smile in the picture was so fake.  I feel ugly right now.  I can't work around it.  I regret the dress I wore today even though I got compliments on it.  I feel like my hair is a mess even though I got compliments on it as well.  And my skin?  Well, my skin is a legitimate disaster.  I am so crazy broken out right now.  It makes me so frustrated, and so I am chugging water, and tonight I'm going to switch out my stupid pillowcases again, and I've been religious about using my facial cleanser and treatments the last several days.  As soon as I conquer one or two, two more pop up and it's pissing me off.  I feel fiercely unattractive, and knowing that I have a supposed date on Saturday makes it worse.  I do NOT want to show up like this.  I'm working hard to try to improve the situation before that.

Last night I went home and fell asleep on the couch until almost 10pm.  I've been doing this too often lately.  I think it's all a vicious cycle.  I've been working out less, eating worse, going to sleep too late.  Ultimately I'm just not taking good care of myself, and my body is showing it both in appearance and behavior.  I have to do better.  I am old enough to know better. 

I need to drink a ton of water. I need to stop eating so much damn sugar, eat more lean meats and proteins and veggies.  I need to get better sleep.  Keep with my gym routine.  I just need to do better.  I feel better when I do better, I need to keep reminding myself.

I think the heat is also not helping this week.  My commute home is just gross.  Hot trains, hot bus stops, being soaked in sweat by the time I get home.  Not cool.  It's draining, too.  Last night I was supposed to cook myself dinner, do laundry, go to the gym.  Instead I slept.  Now all of those plans have been bumped to tonight instead and I have no choice but to just buckle down and do them.  No more stupid evening long naps.  If I fueled my body with actual food instead of carbs and sugar, I wouldn't be so tired!  Argh, I'm frustrated with myself.

This is a ranty post and I didn't really mean it to be.

Sidenote:  Tattooed Guy disappeared, essentially stomping away with his toys ages ago.  He has a chip on his shoulder about people judging him based on his appearance, and no ability to at least admit that he's made it challenging at best with all of the 50 thousand ways he's altered his body and appearance.  He was a big old victim, and it was a huge turn off.

strawberry afternoons

I entitled this post the way I did because I have a really delightful batch of strawberries waiting to become my afternoon snack, and I couldn't think of anything else.  That's sufficient, right?

I am madly obsessed with the group Ms Mr lately.  They feel very Florence + the Machine and Lana del Rey to me, and I like it.  The songs "Fantasy" and "Think of Me" are getting a lot of play on my ipod lately. I also quite randomly discovered this group called Mackintosh Braun via the wonders of Grey's Anatomy season 7 or 8, whichever one I'm currently catching up on via Hulu Plus.  One song was super catchy, so I checked out the album and kind of loved it.  "Could it Be" & "Familiar" are my current, preliminary favorites, but there are others I really like on there, too.

I had a date last Wednesday that went well enough to merit a second date, but the second date killed it.  The little bit of attraction I felt Wednesday totally disappeared by Saturday, and conversation was more challenging, and it felt off.  He didn't get the same vibe apparently, as he texted me yesterday about getting together for dinner this week, and I had to send him THE MESSAGE.  You know, the one where I delicately untangle myself from the situation without too much drama.  Hope I handled it okay, as there's just never a good way to say that.

The friend of a friend I went out with a couple of weeks ago also resurfaced this morning.  He's been in El Salvador with his family for 10 days and returns tomorrow night, so he touched base to ask me out for dinner Friday or Saturday.  Sigh.  That one's awkward.  He's a super nice guy.  I really like him.  But he's 42.  He has grown kids basically (14 & 18).  I don't think he's looking for more.  I'm not sure I want kids, but I don't want the option ruled out.  Beyond that, he smokes, which is a total dealbreaker for me, and he parties way more than I do.  I can't keep up, I don't want to have to try, and I guess ultimately I want an adult who doesn't need to be go go going 24/7.  So now I'm going to have to gently extricate myself from that, which I hope will be easy enough because he's an easygoing, happy guy and we have a lot of mutual friends.

To finish the dating subject for this post, I am talking to one more person currently, have been for a few days.  He's another artist type.  I know, I know!  But he claims he's not a tortured artist type, and he's really cute in pics, and we've been exchanging pics via text every day.  Just random, fun things and I like it.  He's flirty and fun and well spoken and interesting, and currently the plan is to meet up Saturday.  That seems fairly far away right now, but hopefully it will stick.  He wanted to meet Thursday, but I have my trainer that night, so Saturday it is.

Work has been hectic lately, including a last minute, ridiculously poorly planned thing that happened this weekend that required me to work from home for awhile on Sunday.  It's still unfolding, but I'm currently in a holding pattern waiting for my next piece of the puzzle to be sent my way. But I did get lots of thanks for handling the initial crunch on Sunday, which was nice.

Had a regular old physical yesterday morning for the first time in a couple of years.  Got bloodwork done and should get results on Thursday.  Will be interested to see my cholesterol readings and all that jazz now that I'm old.  :-)

There's some family health stuff going on right now back in Omaha, but I don't feel like getting into the details.  Needless to say it's causing some stress and anxiety amongst the family, but really all we can do is just wait and see where things go next.  It's just easier right now to focus on dating nonsense and work nonsense and catchy music.  I am seriously overtired, though, as I keep staying up too late.  Maybe tonight I will make it my goal to try to crash early.  I need to do a load of laundry, and I need to go to the gym, and I want to make dinner, but that's it.  Reasonable bedtime is doable if I get home, throw laundry in while I'm making dinner and hit the gym around 8-9.  We shall see.

I got a bunch of delicious vegetables at the grocery store this weekend, so tonight I think I may be having some of those with whatever main entree I decide upon.  Should be tasty.  :-)

That's all I know for now, so I'm going to go have some strawberries.  Strawberry afternoon, indeed.

September 2nd

So I've decided on something with regards to this whole online dating business.  I've been doing it for too long.  I recognize too many of the faces.  I've gone out on too many dates.  I am becoming a long-timer on some of these various sites, and even that is not cool. 

Subsequently, as of September 2nd I'm going to delete my accounts.  Labor Day.  I'm not saying I will never do online dating again.  I'm just saying that from the period of September 2nd until at the very least January 1, 2014, I will not participate in it anymore.  I will pull myself away from the mixed bag that is this universe.  It makes me roll my eyes and laugh out loud, but also just makes me feel really sad sometimes.  It offers shallow validation and attention when I'm feeling lonely, but it's all superficial.  It's not making my world any better.

I'm going to let the rest of the summer pass as it's going now, and I'll go out on dates if I feel like it, and I won't if I don't.  I won't change anything yet.  But when Labor Day weekend rolls around, no matter whether I've found any measure of dating success or not, I'm closing up shop for awhile.  No deactivating, no profile hiding.  Deletion all the way.

So there we have it.  I have 54 more days of online dating for lightning to strike.  Come on, world.  Bring it!