Monday, February 23, 2015

Crazy-making Days

I feel like the next month or so is going to be a really big time of change and transition for me.  It's a lot to deal with and I'm trying to methodically work through it all in my brain at a pace that I can handle.  Right now I just feel pretty overwhelmed by everything to come, and I can't help but want to solve all the problems and issues I see coming right this very second, which is hugely unrealistic!

I keep reminding myself that we're doing this gradually, that I'm not locked into anything right off the bat, that the overall benefits of this move will outweigh the challenges.  I know that BF is not Angry Ex and that I cannot expect the same outcome I had with that situation because they are two entirely different people and two entirely different relationships.

All I want to do right now is make lists.  But there are so many lists to be made that I don't know where to start, and I feel a bit unmoored right now.  In many ways I'm really excited about the change, and excited about turning his house into our house.  I'm in love with the idea of going to bed with him every night and waking up with him every morning, and I'm so thrilled that we're taking this step forward in our relationship.

No, it's not the ideal scenario, and it's not how I would have chosen it to unfold, but it's the way things are going, and we'll make the best of it, and it will be putting us in the right direction for the future.  We'll both be saving money that we can use to pay off debt or put in savings or just generally put ourselves in a better position financially for the future, which can only be a good thing!

We talked a ton this weekend, mostly at my behest, about a lot of the specifics.  I explained to BF that dealing in the specifics of everything, the logistics of it all, helps me feel more in control of a really big, looming change in my life, and he understands that.  We discussed everything from what furniture of mine would be integrated into the house (a surprisingly large amount) to what items I would likely just sell once I give up my apartment, to the things I will keep in his garage, stored until I'm either ready to commit to letting them go because I feel secure enough, or when I get motivated enough to deal with getting rid of them.  ;-)

We talked about the phases we'll be doing this in, which will start this coming weekend.  At that point I will just be bringing some miscellaneous things over, probably clothes, shoes, a new tupperware set I got recently, but had yet to open.  I may bring over a couple of the many cat beds littered around my apartment, too.

The following weekend will be the official phase 1 move in.  That will include me bringing over all of my current seasonal clothes, shoes, purses, toiletries, jewelry and accessories.  I'll be bringing all of my groceries, my laptop, all cat related items, and probably a significant selection of small items to make me feel at home before I start moving furniture in.  This will include things like framed pictures, knicknacks, candles, etc.

Once a couple weeks go by and I've settled in a bit and am feeling more comfortable, I'll likely bring over my nightstand (to replace the random table currently on my side of the bed).  I'll probably also start bringing additional belongings over at this point, including other small furniture that will fit in my car (ie end table, bookshelf, etc). and other items, including all of my framed wall art.  That will be just sort of a pick and choose phase, which will work out since I'll need to go out that way to check my mail and for other things.

After probably 6-8 weeks of living together, assuming all is going well, I will likely inform apt. management of my intent to move out.  Once I do that I'll have to get all of my belongings out, get the apartment cleaned, and then cross my fingers they fill it quickly so my financial obligation is severed.  We'll get all of my remaining items integrated into the house and I'll officially change my address on everything, and start dealing with the reality that I will be a resident of BF's small town.

It's a lot.  There's a ton to sort out on my end, and a ton to sort out together, and a lot of changes to process.  I still have to figure out the gym/trainer situation, I still have yet to try the actual commute. I still get panicky sometimes when I think about all of this, and I still feel overwhelmed and nervous. But I also feel excited, and hopeful, and a sense of anticipation over the idea of us making his home our home, and of adjusting to the gift of living together, and what that will mean for us in the big picture.

Change is scary.  It's also hard.   The struggle is real here in Bluemoon land now, but I know I will work through it.  Forgive me over the next month or so, as I'm sure I'll be dropping a lot of crazy here in this blog, but ultimately I think it will all be for the greater good.  Cross your fingers for me!  :-)


  1. Sounds like a lot, but I think its good that you'll be able to do it slowly. The commute will be hell, but I think this will be worth it! You're relationship is a good one.

    1. Definitely a lot! :-o I'm coming to terms with a lot of the things that were really freaking me out, and figuring things out logically has really helped. I do think it will be a good thing in the big picture for sure. :-)