It's a fantastic friday because every friday is fantastic...even the ones where you lose the winter hat you love during the course of your morning commute. Boo! Add it to the list of things to buy this weekend.
Thursday was a bit of a nut of a day, too. While perusing my checking account online, I noticed two $350 charges that came through Monday. I didn't recognize them, and immediately did some googling of the name that came through for the charge. Per the internets, this is some foreign company who got a hold of a bunch of valid debit card numbers SOMEHOW and is now fraudulently charging the accounts for amounts between $300-400, with some people being hit twice. Lucky me, I got the twofer!
I called my bank and got my card cancelled, and filed a claim on the two charges. They are going to give me a provisional credit in the next couple of days while they investigate and said they will follow up with me if they have any questions along the way. In the meantime I had to venture down to the nearest branch to get a temporary debit card, though they expedited the new one and it should be in my mailbox tomorrow. GOOD TIMES, I tell you!
I really have no idea how or where my debit card number was procured, but this is my first experience with anything of this kind. So far my bank has been pretty awesome about it, so that's a good start. Hopefully it will all get resolved fairly quickly and without too much hassle. Is that too much to hope for? :-)
I spent last night working out with my trainer, running a couple of errands, and then coming home to shower, blow out my hair, and pack some things to take this weekend. Each time I left the house yesterday I took some additional things to my car, and I'll take a couple trips tonight I'm sure. I'm basically bringing clothes and shoes tonight, as well as a few other miscellaneous items. Next weekend will be all the things I couldn't part with yet, like all of my jewelry, my toiletries, the coffee mugs and random kitchen items I've selected as filling gaps at BF's house, remaining cat items (beds, large food containers, dishes, etc.) and the various knicknacks that will make this feel more like home for me.
We're also going shopping tomorrow. I have a few small items I need right off the bat to make the living situation more workable for me, and BOY are they exciting... trash can for the bathroom (toilet and shower are in a separate room within the bathroom, he currently only has a trashcan in the main part of the bathroom with the sinks and tub), a drying rack for my clothes (probably needed this at my apartment, as I'm constantly drying sweaters and gym shirts on my kitchen table), a shower caddy since he just has one tiny corner shelf in there now, and an over the door towel rack for the bathroom, as he for some reason objects to my current practice of laying them across the edge of the bathtub on the weekends. ;-) I think we're also going to look at getting an over the toilet cabinet for extra storage of things like TP, his soap, etc. We need to clean out some under the sink cabinet space for my toiletries and things, and right now it's loaded with these things!
Now I need to add winter hat to the list, too! We also "get" to go to Lowe's to replace some blinds that broke in his kitchen. Lately they've been on a breaking spree, so it feels like we're there every couple of months doing this for another window. :-p
It's really interesting going through my apartment and deciding what I "need" for a month or two. Earlier in the week I spent some time going through the clothes in my bedroom weeding things out for donation. I do this fairly often, so there wasn't a ton. I had the stack set aside to deal with later. After choosing what I was going to take with me last night, I realized that there is definitely more to be donated amongst the items I was leaving behind!
One thing I really do love about moving, even though it's a huge pain, is that it's a chance to re-evaluate the things you carry with you. I always end up trashing some things, selling some things and donating a lot. I anticipate this will be no different. My goal for next week is to go through the rest of these clothes I'm leaving behind, go through my SHOES (I'm not yet bringing all my heels that are stored in their boxes), accessories and my storage unit downstairs for this trash/sell/donate checklist. I'm really looking forward to it because I know my storage unit has a LOT I will donate and it will be good to clear that stuff out right off the bat.
Anyway, this is my life right now. :-) I'm just glad that I've moved on from the existential crisis and panic associated with the actual move to obsessing over the practicalities of it. This is the kind of stuff I thrive on! We're also going to work on organizing BF's things this weekend as he makes room for my things. He will be forced to go through his closet, his drawers, and a lot of paperwork stored in my "nightstand" that is really just a low table right now. ;-) He's not excited, but I am!
I hope everyone has a really lovely Friday and an even better weekend!
Friday, February 27, 2015
Tuesday, February 24, 2015
Signs from the Universe
In the last few days since really starting to come to terms with the idea of moving to BFland, I truly feel like the universe is doing me a solid and making an effort to show me that I'm making the right decision.
Case in point:
* Metro. WMATA is a disaster lately. It's like everything was rolling along with normal wear and tear until suddenly in the last few months, it's all going to hell in a handbasket. Cracked rails from the weather are one thing, but multiple smoke incidents and reports of track fires, power outages, long delays in the tunnels are another. This past weekend had THREE smoke incidents on Metro, two which resulted in evacuations. WTF, mate? That's only speaking to the dangerous parts of Metro and not factoring in the incredibly mismanaged, overpriced system that it is at its core, and the fact that rush hour service is a joke, the trains are dirty, constantly late or delayed or closing doors before people get a chance to onboard. Escalators are broken left and right in multiple stations at a time. I am NOT enchanted by this commuting system anymore! The love affair is over, Metro!
** Fresh starts. My work bag broke last night. I've had it for several years now and loved it, but last night it finally broke. I got on Etsy and found a new one I love (I think!) and ordered it. As I was doing so, I realized this may be the last package I have sent to my apartment as opposed to BFland. A new commuting bag for a new commute? Just maybe!
*** My neighbors. Yeah, the fighty ones. I haven't heard any more arguments, but JEBUS, they are just rude and loud. Their little dog barks ALL.THE.TIME., and he's cute, but COME ON. Also, the last two nights they've had their TV on so loud that I can hear it like it's my own in my living room....when my own TV is on. I could hear the dialogue of the show they were watching. :-o Again I ask...WTF, mate?
**** Trainer. Worked out with trainer last night and we were discussing my move. The gym/trainer are the biggest kink in my plans, the problem I have yet to solve. I had a glimmer of hope last night when we discussed the possibility of him coming to train me in my office building gym over my lunch hour. Now, it's just a maybe, and I need to send him pics of the gym, and have him come for a trial day to see, and figure out if there's a chance in hell of him finding parking around here. But it's a better shot than I had before, and even if I have to knock it down from two times a week to one, at least I'll still be seeing him regularly, and that will be a huge relief to me! It would be one giant thing I've been worrying about off my list.
This week has been really good overall on the moving front. I look forward to having the ability to do laundry whenever I want without getting money on a card or worrying about neighbors abandoning their laundry in the machines. I won't have to listen to anyone else's noises through the walls, as we never hear anything at BF's. My cat will always have company, as he'll now permanently reside with BF's cat. BF's house has an elliptical machine. A spare bedroom so company can come and NOT sleep on a couch. A kitchen with enough room for two people! An awesome garden style bathtub. His and hers sinks. Two full and two half baths instead of just one! A small yard, a fantastic deck, a place to grill. A small town feel, where people all sit out on their driveways with firepits and candy for Halloween, and Christmas parades and 4th of July Fireworks and cute little junk stores in the town square.
Biggest of all? I will get to live with the person I love. Face down my fears, conquer the ghosts from my history, and make new strides in a good, healthy relationship that I have a lot of faith in. BF's daughter will get the small comfort of knowing that I'm sticking around for sure, and that her dad's house will be our house. We'll get to cook together, go to bed together, do yardwork together, sit and watch the sunset on the deck together, go on walks together, decide how to make this our place, and what changes we want to implement. This is a big step. A good step. An exciting step. :-)
I'm so grateful to the universe for all of these signs, big and small. It's good to get the push you need in the direction you ultimately want to go. :-)
Case in point:
* Metro. WMATA is a disaster lately. It's like everything was rolling along with normal wear and tear until suddenly in the last few months, it's all going to hell in a handbasket. Cracked rails from the weather are one thing, but multiple smoke incidents and reports of track fires, power outages, long delays in the tunnels are another. This past weekend had THREE smoke incidents on Metro, two which resulted in evacuations. WTF, mate? That's only speaking to the dangerous parts of Metro and not factoring in the incredibly mismanaged, overpriced system that it is at its core, and the fact that rush hour service is a joke, the trains are dirty, constantly late or delayed or closing doors before people get a chance to onboard. Escalators are broken left and right in multiple stations at a time. I am NOT enchanted by this commuting system anymore! The love affair is over, Metro!
** Fresh starts. My work bag broke last night. I've had it for several years now and loved it, but last night it finally broke. I got on Etsy and found a new one I love (I think!) and ordered it. As I was doing so, I realized this may be the last package I have sent to my apartment as opposed to BFland. A new commuting bag for a new commute? Just maybe!
*** My neighbors. Yeah, the fighty ones. I haven't heard any more arguments, but JEBUS, they are just rude and loud. Their little dog barks ALL.THE.TIME., and he's cute, but COME ON. Also, the last two nights they've had their TV on so loud that I can hear it like it's my own in my living room....when my own TV is on. I could hear the dialogue of the show they were watching. :-o Again I ask...WTF, mate?
**** Trainer. Worked out with trainer last night and we were discussing my move. The gym/trainer are the biggest kink in my plans, the problem I have yet to solve. I had a glimmer of hope last night when we discussed the possibility of him coming to train me in my office building gym over my lunch hour. Now, it's just a maybe, and I need to send him pics of the gym, and have him come for a trial day to see, and figure out if there's a chance in hell of him finding parking around here. But it's a better shot than I had before, and even if I have to knock it down from two times a week to one, at least I'll still be seeing him regularly, and that will be a huge relief to me! It would be one giant thing I've been worrying about off my list.
This week has been really good overall on the moving front. I look forward to having the ability to do laundry whenever I want without getting money on a card or worrying about neighbors abandoning their laundry in the machines. I won't have to listen to anyone else's noises through the walls, as we never hear anything at BF's. My cat will always have company, as he'll now permanently reside with BF's cat. BF's house has an elliptical machine. A spare bedroom so company can come and NOT sleep on a couch. A kitchen with enough room for two people! An awesome garden style bathtub. His and hers sinks. Two full and two half baths instead of just one! A small yard, a fantastic deck, a place to grill. A small town feel, where people all sit out on their driveways with firepits and candy for Halloween, and Christmas parades and 4th of July Fireworks and cute little junk stores in the town square.
Biggest of all? I will get to live with the person I love. Face down my fears, conquer the ghosts from my history, and make new strides in a good, healthy relationship that I have a lot of faith in. BF's daughter will get the small comfort of knowing that I'm sticking around for sure, and that her dad's house will be our house. We'll get to cook together, go to bed together, do yardwork together, sit and watch the sunset on the deck together, go on walks together, decide how to make this our place, and what changes we want to implement. This is a big step. A good step. An exciting step. :-)
I'm so grateful to the universe for all of these signs, big and small. It's good to get the push you need in the direction you ultimately want to go. :-)
Monday, February 23, 2015
Crazy-making Days
I feel like the next month or so is going to be a really big time of change and transition for me. It's a lot to deal with and I'm trying to methodically work through it all in my brain at a pace that I can handle. Right now I just feel pretty overwhelmed by everything to come, and I can't help but want to solve all the problems and issues I see coming right this very second, which is hugely unrealistic!
I keep reminding myself that we're doing this gradually, that I'm not locked into anything right off the bat, that the overall benefits of this move will outweigh the challenges. I know that BF is not Angry Ex and that I cannot expect the same outcome I had with that situation because they are two entirely different people and two entirely different relationships.
All I want to do right now is make lists. But there are so many lists to be made that I don't know where to start, and I feel a bit unmoored right now. In many ways I'm really excited about the change, and excited about turning his house into our house. I'm in love with the idea of going to bed with him every night and waking up with him every morning, and I'm so thrilled that we're taking this step forward in our relationship.
No, it's not the ideal scenario, and it's not how I would have chosen it to unfold, but it's the way things are going, and we'll make the best of it, and it will be putting us in the right direction for the future. We'll both be saving money that we can use to pay off debt or put in savings or just generally put ourselves in a better position financially for the future, which can only be a good thing!
We talked a ton this weekend, mostly at my behest, about a lot of the specifics. I explained to BF that dealing in the specifics of everything, the logistics of it all, helps me feel more in control of a really big, looming change in my life, and he understands that. We discussed everything from what furniture of mine would be integrated into the house (a surprisingly large amount) to what items I would likely just sell once I give up my apartment, to the things I will keep in his garage, stored until I'm either ready to commit to letting them go because I feel secure enough, or when I get motivated enough to deal with getting rid of them. ;-)
We talked about the phases we'll be doing this in, which will start this coming weekend. At that point I will just be bringing some miscellaneous things over, probably clothes, shoes, a new tupperware set I got recently, but had yet to open. I may bring over a couple of the many cat beds littered around my apartment, too.
The following weekend will be the official phase 1 move in. That will include me bringing over all of my current seasonal clothes, shoes, purses, toiletries, jewelry and accessories. I'll be bringing all of my groceries, my laptop, all cat related items, and probably a significant selection of small items to make me feel at home before I start moving furniture in. This will include things like framed pictures, knicknacks, candles, etc.
Once a couple weeks go by and I've settled in a bit and am feeling more comfortable, I'll likely bring over my nightstand (to replace the random table currently on my side of the bed). I'll probably also start bringing additional belongings over at this point, including other small furniture that will fit in my car (ie end table, bookshelf, etc). and other items, including all of my framed wall art. That will be just sort of a pick and choose phase, which will work out since I'll need to go out that way to check my mail and for other things.
After probably 6-8 weeks of living together, assuming all is going well, I will likely inform apt. management of my intent to move out. Once I do that I'll have to get all of my belongings out, get the apartment cleaned, and then cross my fingers they fill it quickly so my financial obligation is severed. We'll get all of my remaining items integrated into the house and I'll officially change my address on everything, and start dealing with the reality that I will be a resident of BF's small town.
;-)
It's a lot. There's a ton to sort out on my end, and a ton to sort out together, and a lot of changes to process. I still have to figure out the gym/trainer situation, I still have yet to try the actual commute. I still get panicky sometimes when I think about all of this, and I still feel overwhelmed and nervous. But I also feel excited, and hopeful, and a sense of anticipation over the idea of us making his home our home, and of adjusting to the gift of living together, and what that will mean for us in the big picture.
Change is scary. It's also hard. The struggle is real here in Bluemoon land now, but I know I will work through it. Forgive me over the next month or so, as I'm sure I'll be dropping a lot of crazy here in this blog, but ultimately I think it will all be for the greater good. Cross your fingers for me! :-)
I keep reminding myself that we're doing this gradually, that I'm not locked into anything right off the bat, that the overall benefits of this move will outweigh the challenges. I know that BF is not Angry Ex and that I cannot expect the same outcome I had with that situation because they are two entirely different people and two entirely different relationships.
All I want to do right now is make lists. But there are so many lists to be made that I don't know where to start, and I feel a bit unmoored right now. In many ways I'm really excited about the change, and excited about turning his house into our house. I'm in love with the idea of going to bed with him every night and waking up with him every morning, and I'm so thrilled that we're taking this step forward in our relationship.
No, it's not the ideal scenario, and it's not how I would have chosen it to unfold, but it's the way things are going, and we'll make the best of it, and it will be putting us in the right direction for the future. We'll both be saving money that we can use to pay off debt or put in savings or just generally put ourselves in a better position financially for the future, which can only be a good thing!
We talked a ton this weekend, mostly at my behest, about a lot of the specifics. I explained to BF that dealing in the specifics of everything, the logistics of it all, helps me feel more in control of a really big, looming change in my life, and he understands that. We discussed everything from what furniture of mine would be integrated into the house (a surprisingly large amount) to what items I would likely just sell once I give up my apartment, to the things I will keep in his garage, stored until I'm either ready to commit to letting them go because I feel secure enough, or when I get motivated enough to deal with getting rid of them. ;-)
We talked about the phases we'll be doing this in, which will start this coming weekend. At that point I will just be bringing some miscellaneous things over, probably clothes, shoes, a new tupperware set I got recently, but had yet to open. I may bring over a couple of the many cat beds littered around my apartment, too.
The following weekend will be the official phase 1 move in. That will include me bringing over all of my current seasonal clothes, shoes, purses, toiletries, jewelry and accessories. I'll be bringing all of my groceries, my laptop, all cat related items, and probably a significant selection of small items to make me feel at home before I start moving furniture in. This will include things like framed pictures, knicknacks, candles, etc.
Once a couple weeks go by and I've settled in a bit and am feeling more comfortable, I'll likely bring over my nightstand (to replace the random table currently on my side of the bed). I'll probably also start bringing additional belongings over at this point, including other small furniture that will fit in my car (ie end table, bookshelf, etc). and other items, including all of my framed wall art. That will be just sort of a pick and choose phase, which will work out since I'll need to go out that way to check my mail and for other things.
After probably 6-8 weeks of living together, assuming all is going well, I will likely inform apt. management of my intent to move out. Once I do that I'll have to get all of my belongings out, get the apartment cleaned, and then cross my fingers they fill it quickly so my financial obligation is severed. We'll get all of my remaining items integrated into the house and I'll officially change my address on everything, and start dealing with the reality that I will be a resident of BF's small town.
;-)
It's a lot. There's a ton to sort out on my end, and a ton to sort out together, and a lot of changes to process. I still have to figure out the gym/trainer situation, I still have yet to try the actual commute. I still get panicky sometimes when I think about all of this, and I still feel overwhelmed and nervous. But I also feel excited, and hopeful, and a sense of anticipation over the idea of us making his home our home, and of adjusting to the gift of living together, and what that will mean for us in the big picture.
Change is scary. It's also hard. The struggle is real here in Bluemoon land now, but I know I will work through it. Forgive me over the next month or so, as I'm sure I'll be dropping a lot of crazy here in this blog, but ultimately I think it will all be for the greater good. Cross your fingers for me! :-)
Thursday, February 19, 2015
Scrambled
My thoughts are all crazy and scrambled right now about so many different little things...CONSIDER YOURSELF WARNED!
**Now that I finished watching "The Fall" on Netflix, I think my next viewing adventure may be "Twin Peaks". Never saw it, always wanted to! Boyfriend is starting "Breaking Bad" today, as he took today and tomorrow off. I was initially jealous because a year ago we talked about watching the entirety of that together since neither of us had seen it, but now I'm not sure if I was just miffed because I thought I should be. BB is one of those shows I feel like i would probably appreciate, but there are so many seasons and I don't ANTICIPATE watching it, you know?
**I'm so tired of winter. If it's not going to snow and be pretty, I'm not interested. I had to put on warmup tights underneath my work pants today before going out to catch my bus, and my hat is seriously cramping my cute hair efforts these days. Sigh. Come on, spring!
**I am NOT looking forward to trainer tonight. I know I'll feel good after I go, but right now I just feel like going home and laying on my living room floor.
**Bought plane tickets for us to Omaha for May for my family reunion. BF will finally meet my family after nearly a year and a half of dating!
**Last night BF and I talked a lot about our future cohabitation. I was really showing my nerves, but eventually got pretty excited about it. We were talking about where my things would go at his place, the new things we would have to get, the changes we would make. After a big old "thing" last week, I realized that BF is not ready to sell his place just yet, and is really not ready to sell in order to go rent somewhere. I reminded myself of the pride of home ownership and how challenging it is to let it go when it's the first real adult thing you've done. BF's idea is that we instead live at his place (!!??!!) for awhile to a) save money to buy a future place and b) get used to living with each other. After that is deemed a success, we start seriously looking at buying a place together.
* I will keep my apt. for the time being, but once we're sure it's going well, I'll look into breaking the lease early, wherein I only have to pay on the lease until they fill the apt. My complex doesn't stay empty long, so I'm not terribly worried about that.
**This whole thing freaks me out. I've been up and down the spectrum on my feelings on this, and I've swung through the lows and the highs. I know it makes sense. I know BF will do everything he can to make this work for me since I will be the one giving up more. I believe him. But...still. It's hard. I worry about being the only one actually sacrificing. I worry about my commute (GOD, do I worry about that). I worry about being really far away from my friends, my gym, my trainer, my Drs. and Chinese delivery places and all the things I know.
I worry about feeling like a guest in HIS home, even though he says I can put my things around anywhere I want, including all of my art and knicknacks. He says he wants it to be OUR home, and that he's not worried about sharing a place with me.
I worry about never being alone. He'll have time off between when he gets home from work and when I do. He'll have time b/c I am an errands person, and I need that for a mental break sometimes, and because I still plan to belong to a gym, and get out and about. But I fear that I won't have that. He's a big homebody. Yes, it's a three story townhouse...but I worry.
Sometimes there's nothing more that I want than to come home to my own empty home, save for my cat, and dress like a slouch, and eat the diet of a 12 year old with no supervision, and watch The Bachelor on DVR before I dance around my bedroom like a fool to music only I could love at volumes only I can enjoy. I like to make silly meals and not do the dishes until the next day.
I worry that I will never feel like his place is my place, and that the loss of something that's exclusively mine will be harder than I imagine, or give me Angry Ex flashbacks to when I moved in with him and never felt at home.
I am so terrified that giving up my solo apartment will somehow result in me giving up solo Jaime, and that I will lose myself in a person again, and have to crawl back out of that hole when I realize it's an error to do that to yourself.
I'm so torn between excitement about the possibilities of a new living arrangement, our cats always being together, never having to leave him or sleep without him...while also panicking that I'll never GET to sleep without him again on a regular basis, I'll never GET to leave if he's driving me nutty.
In summary, I am ALL OVER THE PLACE.
I keep reminding myself that this is not a true, binding commitment. It will all be done in phases, where I'll have the option of my apartment for a couple/few months at first, I'll have my own space if I need it in the interim. And then once I give up the apartment, I will officially be living there, but I can move out anytime I want. No, it wouldn't be easy, but it would be doable, as I wouldn't be locked into anything. And by the time we get to the part where I would be locked in, I'd theoretically be GOOD with being locked in, because right now so much of the uncertainty is about this in between stage, this transition, this fear that I won't be able to take truly good care of myself in the ways I've been practicing for years. This insecurity that I really haven't learned, and that by doing this I'm giving something up, not gaining something.
It's hard. It's a lot. It's resonating in the weirdest ways, like me obsessing over how I don't want to have to answer "Histown'sname" when people ask me where I live. I'm an Alexandria girl. I love being an Alexandria girl. I don't want to concede defeat and have my mail go to Histown, or to change all of my information everywhere and feel like I've given in, I've lost, I'm the only one sacrificing and does that mean I'm resentful? I want to be OK with whatever choice I make. I just want to be happy and healthy and thoughtful and smart and aware.
Calgon, take me away. God, I miss those commercials. If only a good bubble bath could clear some of this fog in my head!
**Now that I finished watching "The Fall" on Netflix, I think my next viewing adventure may be "Twin Peaks". Never saw it, always wanted to! Boyfriend is starting "Breaking Bad" today, as he took today and tomorrow off. I was initially jealous because a year ago we talked about watching the entirety of that together since neither of us had seen it, but now I'm not sure if I was just miffed because I thought I should be. BB is one of those shows I feel like i would probably appreciate, but there are so many seasons and I don't ANTICIPATE watching it, you know?
**I'm so tired of winter. If it's not going to snow and be pretty, I'm not interested. I had to put on warmup tights underneath my work pants today before going out to catch my bus, and my hat is seriously cramping my cute hair efforts these days. Sigh. Come on, spring!
**I am NOT looking forward to trainer tonight. I know I'll feel good after I go, but right now I just feel like going home and laying on my living room floor.
**Bought plane tickets for us to Omaha for May for my family reunion. BF will finally meet my family after nearly a year and a half of dating!
**Last night BF and I talked a lot about our future cohabitation. I was really showing my nerves, but eventually got pretty excited about it. We were talking about where my things would go at his place, the new things we would have to get, the changes we would make. After a big old "thing" last week, I realized that BF is not ready to sell his place just yet, and is really not ready to sell in order to go rent somewhere. I reminded myself of the pride of home ownership and how challenging it is to let it go when it's the first real adult thing you've done. BF's idea is that we instead live at his place (!!??!!) for awhile to a) save money to buy a future place and b) get used to living with each other. After that is deemed a success, we start seriously looking at buying a place together.
* I will keep my apt. for the time being, but once we're sure it's going well, I'll look into breaking the lease early, wherein I only have to pay on the lease until they fill the apt. My complex doesn't stay empty long, so I'm not terribly worried about that.
**This whole thing freaks me out. I've been up and down the spectrum on my feelings on this, and I've swung through the lows and the highs. I know it makes sense. I know BF will do everything he can to make this work for me since I will be the one giving up more. I believe him. But...still. It's hard. I worry about being the only one actually sacrificing. I worry about my commute (GOD, do I worry about that). I worry about being really far away from my friends, my gym, my trainer, my Drs. and Chinese delivery places and all the things I know.
I worry about feeling like a guest in HIS home, even though he says I can put my things around anywhere I want, including all of my art and knicknacks. He says he wants it to be OUR home, and that he's not worried about sharing a place with me.
I worry about never being alone. He'll have time off between when he gets home from work and when I do. He'll have time b/c I am an errands person, and I need that for a mental break sometimes, and because I still plan to belong to a gym, and get out and about. But I fear that I won't have that. He's a big homebody. Yes, it's a three story townhouse...but I worry.
Sometimes there's nothing more that I want than to come home to my own empty home, save for my cat, and dress like a slouch, and eat the diet of a 12 year old with no supervision, and watch The Bachelor on DVR before I dance around my bedroom like a fool to music only I could love at volumes only I can enjoy. I like to make silly meals and not do the dishes until the next day.
I worry that I will never feel like his place is my place, and that the loss of something that's exclusively mine will be harder than I imagine, or give me Angry Ex flashbacks to when I moved in with him and never felt at home.
I am so terrified that giving up my solo apartment will somehow result in me giving up solo Jaime, and that I will lose myself in a person again, and have to crawl back out of that hole when I realize it's an error to do that to yourself.
I'm so torn between excitement about the possibilities of a new living arrangement, our cats always being together, never having to leave him or sleep without him...while also panicking that I'll never GET to sleep without him again on a regular basis, I'll never GET to leave if he's driving me nutty.
In summary, I am ALL OVER THE PLACE.
I keep reminding myself that this is not a true, binding commitment. It will all be done in phases, where I'll have the option of my apartment for a couple/few months at first, I'll have my own space if I need it in the interim. And then once I give up the apartment, I will officially be living there, but I can move out anytime I want. No, it wouldn't be easy, but it would be doable, as I wouldn't be locked into anything. And by the time we get to the part where I would be locked in, I'd theoretically be GOOD with being locked in, because right now so much of the uncertainty is about this in between stage, this transition, this fear that I won't be able to take truly good care of myself in the ways I've been practicing for years. This insecurity that I really haven't learned, and that by doing this I'm giving something up, not gaining something.
It's hard. It's a lot. It's resonating in the weirdest ways, like me obsessing over how I don't want to have to answer "Histown'sname" when people ask me where I live. I'm an Alexandria girl. I love being an Alexandria girl. I don't want to concede defeat and have my mail go to Histown, or to change all of my information everywhere and feel like I've given in, I've lost, I'm the only one sacrificing and does that mean I'm resentful? I want to be OK with whatever choice I make. I just want to be happy and healthy and thoughtful and smart and aware.
Calgon, take me away. God, I miss those commercials. If only a good bubble bath could clear some of this fog in my head!
Wednesday, February 18, 2015
Because now I need a happy post...
Valentine's Day! I had such a nice one. :-) It was actually just a really lovely weekend in general.
Friday night BF got to stay out my way for a few hours as he waited for his daughter to be done watching a play with her friends. We went to dinner in Old Town at a restaurant we went to once before and enjoyed. It was our solo moment of the weekend, so we enjoyed it! Afterwards we headed back to his house and just relaxed before bed.
I woke up Saturday and lounged about briefly before going downstairs. I settled into the couch with my electric throw and coffee and BF disappeared upstairs, then returned with a gorgeous bouquet of tulips in a really pretty red mason jar vase. They were two shades of pink and white, and so lovely! I was so surprised, which made it even nicer. :-) He then reappeared again with a really cute card and a little box containing a pair of sweet little earrings. He knows me so well!
It really made my day that he'd made this effort, in particular after last year, when he took me entirely too literally when I declared that I thought V-Day was mostly silly. That resulted in me not even getting a card, which was kind of a bummer LOL. So the point is that this year, I was really impressed and truly appreciated his efforts.
He also got his daughter some flowers and a card, though they were from the cat. ;-) He left them in her bedroom for her to wake up to, which was super cute! BF was quite the little V-Day spirit this weekend!
We'd originally planned to go bowling that evening, but weather was predicted to be pretty crappy. We ended up going out to a NY style pizza place for lunch, which was delicious. We then went to Target and bought Clue and Scattergories, Our afternoon was filled with board games and baking Valentine's Day cupcakes together, which was so fun! We all then got together to cook dinner, which was Buffalo Chicken Mac & Cheese with sauteed green beans...YUM! We played more Scattergories that evening at daughter's request and just hung out together most of the night. It was really nice!
Sunday was just a lazy sunday. His daughter slept in and then cleaned her bedroom, filling the in between times with her ipod and her phone and her laptop. ;-) We ate leftovers and snuck cupcakes, and BF and I caught up on The Walking Dead after she headed home. I went home shortly thereafter, and that wraps my V-Day weekend!
My flowers are still looking so lovely at home on my kitchen table. :-) They really just brighten the place up!
In other news, we got a snow day yesterday! It wasn't a ton of snow, but the timing was just right, so everything in the city pretty much closed. I lounged in bed until 9:30 or so, and spent the first part of the day watching Netflix and DVR. I finished watching "The Fall" on Netflix and it was amazing and awesome. Loved it! Hoping there will be a Season 3. In the afternoon I got bitten by the productivity bug, which my apartment benefited from!
Things I got done:
* Two loads of laundry
* Vacuuming the whole apartment
* Taking the trash out
* Cleaning all the counters, stovetop, window ledges, and things in my kitchen and bathroom
* Digging my car out from the snow
* Cleaning the evil cat litterbox
* Organizing bookshelves
* Painting my nails ;-)
* iTunes cleanup
I'm sure there are other things I got to, but those were the main events. :-) Cheers for the perfect balance of relaxation and productivity!
Friday night BF got to stay out my way for a few hours as he waited for his daughter to be done watching a play with her friends. We went to dinner in Old Town at a restaurant we went to once before and enjoyed. It was our solo moment of the weekend, so we enjoyed it! Afterwards we headed back to his house and just relaxed before bed.
I woke up Saturday and lounged about briefly before going downstairs. I settled into the couch with my electric throw and coffee and BF disappeared upstairs, then returned with a gorgeous bouquet of tulips in a really pretty red mason jar vase. They were two shades of pink and white, and so lovely! I was so surprised, which made it even nicer. :-) He then reappeared again with a really cute card and a little box containing a pair of sweet little earrings. He knows me so well!
It really made my day that he'd made this effort, in particular after last year, when he took me entirely too literally when I declared that I thought V-Day was mostly silly. That resulted in me not even getting a card, which was kind of a bummer LOL. So the point is that this year, I was really impressed and truly appreciated his efforts.
He also got his daughter some flowers and a card, though they were from the cat. ;-) He left them in her bedroom for her to wake up to, which was super cute! BF was quite the little V-Day spirit this weekend!
We'd originally planned to go bowling that evening, but weather was predicted to be pretty crappy. We ended up going out to a NY style pizza place for lunch, which was delicious. We then went to Target and bought Clue and Scattergories, Our afternoon was filled with board games and baking Valentine's Day cupcakes together, which was so fun! We all then got together to cook dinner, which was Buffalo Chicken Mac & Cheese with sauteed green beans...YUM! We played more Scattergories that evening at daughter's request and just hung out together most of the night. It was really nice!
Sunday was just a lazy sunday. His daughter slept in and then cleaned her bedroom, filling the in between times with her ipod and her phone and her laptop. ;-) We ate leftovers and snuck cupcakes, and BF and I caught up on The Walking Dead after she headed home. I went home shortly thereafter, and that wraps my V-Day weekend!
My flowers are still looking so lovely at home on my kitchen table. :-) They really just brighten the place up!
In other news, we got a snow day yesterday! It wasn't a ton of snow, but the timing was just right, so everything in the city pretty much closed. I lounged in bed until 9:30 or so, and spent the first part of the day watching Netflix and DVR. I finished watching "The Fall" on Netflix and it was amazing and awesome. Loved it! Hoping there will be a Season 3. In the afternoon I got bitten by the productivity bug, which my apartment benefited from!
Things I got done:
* Two loads of laundry
* Vacuuming the whole apartment
* Taking the trash out
* Cleaning all the counters, stovetop, window ledges, and things in my kitchen and bathroom
* Digging my car out from the snow
* Cleaning the evil cat litterbox
* Organizing bookshelves
* Painting my nails ;-)
* iTunes cleanup
I'm sure there are other things I got to, but those were the main events. :-) Cheers for the perfect balance of relaxation and productivity!
Neighbor Drama
As background, a couple with a small dog moved in to the apartment next to mine about a month ago. I've heard them arguing several times already, very loudly. The walls are pretty thin, as are the front doors, so you can hear everything, especially if it's quiet in your apartment.
So Monday night I had my night interrupted by a one sided screaming match, wherein the girl screamed bloody murder at the guy, whom I've met a couple of times via the dog. She spent HOURS accusing him of cheating on her, of talking to his family behind her back (Huh?), of buying a plane ticket to Miami without telling her. She screamed and cursed like crazy, and she sounded completely and totally off her rocker. I heard her throwing things that then broke, they sounded like glass, and pounding on things for emphasis as she yelled. All I could think of was that poor, tiny little dog, who was barking like crazy the entire time, probably out of stress.
The whole situation seriously raised my blood pressure and caused me a lot of anxiety. The guy didn't raise his voice at all even though she called him horrible names, ripped into him and his family, told him how she wished his family was dead, how much she hates them. She demanded to talk to his family on the phone, she spewed anger about how they had her blocked on FB. She told him over and over how he doesn't deserve her, how she's so much better than him, and espousing what a good person she is.
Now I don't know their situation beyond what I heard. Maybe he's a big cheater, maybe he's a horrible person. But what I do know is that she's the one who screamed at him for hours, loud enough for our whole building to hear. She's the one who threw and broke things, hit things, scared the ever loving shit out of her little dog. She's the one who called names, worked herself into a hysterical frenzy, and made me hugely anxious.
He left the apartment probably 3 times over the course of the evening with the dog, out into the falling snow, for a walk, presumably to let her cool down. These were the only quiet times. Within a minute of him getting back into the apartment I'd hear her screaming at him again.
All I could think was....why doesn't one of them just leave? Clearly that situation was not going anywhere good. They're very lucky no one called the cops on them, including me. I seriously considered it because it was scary. People are truly so terrible to each other sometimes. They say the worst things, they scream and think it's making a difference.
I guess this hits home for me because I've been in those fights before with Angry Ex, the kind where you're just screaming and shouting and there's no real cognizance of what you're saying or doing. The kind where walls get hit or things get broken, and control is an idea not a reality.
Things calmed down eventually, but it was after probably 3 hours of this off and on, with the only breaks being when he went outside with the dog.
It makes me feel so awkward every time I see the guy after these incidents. I've actually only seen the girl out and about one time. She screamed at him about her dog, but I would swear it's his as he's the only one I ever see with the dog. Surely they must know that everyone can hear their fighting?
I'm trying not to take sides or get more involved than I am because I only hear what's being said and have no back story. But honestly, cheater or not, I guess I'm impressed that the guy hasn't taken the bait. To me, based on my history, this is an accomplishment. In my relationship with Angry Ex, if I'd yelled at him like that, he would have lost his shit. He would have definitely been yelling back harder. This guy hasn't shouted at her, he hasn't gone storming out, he's not the one throwing things. I don't know how you can take someone screaming at you like that and not take the low road with them.
These new neighbors are making me really uncomfortable in general. I feel bad for that dog, and I feel bad that my anxiety is ratcheted up every time they need to have a throwdown. It makes me roll my eyes far less at the noisy upstairs neighbors because at least their noise is happy noise. They chase each other around and wrestle and laugh very loudly...which now, by comparison, is fine by me.
SUPER GLAD my lease just officially renewed TODAY. Sigh.
So Monday night I had my night interrupted by a one sided screaming match, wherein the girl screamed bloody murder at the guy, whom I've met a couple of times via the dog. She spent HOURS accusing him of cheating on her, of talking to his family behind her back (Huh?), of buying a plane ticket to Miami without telling her. She screamed and cursed like crazy, and she sounded completely and totally off her rocker. I heard her throwing things that then broke, they sounded like glass, and pounding on things for emphasis as she yelled. All I could think of was that poor, tiny little dog, who was barking like crazy the entire time, probably out of stress.
The whole situation seriously raised my blood pressure and caused me a lot of anxiety. The guy didn't raise his voice at all even though she called him horrible names, ripped into him and his family, told him how she wished his family was dead, how much she hates them. She demanded to talk to his family on the phone, she spewed anger about how they had her blocked on FB. She told him over and over how he doesn't deserve her, how she's so much better than him, and espousing what a good person she is.
Now I don't know their situation beyond what I heard. Maybe he's a big cheater, maybe he's a horrible person. But what I do know is that she's the one who screamed at him for hours, loud enough for our whole building to hear. She's the one who threw and broke things, hit things, scared the ever loving shit out of her little dog. She's the one who called names, worked herself into a hysterical frenzy, and made me hugely anxious.
He left the apartment probably 3 times over the course of the evening with the dog, out into the falling snow, for a walk, presumably to let her cool down. These were the only quiet times. Within a minute of him getting back into the apartment I'd hear her screaming at him again.
All I could think was....why doesn't one of them just leave? Clearly that situation was not going anywhere good. They're very lucky no one called the cops on them, including me. I seriously considered it because it was scary. People are truly so terrible to each other sometimes. They say the worst things, they scream and think it's making a difference.
I guess this hits home for me because I've been in those fights before with Angry Ex, the kind where you're just screaming and shouting and there's no real cognizance of what you're saying or doing. The kind where walls get hit or things get broken, and control is an idea not a reality.
Things calmed down eventually, but it was after probably 3 hours of this off and on, with the only breaks being when he went outside with the dog.
It makes me feel so awkward every time I see the guy after these incidents. I've actually only seen the girl out and about one time. She screamed at him about her dog, but I would swear it's his as he's the only one I ever see with the dog. Surely they must know that everyone can hear their fighting?
I'm trying not to take sides or get more involved than I am because I only hear what's being said and have no back story. But honestly, cheater or not, I guess I'm impressed that the guy hasn't taken the bait. To me, based on my history, this is an accomplishment. In my relationship with Angry Ex, if I'd yelled at him like that, he would have lost his shit. He would have definitely been yelling back harder. This guy hasn't shouted at her, he hasn't gone storming out, he's not the one throwing things. I don't know how you can take someone screaming at you like that and not take the low road with them.
These new neighbors are making me really uncomfortable in general. I feel bad for that dog, and I feel bad that my anxiety is ratcheted up every time they need to have a throwdown. It makes me roll my eyes far less at the noisy upstairs neighbors because at least their noise is happy noise. They chase each other around and wrestle and laugh very loudly...which now, by comparison, is fine by me.
SUPER GLAD my lease just officially renewed TODAY. Sigh.
Friday, February 13, 2015
XOXO
Happy Valentine's Day Eve to everyone! I'm not a superfan of V-Day, single or not, but I do look nice in pink and red. ;-)
I am, however, a big fan of "The Mindy Project" and I loved this week's episode. It closed with a Beyonce song I wasn't familiar with, but am now madly obsessed with, XO. I've seriously listened to it probably 50 times since Shazaming it earlier this week. LOVE.
I'm still horribly unprepared for V-Day. I have a card for BF, but have yet to find a card for his daughter. I never came up with gift ideas for them either. :-o I'm not sure if I'm just foregoing the idea or if I'm hoping for some magical last minute inspiration! All I do know is that it is brutally cold outside, so aside from CVS for an RX refill there are no errands on my list today.
I am looking forward to the weekend, though. Tonight dinner in my area of town with BF and hanging out until around 10pm when his daughter is available to be picked up. Back to his area at that point, then tomorrow is our day of V-Day fun....possibly going Glow Golfing, baking Valentine's Day cupcakes, cooking a dinner at home and likely bowling. Good times!
Sunday I want to just stay inside and hide from the possible 60mph winds they're predicting. :-o
I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!
I am, however, a big fan of "The Mindy Project" and I loved this week's episode. It closed with a Beyonce song I wasn't familiar with, but am now madly obsessed with, XO. I've seriously listened to it probably 50 times since Shazaming it earlier this week. LOVE.
I'm still horribly unprepared for V-Day. I have a card for BF, but have yet to find a card for his daughter. I never came up with gift ideas for them either. :-o I'm not sure if I'm just foregoing the idea or if I'm hoping for some magical last minute inspiration! All I do know is that it is brutally cold outside, so aside from CVS for an RX refill there are no errands on my list today.
I am looking forward to the weekend, though. Tonight dinner in my area of town with BF and hanging out until around 10pm when his daughter is available to be picked up. Back to his area at that point, then tomorrow is our day of V-Day fun....possibly going Glow Golfing, baking Valentine's Day cupcakes, cooking a dinner at home and likely bowling. Good times!
Sunday I want to just stay inside and hide from the possible 60mph winds they're predicting. :-o
I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!
Thursday, February 5, 2015
Etsy Addict
My name is Bluemoon, and I'm addicted to Etsy.
Seriously, I could spend hours on that site, and this morning I did spend an hour there. I should have been working, but I got it in my head that I wanted a new pair of earrings. Please note that I have plenty of earrings. PLENTY. But they are something I love and I feel like they can really make a plain outfit cute, or a bad hair day better inadvertently. I think some of my favorite Christmas gifts were the Etsy earrings I got!
You guys, I just bought FIVE pairs of earrings on Etsy. I am madly in love with all of them and am going to be so excited to have all this fun mail coming my way in the next couple of weeks. But seriously...five pairs of earrings. It cost me about $50, which isn't terrible, as that includes shipping for all of them. Four different sellers.
I recently purchased a rack to hold MOST of my earrings...from Etsy. ;-)
Anyway, that's my confession for the day. Please note that I already have about 5-10 pairs of earrings that do not fit on this earring holder....and now I have five more coming. :-) Ha!
The new ones I got include:
* Sterling silver cutout heart stud earrings
* A stainless steel dangle earring with swarovski hearts at the bottom
* Red Glass heart earrings on a sterling silver hooks
* Wire wrapped cat earrings
* Wire wrapped double hoop earrings in black & pink (one set)
My favorites list on Etsy is constantly evolving, and holds more earrings and a bracelet right now, too. I should probably steer clear for awhile! :-)
Seriously, I could spend hours on that site, and this morning I did spend an hour there. I should have been working, but I got it in my head that I wanted a new pair of earrings. Please note that I have plenty of earrings. PLENTY. But they are something I love and I feel like they can really make a plain outfit cute, or a bad hair day better inadvertently. I think some of my favorite Christmas gifts were the Etsy earrings I got!
You guys, I just bought FIVE pairs of earrings on Etsy. I am madly in love with all of them and am going to be so excited to have all this fun mail coming my way in the next couple of weeks. But seriously...five pairs of earrings. It cost me about $50, which isn't terrible, as that includes shipping for all of them. Four different sellers.
I recently purchased a rack to hold MOST of my earrings...from Etsy. ;-)
The new ones I got include:
* Sterling silver cutout heart stud earrings
* A stainless steel dangle earring with swarovski hearts at the bottom
* Red Glass heart earrings on a sterling silver hooks
* Wire wrapped cat earrings
* Wire wrapped double hoop earrings in black & pink (one set)
My favorites list on Etsy is constantly evolving, and holds more earrings and a bracelet right now, too. I should probably steer clear for awhile! :-)
Monday, February 2, 2015
Can I get a boost?
So as you all know from my last post, I've had a rough couple of months health wise. It started with the flu and continued on with the UTI. I've taken more antibiotics in the month of January than I had in years prior consolidated. Throw in the Tamiflu I took in early December, the various RX cough medicines, and all the OTC items my Drs. have recommended, and I'm a walking pharmacy these days.
This morning I take the final dose of my third antibiotic in less than two weeks. I feel like my body is just depleted! I've tried to do the best I could during this antibiotic streak, including the Acidophilis pills daily, the Cranberry pills, plus my usual multivitamin, Vitamin E, fish oil and Biotin pills. Last night I picked up some Vitamin B100 Complex to take to help with the stupid side effects of that antibiotic I'm apparently allergic to.
I also reached out to my acupuncturist, whom I haven't seen in a few months. I currently have an appt. scheduled for Feb. 23rd, but I'm hoping she's able to get me in sooner than that. For years she has been such an amazing resource, not only for helping me reduce the frequency and intensity of my migraines, but also for helping with other things like allergies, stress, cervical health when I was getting abnormal Paps, etc. I really strongly feel that going to see her soon would really help me find some balance, and I 100% believe that what she does can help me with my battered immune system.
My next step is to get to the gym tonight, as exercise is good for everything! Working out, however much I may dread it, always makes me feel stronger and more powerful. I could definitely use that! I plan to let my body tell me when enough is enough tonight, but tomorrow night is trainer and it's on. :-)
I'm also continuing my efforts to drink a ton of water because I know that's just good for my body in general, I'm going to make an effort to remember to utilize my humidifier at night time because it will help with my lingering cough and sinus issues, too. I'm trying!
I just wanted to see if you guys had any other suggestions on things I can do to get my body back in fully functioning order. I want to work on rebuilding my immune system, which I think has been beaten down since the flu, and just overall take really extra good care of my body right now.
I realized on Saturday morning when I weighed myself that I'd lost another 4 pounds in the wake of this last illness. Between the antibiotics and the stress my appetite has been a mess, so I wasn't hugely shocked. I guess that's one happy side effect of being sick, ha! In all seriousness, I know I need to work at eating a healthy diet, too. Eating very little isn't good for me either!
Any ideas or support on this subject would be awesome!
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