So I went back to online dating very recently. And this happened this morning.
A guy apparently messaged me this week. I didn't reply. I've had a ton of messages, I've honestly not gotten around to replying to all of them.
So this morning I get a second message from one of them. "Too cool to reply?"
I looked at his profile and realized why I hadn't responded to him. Among one of the things he was looking for was casual sex. I don't engage with people looking for casual sex because it's just not the kind of person I'm looking for right now. I explained this all to him very nicely.
What do I get in return?
It's because I am a black man. Period. I just wish you DC/NoVa white girls would be honest. I would respect you all as a group more. Good luck being 35, Avg (at best) and man less. Your white knight is never coming. All my white guy friends prefer Asian chics. I do not wish you good luck.
I wrote him back and told him that he was hilarious. That him projecting his racial bullshit onto me was sad and transparent, and that it was not my burden to carry around the giant chip on his shoulder. I reminded him that my "average" self was enough to get him to message me in the first place, and that if his friends were anything like him, regardless of being black, white, or purple, I didn't want them anyway. I waited about five minutes after sending, wanting to make sure he had time to read it, and then I blocked his bitter, racist, ridiculous ass.
This is not the first time this has happened. It really, really pisses me off when I get accused of being a racist because I'm not interested in some guy that messages me. Does the thought that I just don't want THEM specifically never cross their mind? Jesus. The egos that proliferate around here are insane sometimes.
It also saddens me that in order to feel better about himself, this guy resorted to tearing me apart. I'm the first person to tell you that I'm average. I know I'm cute way more than I'm beautiful. I don't give a shit. And yeah, I'm 35 and man less. I've been married and divorced. I've been in long term relationships. I've been there, done that and I'm not in some big damn hurry to do it again. I respect myself enough to know that I deserve better, and I will wait for that. I don't need some pompous, delusional asshole throwing my age at me like a weapon. Last time I checked, he was on the same online dating site I was, also in his thirties and single. Pot, meet kettle.
Maybe I'll be single forever. I can't pretend to know. I know there have been people who have wanted to date me over the years of my singlehood, and I know that for me, they haven't been right. I'm still here. I'm surviving just fine on my own. My world is not empty of meaning and value because I don't have someone to come home to every night. I have a job I love and that I'm awesome at. I have two cats who worship me and entertain me. I have friends and family that I love and love me back. I have a safe, happy apartment to call my own, a paid off car to drive around, and a self-worth inside of me that matters.
This average girl is doing all right.
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WOW. Holy insecurities. And these are exactly the type of people who shouldn't be allowed to date anyone - EVER. I really, really hope what he said didn't seep in even a little because that's really didic and, unnecessary and totally untrue. And to think, you didn't give that gem a chance :)
ReplyDeleteIt pinged at me a tiny bit, I won't lie. It's hard to not take words like that personally, even if I know they are coming from a place of insecurity and his own issues. But I did a good job of reminding myself of that and it took some of the sting out. :-)
DeleteObviously the guy can't take rejection. I would have loved to known what he wrote back to your message. Furthermore, if I got a message like that from a black dude I would have wrote back
ReplyDelete"Actually, I love black men, and I love nothing more than a big black dick, but you being so thirsty to blow up my inbox multiple times, and get so mad when I say I'm not interested, lets me know that you don't have a big black dick to increase your confidence, so you can move right on to the next girl, cuz size matters, BYE"
I actually had a guy (he was black too) message me a while back. On his profile he stated that he was looking for a casual hookup only. I'm not interested in that, but because he wrote me an additional time I replied that I'm not interested in casual, but thanks for the interest. He took it like a man and didn't respond, just like he should have. It was too bad to, cuz he was quite attractive.
There are a lot of little boys that shave out there.
Yeah, I was half curious what his reply would be, but I know that usually things just get meaner, and whether or not I knew he was full of shit, I didn't want to be verbally attacked anymore, you know? I chickened out!
DeleteOh my word! I think people say things behind the protection of their keyboard that they would never say in person! At least I hope so. I feel sorry for him and outraged that he spoke to you like this!
ReplyDeleteYeah, people are definitely far braver online than they are in person. I feel sorry for him, too!
DeleteInsanity! You should have said "I only date Asian men." In any case, the racial comments are total bullsh*t. Plenty of people date outside of their race (myself included), but that doesn't mean I'm going to date EVERYONE that fits my superficial criteria. And seriously, even if you chose not to date him because of his race, that's not racist. You're allowed to be attracted to whomever you want, as long as you're not obnoxious about it.
ReplyDeleteYeah, this isn't the first time I've had something similar said to me. This is, however, the first time it was followed up by a secondary level personal attack on me. People can be real assholes. :-/
DeleteWhat a loser that dude is. Clearly he is hot shit since he has enough time on his hands to write pointless, disparaging messages to single women.
ReplyDeleteCheers to being single at 35! I definitely slowed my online dating activities over the summer (1-2 dates in August, one in September) and have to say I don't miss it all. I think I needed a break from it...
Yeah, I don't know if he realizes that his responses just reflected really poorly on him, and basically exemplify why he is single!
DeleteSometimes we do need those breaks, just to regroup and focus on something else. I'm no good at bothering with dating if I'm mentally out of it!
I would have f-ing killed him. What as ass. Glad you wrote back. I HATE it when guys question as to why you didn't respond. Does it matter? It's online. Get over it.
ReplyDeleteLove the "Pot, meet kettle" line, first of all.
ReplyDeleteYou had the decency and maturity to tell this dude why you weren't interested, instead of ignoring him, like many of us do. It's so annoying that this is how he responded. This attention-seeking second message after you didn't say anything just makes him seem bitter. Unfortunately a lot of us have had bad experiences in love, but he doesn't need to take his frustration out on you!
Hopefully you'll have some happier dating stories to share soon.
Yeah, this is why I say I can't win no matter what I do. I got in trouble for not replying to him the first time, then when I do reply and kindly explain why I'm not interested, I got in trouble for that, too! There is no pleasing a scorned man, LOL.
Delete