Cowardly like the lion

If you're a coward and you know it, raise your hand!  You can't tell, but both of my hands are raised here right now.  I'm waving them in the air like I just don't care, mostly because I don't know what else to do.

FACT:  I am most desirable to those I no longer want to desire me.
FACT:  I am a sucker, a glutton for punishment, someone who is too nice for her own good.
FACT:  I threw away something with great potential for something fleeting and stupid.
FACT:  I feel like a bit of a walking disaster today.  :-)

On the upside, I had a lovely Sunday.  It was about the only good point in my weekend.  I went to Kings Dominion amusement park with a group of friends and had an amazing day outside riding scary as hell rollercoasters.  The weather wasn't too hot most of the day, it didn't rain, and it was a great escape from an otherwise lackluster and at times downright shitty holiday weekend. AND I didn't come home with a souvenir sunburn, yay!

Another realization.  My personality is obsessive only in the ways that don't benefit me.  If only I could redirect those tendencies to create a compulsion to write a novel, or update this blog everyday, or work out consistently.  Nope, I end up obsessing over material much more akin to that of a 14 year old girl:  Why isn't so and so texting me?  Is there a marathon of [insert awful tv show here] on today?  Or I fixate on three songs on an album to the point that any sane person would EXPLODE.

For the record, the album is by Foster the People entitled Torches.  My fixation songs are Helena Beat (OMG, LOVE, LOVE), Waste and Life on the Nickel.  So damn synthpoppy and catchy, they are like happy candy for my ears.  I am currently plotting a way to rationalize spending too much money on stubhub tix to their concert in DC 2 days before my birthday, and thinking of who I can con into joining me.  Obsessively.  ;-)

Did you all know it's hot as hell outside today?  I'm pretty excited to head out into it here in half an hour.  No big evening plans.  I declined an invite to a Nationals baseball game because a) it's hot b) I didn't have time to arrange a dog walker c) I'm super broke right now and d) I'm conflicted about this whole dating business.  Mother effer, what is wrong with me?

My dating gene is broken, or missing.  Methinks I got a double dose of the fall head over heels for someone and then screw it up gene, at least this time around.  Normally my defect is the standard non-variation of "fall head over heels for someone in two weeks and then get involved in a torrid long term relationship that eventually leaves you broken and emotionally bruised."  Ooh baby.

What happens when you only want the one frog's kisses, but you eff it up and that frog says "PEACE OUT" and you don't know if he'll even come back anywhere near your lily pad???  THAT, my friends, is the question of the day.

World's most random post.  I am full of random.  I feel like I just got spun in circles with a blindfold on and then released into the world with new, disoriented eyes.  Where do I go?  What do I do?

For tonight, I'm going simple.  Inevitably hot dog walk.  Likely quality time listening to my obsession songs loudly on my sound dock at home.  DVR.  Some kind of dinner, possibly necessitating a tiny grocery store trip.  And a cupcake.