Thursday, June 2, 2011

This is the way I roll, I roll

Yesterday was comprised of an awful lot of back and forth on my part.  I vacillated between pining for a boy I dated for 2 1/2 weeks and smacking myself upside the head for the aforementioned pining.  Oh what a tangled web I weave. 

I liked ArtBoy.  A lot.  A really lot.  I laughed so much every time I was with him, and he had the most random sense of humor, and he sang to me.  He sang metal songs, Coldplay songs, rap songs.  He showed me a video of himself on youtube that his friends had made, and he was moonwalking and the like in it, and it made me flush with amusement.  He was unlike anyone I'd ever dated before, and I liked it.  He was a spectacular kisser, and he has the softest hair.  Damn.

I don't want to get into the details, but the thing with Artboy went off the rails and I went from making plans with him late friday night to whatever you call probably ending things via phone Saturday afternoon.  It's my fault.  I am finally the villain in one of my own stories.  I screwed up, and even though there was no malicious intent, even though it was more a product of my own dating ignorance, the blame lays squarely in my lap.  The bitch of it all is that I really liked him.  Have I mentioned that?  And all my mistake proved to me was exactly how much I liked him, and well, that sucks when it ends immediately upon said realization.

I don't know if he's gone for good, but for now he's not here.  No more "Hiiiii" text messages each morning.  No more random picture texts a couple of times a week, usually of him in his dapper best for the day, but sometimes of his lunch.  ;-)  It's weird how attached you can get to someone in such a short period of time, and even weirder how much it stings to lose it. 

I'm functioning as if he's gone for good.  I can't handle it any other way.  I've been there, done that with the waiting around with bated breath for the boy to come back, and it's just too hard.  Even after only 2 1/2 weeks, it's too hard.  I'm pretty exhausted of people telling me "it's only been 2-3 weeks" and "better to have it happen now than later".  Yeah, maybe.  But whatever, it matters to me, and I don't care if it has been 3 days or 3 years.  When I truly like someone, I like them with my entire being, and I get attached.  It's a thing I do, for better or worse.

So the functioning.  I'm trying.  It's working well enough.  I'm going to a happy hour tonight with some girlfriends, which will be a nice break.  I'm going to a concert for a local band that I love tomorrow night with my friend, C.  Saturday or Sunday I hope to have plans with a girlfriend I've not seen in several weeks.  And Wegmans.  I'm going to Wegmans sometime this weekend.  Yes, I'm penciling in a trip to my favorite grocery store and looking forward to it.  Judge away.  ;-)

I feel like I have so much to say right now, but it also feels like it requires separate posts for clarity sake, and so this entry doesn't end up being far too long on its own.  Now it's your turn to wait with bated breath for my continued chatter.  It's hard, I know.  Try to function.  :-)


  1. Now, see, I just don't think it was your "fault." Based on what we talked about earlier this week, I just don't see it.

    At any rate, hang in there. He'll be back before know it. You only dated him a couple weeks. There are plenty of other people out there for you. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be. You're young. At least, now you know.

    Oh, not helpful? Sorry! ;)

  2. @Tracy: I appreciate the vote of confidence, LOL. Either way, I've said my piece and if he comes back, we'll see what happens, and if not, there's nothing else I can do. :)

  3. It's a little off the topic...but I really like the way you write. I always feel like I just had a face to face, in real life chat with you (IF ONLY!!) and that's a good thing. I hope you keep the blog going. I may not always comment or have anything interesting to say but I always read it and feel plugged in to my own life a little more.

  4. @alison: No worries for going off topic, esp. for a compliment, LOL. Thank you, I really appreciate that! I know that sometimes my open tendencies bite me back a bit, but I don't really know how to be any other way!

    I will def. keep the blog going for the foreseeable future, I like having this connection and this outlet! I'm really glad to hear you enjoy it and feel like it does something positive for you, too, that is awesome to hear. :)