Wednesday, June 12, 2013

all of the things we can talk about

I feel like I have so many things to catch up on, and I don't know where to begin!  Oh, all of the things we can talk about. 

Cincinnati trip was good.  Got to hang out with my friend, go to a Reds baseball game (and sit in amazing Diamond seats= handful of rows behind homeplate), go on a Duck boat tour, eat some great meals, and get an awesome behind the scenes visit to the zoo.  Got my picture taken with an eagle, petted a penguin and a porcupine, saw cheetahs and ocelots and other such cat like creatures up close and personal again.  We also had spectacular weather!

I was glad to get back because I'm ultimately a homebody, and I miss my own bed when I'm gone, and also my cats.  ;-)  I took Monday off on a whim and spent most of the day relaxing, though I also got some seasonal clothes switched out and got to the gym.  Tuesday marked my triumphant return to the office, wherein I was swamped completely with work from my two day absence.  Luckily I got everything back in order and got a ton done yesterday.

Last night I had the pleasure of attending the Of Monsters & Men concert at Merriweather Post Pavilion.  I'd seen them in a tiny venue last year, but this was a whole different thing.  Huge attendance, fantastic show, loved it.  Went with my friend, M and we had a great time.  Lucked out and got gorgeous weather after a Monday full of torrential rain and storms, and a forecast tonight and tomorrow of more rain and storms!  Love it when things work out.

On a related note, I had an epiphany last night in the parking lot of the pavilion.  What was this epiphany, you may ask?

Answer:  It is really, really alarming to see your FWB person out in the real world.  I somehow, some way managed to encounter Artboy in the parking lot of this huge venue prior to the show. I haven't seen him in almost two months. I turned around to see if my friend was still behind me and there he was.  It took me a minute to place him because I'm not used to seeing him out and about.  He came over and gave me a hug, I introduced him to my friend.  We mused about how weird it was to run into each other there, exchanged some small talk.  We ended up running into him in line to get in a few minutes later, and then once we were in our seats I somehow spotted him halfway across the venue when he got up from his seat.

It was weird.  Really, disconcertingly weird.  None of my friends had ever met him before.  For all they knew he didn't even really exist.  But now M has met him, and he's real, and it's weird. 

He IMed me a couple of times during the show about random things, but that was about it.  He'd met up with a friend (a girl) who ended up with an extra ticket at the last second.  For all I know he's dating her.  Who knows. 

I hate myself for it, but I caught myself looking over at him a few times during the show.  It made me angry to see him being a functional, social person with this girl....laughing and talking and bobbing his head to the music.  It reminded me that in his world I do not merit such things.  In his world I am relegated to visits to our respective homes, and that's pretty much it.  We went out for drinks and dinner one time this fall, but that was the first time we'd done anything in the real world in a year and a half basically. 

This situation remains my fault ultimately.  I choose to keep associating with him.  I choose to allow myself to be relegated to that role.  I don't demand anything more, not in any fashion that sticks.  I don't demand respect, so I don't get it.  It was really very disconcerting to be confronted with that in real life.  To see him with someone else and to see him behaving like a normal person.  To be reminded that he doesn't turn everyone down, he just turns me down.  If I'd had an extra concert ticket he would have had an excuse to give me in return.  He calls me his friend to keep me around, but he doesn't treat me like his friend.

I resisted the urge to IM him something snarky about it last night, and then again this morning.  What good will it do?  We accept the love (friendship, respect) we think we deserve.  When someone shows you who they are believe them.  If someone wants to be a part of your life, they'll make an effort to be in it. Don't bother reserving a space in your heart for someone who doesn't make an effort to stay.  So many wise quotes, so many things I copy down and file away because I know I should take them to heart.  So many things I have not yet fully learned to accept.

Anyway.  I know he's a jackass and I know I'm a moron for continuing to engage with him, so feel free to skip over that part in any comments.  I bring this on myself!

In better news, things with recent date guy are going well.  I'll just call him T because I am lazy and un creative today!  We were originally going to go mini golfing on Thursday, but we ended up getting ridiculous rain that night.  We shifted gears and met at a local restaurant for dinner instead.  We had a very good time and got along well again, and he definitely makes me laugh.  :-)  We are going out again on Saturday night.  Yay!  Third date always seems to be some sort of important's rare for me to find someone I can get past three dates with anymore!  Crossing fingers, as T is intelligent, funny, sarcastic, cute and interesting. 

I deserve something like that.  I deserve someone who wants to be with me.  Who makes an effort to contact me every day.  Who wants to make me laugh, and do fun things with me.  One day I will find that again!  In the meantime, so many fun things to do!  Comedy show Friday night, plans with a girlfriend for lunch and a movie Saturday afternoon, date saturday night, trainer sunday and maybe another movie.  I'm ready for my weekend again.  :-)


  1. Yikes, it had to be really really unnerving to see Artboy in public with a girl doing normal things! I'm glad you resisted the urge to contact him, nothing good would come of it.

    Date 3 sounds very promising! I agree that it's an important tipping point.

    1. Yeah, it was. He did end up contacting me, and because it doesn't matter, and because this is how I've always been with him, I told him it was disturbing to see him roaming free in the world. He was puzzled, but it changed nothing. And so it goes!

  2. Ugh, I know that feeling! I had to break myself away from my last FWB because of just such a thing. You definitely deserve a guy who's better than that!

    1. Yeah, one day I will learn and cut it off entirely. One day! I don't know why I keep him around...he doesn't really bring anything to my life. I guess I just still feel sentimentally attached to how he was during the tiny window when we dated when it was all fast and romantic and sweet. Hell and gone from where we are now, though!