Blur

So Monday was basically just a big blur for me.  I woke up with a slight migraine, but thought maybe I was just dehydrated.  I drank some water and headed into work. Migraine had progressed a bit by then, but was still manageable.  Took one of my magic pills and waited for it to work.  Instead, my headache grew exponentially as time passed.  By 9:30 I'd turned off the light in my office and was sitting in the dark.  By 10:30 a co-worker had stopped by to express concern, and closed my door when she left.  By 11:45 I was beyond done and headed home for a hellacious commute.  The light outside hurt my eyes, all the sounds hurt me.  I got home before 1pm, changed into PJs, got ice packs and got into bed. 

I woke up around 3:30 only to learn of the horrible tragedy at the Boston Marathon.  I watched coverage briefly, but it all hurt too much.  I sat in the shower, literally sat beneath the pounding hot water, for half an hour, then crawled back into bed.  I woke up again at about 8:30pm, and I finally, finally felt human again.  I made myself a sandwich and watched some TV.  I was up for about three hours before I went back to bed.  In summation, Monday was a wasted day, a painful blur, a confusing mess. 

I feel okay today.  Not spectacular, but okay.  I'm moving carefully, afraid I'm going to spark another headache somehow.  I'm drinking lots of water, I ate lunch, I'm going to have a yogurt or something soon, too.  I have my first session back with my trainer in ages it seems later tonight.  Crossing my fingers I'm good to go for that.  I need it. 

Things on the dating front are basically stalled and simultaneously thinning out.  I still haven't heard from Swoon, which I'm not sure how to feel about.  I considered texting him today, but something held me back.  He lives an hour and a half away.  Not ideal.  I guess I also just worry that it would be really easy to fall into something physical with him very quickly, and I'm not sure how I feel about that either.  Part of me thinks I should just be open to whatever it could be.  Another part of me thinks that if I replace Artboy with some other guy who I like, but who will never go anywhere, I'm just holding myself back.  Then a third part of me is wondering why he hasn't contacted me yet. 

I'm going to be that girl right now and ask....what would you do?  Reach out, or wait?  I'm kinda torn.

Speaking of Artboy, I'm being tested.  The girl he was dating broke up with him sunday night.  Argh.  Must stay strong.  It's been nearly three months since I've seen him, and while it wasn't always what I wanted, it has been good for me to stay away.  But now he's free again and I know I'm going to be forced to tell him no again.  I want to tell him no.  I think I can tell him no.  I hope.  I've got three months of moving away from him under my belt, and I don't want to toss that aside.  No lectures, please, I do know he's bad for me.  I do know he says what he needs to in order to keep a door open, and I do know that at all other times he has zero problem dropping me.  Going to see if knowing all of these things so clearly can finally make an impact on my choices.  It's just hard when I'm lonely, you know?

Anyway.  Some of the other guys I was talking to have dropped out of contention.  Some were just rubbing me the wrong way with the tone of their messages, one was flat out annoying me yesterday.  He messaged me something cutesy in the afternoon, which I didn't get until I woke up.  Told him I'd been home sleeping with a raging migraine, and he said "Maybe it's a tumor."  I was unamused.  He later told me it was just a joke from "Kindergarten Cop", but come on, really?  So stupid and thoughtless.

I'm back to feeling sort of indifferent to most of the people I'm talking to, and a bit deflated about Swoon.  Just not sure where to go with that one!  You'd think he would at least stick around until I slept with him, ha. 

I think part of my "blah" today is just medicine and pain hangover from yesterday, and having been totally swamped today as a result of a lot of projects going on and my early departure yesterday.

Yesterday I totally had a girly moment wherein I wished I had someone who would have come over to take care of me last night.  But I don't, and that's life, and I survived.  So I guess that's something.

Here's hoping for a more cheerful post next go around!