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Tuesday, December 11, 2012

P.S.: I don't want you

So on Friday night at holiday party #1, I had a great time.  I felt lovely and sparkly and pretty, and it was good to see friends old and new.  One of these friends was a co-worker I hadn't seen in many months.  Nice guy.  We talked a lot and ended up at the same table for most of the night. 

Now for the record, I'm a flirtatious person by nature.  Add in a version of me that feels extra pretty and sparkly, and I'm even more so a flirt.  So I was probably flirting with him a little, but it was all innocuous. 

Well, at some point, he started putting his hand on my back every time we walked to get food or drinks.  Umm, huh?  I started spending more time away from our table after that because I wasn't into it.  We danced in a group later on, but never just on our own, I made sure of that.

On Sunday a mutual friend texted me and told me that this guy was asking for my number, and was it okay to give it to him.  "Nope!" I replied quickly.  I thanked him for checking, and shook my head.

Can a girl seriously not just flirt with someone in a totally harmless manner without a guy misconstruing it as interest?  I was a social butterfly that evening, he was just one of the flowers I alighted upon.  AHEM, sir:  I'm not interested in you romantically.  You don't need my phone number. 

More and more, the older I get and the more I do this whole dating thing, the more I realize that so many of the stereotypes foisted upon women are things that men are just as guilty of.  In my world lately, men are the desperate ones, searching wildly for commitment and men are the over eager ones misconstruing simple flirting for interest. 

This Bluemoon does not need to fall in love with every person she flirts with.  She doesn't need to feign interest in every nice person who expresses interest.  She can dance with who she wants to dance with and go home alone and the world continues to turn, just as it did before.  :-)

12 comments:

  1. Well, you did flirt, so naturally he is going to assume you are interested. Men are like that. Put it in reverse, if a guy was doing that to you, wouldn't you assume he is interested?

    I don't think there are many men that are searching for commitment, perhaps a bedtime companion here and there! Sure, they all say they want a relationship, but I always find its with someone other than myself, they just wanted sex from me, and the next girl and the next.

    However, you can flirt and be Miss Fierce 24/7, why the hell not? Maybe the right one will catch notice.

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    1. Actually, no, LOL. I know that some people are just flirty by nature, and I don't assume everyone who flirts with me is interested in me. :p I have gfs and guy friends whose personalities are such that they just seem flirty a lot of the time, but anyone who knows them reasonably well knows not to put too much stake in it.

      I wasn't over the top flirting with him, btw. Just joking around, smiling lots because I was happy to be there. :)

      As far as the commitment issue, I'm not joking when I say that I know many, many guy friends and even guys I've gone on dates with who are seriously looking to settle down. It's like they hit mid 30s and panic ensues. Maybe I've found a strange little niche of guys lately? LOL.

      But you're right, regardless of who misinterpreted what, I can flirt with who I want and if I'm flirting because I mean it THEY WILL KNOW IT. ;)

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    2. Maybe its because I live in a beach party city, none of the guys here want to settle down, regardless of age :/

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    3. Hmm, maybe! I've been really surprised by how many of my guy friends have fallen into this trap in the last year or so. They are all latching onto the first person to come along and trying to get engaged and buy houses and build an instant long term relationship. A handful have made comments about how they're not getting any younger... :/

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  2. Oh man, I hate it when guys get prematurely touchy feely. I had a guy do that once except it was so far low on my back, it was my ass.

    An there's nothing wrong with innocent flirting. It doesn't have to go somewhere. Heck I flirt with my male friends and some of them I've known since childhood!

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    1. Yeah, not cool! And I'm with you on the flirting, it's just part of my personality. It's not over the top, it's not inappropriate, it's just how I roll. :)

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  3. This is why I try to not flirt at all because if I so much as smile at a guy, he'll assume I'm interested. I mean it sucks for the people I'm not interested in but if I'm interested in you, believe me, you'll know it. And yeah, the premature touching, as ash so eloquently puts it, is weird. Like even if you are interested, lets just take it easy, dude. haha damned if they do, damned if they don't. this is what happens when you wreak of self confidence now! :)

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    1. Silly men, misconstruing innocent flirting! ;) And EXACTLY...my casual flirting is so not the same as my tried and true flirting.

      What you said about the self confidence is so true, though...I think the "problem" friday night was that I was feeling so good, I felt like I looked good, and I radiated that kind of awesomeness, LOL. :p

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    2. It's like when you start dating someone new and then you go out with friends and all of a sudden it seems like you're being hit on left and right. It's because you feel so awesome about yourself (my theory, anyway).

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  4. You're right - there are men out there who are looking for a relationship. While it's absolutely wonderful for you to flirt and smile and be happy - I think it's ok to cut him a *little* slack here. Many women would have reacted exactly the same way as he did if the shoe had been on the other foot. Some people are just desperately looking for some sort of permanence. Or maybe no one is ever that flirtatious with him so he doesn't know what casual flirting looks like. You did the right thing by telling your friend not to give him your number though, a less kind person would have played with his head just for an ego boost.

    I am glad you had such a wonderful time at your party though! I love feeling all pretty and sparkly around fun people :-D

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    1. He can have all the slack he wants, he's just not getting my number. :p

      The party was a great time, I'm looking forward to the next one tomorrow! :D

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