of desired kisses and thoughts that won't sink

"Cause all I think about is why
The skin I'm in feels ordinary
The things that you might like
Don't grow inside of me"
-Skin Graph by Silversun Pickups

I had a date tonight.  I liked him.  A lot.  He was 100x cuter in person.  Gorgeous smile.  Instant attraction.

How much do we want to bet that I don't hear from him again?

This, my dears, is my fate.  I go out on 20 dates and don't spark with anyone, but they almost always want to see me again.  Then I go out on one more date, one I actually ponder bailing on because I am feeling so jaded and annoyed.  I even grumble as I walk to our meeting spot, wondering why he couldn't suggest something closer to the Metro.

Then I went in and we drank water and talked, at a bar, LOL.  And he made me play a game of pool, and let me tell you, I am worse than awful.  It was shameful.  He wasn't much good either, but as he told me, he would take his shallow ego boosts where he could get them.  ;-)

Damn, damn, double damn.  I have a bad feeling about this.  I really liked him.  I want to see him again.  Thusly, I will probably never hear from him again.  I think I was actually more nervous on this date than him.  I don't recall the last time that happened.  Mutual nerves, sure.  Other side nerves, me calm, yup.  Me increasingly self-aware as the date progressed, me over analyzing every word and gesture 30 seconds after we hugged goodbye and parted ways?  So not a comfortable position to be in.

I looked good.  I felt good.  We laughed.  We talked.  But why do I have this unsinkable feeling he will now drop out of my world?  I've gotten used to chatting with him everyday.  Now that we've finally met, I could let down some of the barriers, which just means flirting more without fear of flirting with someone I'm not actually attracted to.

I would like to kiss this man.  Yup.  More importantly, I would like to sink these thoughts in my head.  Sink, doomsday bluemoon thoughts, sink.