Friday, May 4, 2012

Soliciting Opinions

So the date happened last night.  I'm too lazy to think up a clever nickname, so we shall call him JD because those are his initials and its easy.

I'll do a full recap later, but for now, a question that he asked me.  This guy is 42 years old to my 34 (basically, I turn 34 in late June).  He's never been married, nor engaged.  He's lived with a girlfriend before, but it was a long time ago in college.  He's had relationships that last around 2 years.

He asked me during the course of our conversation last night if the fact that he hadn't been married at that age was a red flag.

I told him my honest opinion, which is that it depends on the circumstances, but in general, no.  He's had relationships that lasted a couple of years, he had the opportunity to get married, but didn't ultimately feel those people were the right fit.  I don't see that as a red flag.

Other people are more skeptical and do see that as more of a red flag.

What say you?

Forgive my lack of enthusiasm and blah demeanor.  I woke up with a migraine and took one of my magic pills.  Headache is gone, but my brain is very fuzzy, and my body feels very heavy and weary.  I'm still in here, just need a bit for this to wear off!

Anyway, opinions asked for and appreciated!


  1. I've had a headache all day, too. I wonder if it's the weather.

    Anyway, I was waiting to see your post on how it all went so once you're feeling up to it, inquiring minds want to know :) My feeling on red flags is they've kept me from dating - a lot. Everything was a red flag to me (even though it really probably wasn't). As long as you're not getting a horribly, overwhelming feeling like something is very, very wrong with this guy, I think it's worth exploring a little more. There are a lot of reasons to be single at 42 - some of which may have been out of his control ie. I wonder if he's really career-minded and he wanted to get that established for himself first and then, before he knew it, he was in his forties. Or he dated someone awhile he thought would turn into marriage and they broke up. It could be a number of things or maybe nothing at all. I think it's well within your rights, once you get to know him a little better (assuming you want to), to dig a little deeper and see why some of these relationships ended. Some people don't want to know but I'm not one of those people. I like to know if there's a history of cheating, non-committal patterns and or insecurities I should know about. If there's a major red flag, you'll know sooner rather than later, I think.

    I have found for myself, when I go looking for red flags, I find them. And we all have "red flags" about ourselves and I would be sad if someone over-looked me based on some of those because at the end of the day, I know I'm a good, loving person. Hopefully he's the same. Obviously he's cognizant of it since he asked about it and, if you haven't already, maybe you could sorta just be like, "so I was curious about the red flag thing. Why do you bring that up? Has this been an issue in the past and do YOU think it's a red flag?"

    Looking forward to hearing some more details! I hope it went well and I hope you feel better.

  2. I agree, Ames, and that's how I'm proceeding. I honestly didn't see it as a red flag with this guy in particular, though I can see it being one with someone differently situated. His circumstances job wise and beyond make it understandable, so it doesn't bother me. I had a moment of doubt later on because others suggested it *should* be a red flag, but I know ultimately I need to trust my instincts.

    I think sometimes the nice thing about posting something like this and getting such strong responses is that it helped me figure out for sure where I stand, which is that this is NOT a red flag for this guy, LOL. Go figure!