Wednesday, May 2, 2012

I need an internet smack

Someone please, please smack the shallow out of me.  Please. 

I have a date tomorrow with the new guy, and I so do NOT want to sabotage this over something stupid racing around in my head.  Right now, he seems:  well spoken.  intelligent.  funny.  flirtatious, but in an appropriate way.  close to his family.  interested in learning more about me each time we speak.  polite.  thoughtful.  compassionate.  inquisitive.  honest.  I don't know if this is truly how he is, but it's all I have to work off right now, and it's all good.

I am so tired of hearing myself bitch about someone wearing a hat all the time, or how short they are, or how dorky, or anything else of the sort.  I need to remember that, while I think I am quite awesome, much of my awesome derives from an internal source, and I may not be everyone's cup of tea appearance wise.  I would hope that someone would give me some room to grow on them even if at first I didn't strike their fancy, so I must, must reciprocate that which I would like to have. 

I also need to remind myself that everyone I've ever loved has become more and more attractive to me the more I know them.  Someone who may have been blah to the rest of the world was the sexiest thing ever to me, and I never knew any different, or cared.  And on the contrary, people whom I've known and initially thought were incredibly attractive have gotten progressively less so as I've seen the dark side to their personalities, or learned how selfish or mean or negative they are.  It is all relative.

It is time for me to grow up and recognize that having a true intellectual and emotional connection with someone who is respectful, smart, funny and kind is 1000x more important than a few cheap laughs and flirtation with someone I'm instantly smitten by, but who treats me like a sidenote, an afterthought, or just as less than I deserve.

I don't remember the last time I was this anxious about a date.  I had half a thought to just not mention it until after it was over, to avoid building it up even more, but I can't help myself.  Trying to get the crazy out in advance so that maybe I will be less troubled by it tomorrow night. 

Oh, I wear myself out.  Do you ever wish you could turn off your brain just to have a breather for a bit? 


  1. Blue, you're my hero. I wish i were open-minded enough to date but I'm guilty of all the same things you mentioned so i would probably blow it before it even began.

    Have. Fun.

    Just see what hes all about and remember you have so much to offer and he is the lucky one (hopefully and vice versa too). Try and keep an open mind and wait until a few dates to make up your mind about anything (if you're able to get that far). Nothing from your prior relationships matter; this is a clean slate.

    Good luck from someone who is dating challenged and report back if you can :)

  2. Thank you for that! I am trying to take all of this sage advice to keep in mind tomorrow night. :)

    I will definitely report back!

  3. I was also trying to post this last night but my stupid iPad wouldn't let me: I would try hard not to compare him to anyone - no exes, no one. I have definitely been really guilty of this in the past and it can be really insidious. Completely different guy; completely different ball o' wax.

  4. @ames: Good advice. Insidious describes a lot of the ways my mind works...sometimes I think I am my own biggest enemy!