Thursday, February 16, 2012

Send the pain below

Oh, what a week.  What a month, really.  I have been an emotional basketcase.  I’ve plumbed the depths of intense sadness and also laughed so hard I’ve cried.  Admittedly, the scales have tipped dangerously heavy on the sadness side.  I’m working on balancing it out.

I’m trying to refocus, pull myself out of my slump and get involved in my life again.  Sitting at home with my animals watching 12 hours of DVR isn’t going to move me forward.  I need to jump start things again, and remind myself that not everyone in my world is unreliable and disappointing.  Beyond that, I need to hang out with some girlfriends and remember that those friendships have some serious value in my man-laden world.  Balance, again.

The next few days are the busiest I’ve had in awhile, at least in terms of social occasions.  Sure, I’ve spent lots of time aimlessly driving and/or running errands solo, but that does not count.  Let’s examine my social calendar for the next four days:

Thursday: This evening I have a happy hour with my former supervisor at work, and hopefully another old co-worker will join.  It will be really good to catch up!  In the meantime, I am weirdly excited for my lunch of softshell chicken tacos I brought from home, LOL.

Friday:  I have tentative dinner/drinks plans with a gentleman we will nickname Captain for now, as he has a boat and it is one of his main hobbies.  He is supposed to let me know his vote for where we will be going this afternoon. 

Saturday: I have plans to meet another gentleman whom we shall call Mr. Mom because he has a daughter he is quite beholden to, in a very sweet way.  He is going out of town in a couple of weeks to see her compete in a cheerleading competition.  We are meeting for coffee and chat at a nearby Barnes & Noble.  That afternoon I also need to run a couple of riveting errands…pet store and drycleaners.  Rock on.

Saturday evening: I just made plans to do dinner with a girlfriend of mine whom I haven’t seen in awhile. I’m looking forward to catching up and having a drink while I dine on some delicious fish!

Sunday: I have plans in the afternoon to get together with another girlfriend I’ve not seen in awhile.  I believe our plan includes a meal and a movie.  Hopefully the potential snow they are talking about will not cramp any plans.  Crossing fingers!

So that is my weekend.  Quite busy in my books!  I’m excited for all of it, though.  I’m also pleased to note that there are no ex-anythings as company for any of my events.  I am worn out on relying on ex-husbands, ex-boyfriends and even ex-people I’ve gone on 1-3 dates with as activity partners.  If all goes as planned, I hope to end up Sunday evening with a whole weekend full of things that were booked and undertaken successfully.  That will be something!

Other miscellaneous goals for the coming four days, just because I like having a plan instead of flailing about so uselessly:  Read.  I’m in the middle of two books right now, and it would be nice to make some progress on one or both.  My attention span has been lacking lately, so I’ve barely even cracked the books open.  Write.  God, do I want to write.  It would be such a relief to just get something started! Exercise.  I need to work out.  Desperately.  I also think I want to try some yoga again.  I need something to wind down with.

So I officially have a weekend full of goals and plans and ambition.  Sure, there will be some laziness, some DVR watching, some indulgence in non-productive things.  But I’m a hell of a lot better off than I was last weekend, that’s for sure.  After Friday night was over, I was a gloomy, doomy pit of self-pity and depression and lethargy.  I was overstressed, overtired, and bent out of shape every which way.  I want this weekend to be the very antithesis of the bulk of last weekend.

I do hope that I manage to repeat one thing from last weekend, though---the laughter and escape and awesome feeling I had Friday night.  I felt spectacular, I loosened up, I stopped thinking so much, and it was exactly what I needed.  THAT, I would like to visit again, even if it will surely come about in a different fashion.  No ill-advised company on the books this weekend (though, admittedly, he is never on the books officially, he is always a last minute revision).  This weekend’s only male company comes in the form of more participants in my endless line of first dates because….well, if hope doesn’t spring eternal, I’m screwed.  ;-)

Cheers to trying again, trying always.  :-)

1 comment:

  1. I think you sound positive about these changes! Good for you!