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Wednesday, January 21, 2015

co(habit)

So the idea of cohabitation has been thrown into our universe as a couple.  As you surely know if you've read along, the logistics aren't ideal since I live right outside DC and he lives an hour away from it.  I work in DC, so my commute is a big factor in anyplace I decide to live.  

We seriously started talking about it around our anniversary.  We want to live together, but the trouble is the reality of it all.  So after a lot of discussion, we decided upon the following plan of action:

Over the course of the next month or two, I will stay out at BF's place randomly on work nights to check out the various commuting options.  Subsequently, I will spend an upcoming month living exclusively with BF at his house.  The commute will suck.  No denial there.  But we are both cautious, and we both have things to lose, so we want to be sure.  We want to see how living together for a full month goes. We expect it will be fine, but we both agree we'll feel better if we have a trial under our belts.  

BF has a house that he owns to deal with.  I have less in terms of material things to lose, but I love my apartment and I do NOT want to give it up like I did with my condo before when I moved in with Angry Ex, and it was a huge failure.

I do realize that obviously a month isn't a full picture.  Honestly, though-we could do this for six months or even a year and not encounter every unknown.  We just want a real block of time, with work days and commuting and household chores and downtime that's not spent together to see how we fare.  If it goes well, as we expect, then it's onward and upward.

At that point we'll start really looking into finding a rental place to live in.  We don't want to automatically buy right away because we're not 100% positive where we want to be, and again, I want more stability before I take that step, as does he.  The goal would be to hopefully have his house situation resolved (sold or rented) by the fall or thereabouts, with us living together somewhere in the middle of our two areas at that time.

Yes, it's inconvenient, and more to me than him (the trial period).  But realistically, it's our only option.  I have a one bedroom, one bath apartment.  He has his daughter most weekends, plus a houseful of furniture and we have two cats between us.  My place isn't a real option for this step.  So I'll suck it up and deal with the crappy commute for a month, with the bigger picture in mind.  

Luckily BF has been fantastic about it, knowing it's going to be harder for me.  He's offered various things, including changing his work hours so our commutes match up better, taking me and picking me up from park & ride, etc.  He is open to anything and I 100% believe that he'll do his best to make the time period as easy as he can.  

Moreover, I'm excited about this.  :-) I know it isn't ideal and it's not how I would have chosen to do this, and it's going to take a lot of time to get where we want to be...but it's a step.  And it's a step that's in our universe now, and it's something we talk about routinely, and the idea of seeing him first thing every morning and last thing every night...love it.

So that's the update on that!  I'm sure I'll talk about it a lot more in coming months, but I wanted to lay out the initial information first.  :-)


8 comments:

  1. You should be excited! It's a big step! I'm excited FOR you guys! It seems like you're approaching this thoughtfully and logically and I have a feeling that it's all going to work out just fine. :)

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    1. Thank you! I think you're probably right, but I definitely want to take our time with this. I want to do things right this time around. :-)

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  2. You guys are so mature and rational - I would love to take a leaf out of your book! I'm so happy for you, and it sounds like you clearly have an idea of how to compromise, it's as A says, very thoughtful! You're the online dating poster couple, it's so lovely!!! At least you're also doing it gradually as well, I never thought of it before, but it sounds like a smart thing to do, as I've done what you've done with Angry ex, move in and give up my apartment and then after about 2-3 weeks living together, it fell apart. Sounds great!!! I can't wait to hear more!

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    1. It's something new I'm trying. :-p Seriously, though, I've rushed into these things before and paid for that impulsivity. It may not be the sexy, glam way to do this, but it's what feels best.

      I definitely think the gradual course is going to be beneficial. I've had a couple naysayers IRL question the "trial" terminology I've used, saying that it sounds like I'm testing my relationship. Well....aren't I, though? I don't think it's a bad thing, and I have confidence we'll be fine. But if we can't live together, we shouldn't be in a relationship anymore, you know?

      It's going to be an interesting path, that much is sure! :-)

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  3. The boy and I are talking about this too...the issue with us is he has to be close to DC for work, however I own a house with a very inexpensive mortgage! I can work from home or go into the office 2 or 3 days a week if needed. We want to save for a house and the best way to do that is for him to live with me...but the train commute everyday could be pretty awful. I said he should try living with me for a week or two to see how his commute is. It's a lot to think about! Good luck with your commute!!!

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    1. That sounds very much like our situation, but in reverse! He owns the place with the space and the inexpensive mortgage, but I need to be close to DC for work. Honestly, he pays just 100 bux more a month for a three story, 3 BR, 3 BA house with a deck and a yard than I do for a 600 sq. ft. 1 BR, 1 BA apartment. :-o

      He can work from home every other monday and on bad weather days, I can't at all. I totally sympathize with the awful commute he'll have. He should go my path and give it a try and just see how bad it is in real life, LOL. I want to have the real experience under my belt before I judge too harshly.

      Thanks for the luck, I'll gladly take it! :-) Good luck to you guys in your situation as well!

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  4. A big step indeed, but I think you guys are pretty damn good together. Plus if you are park and ride, book reading time! Even though the commute would be annoying as all hell.

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    1. Yeah, I told him I'd be even more well read if I do this. :-) But yes, the commute will be awful regardless. Sigh.

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