Update: You Be the Judge

I wanted to post an update regarding my recent post about BF's ex who keeps popping up.

We talked more about it this weekend and I got more information.  This included the following:

At some point in recent months, I'm not sure exactly when, BF removed Ex from his close/friends and family group on FB and put her in the periphery group, meaning that she can basically see nothing on his wall and hasn't been able to for months.  She has tagged him in things a couple of times in recent months and he's not acknowledged it by liking it or replying.

Ex sent daughter a Halloween card with a giftcard in it in the fall.  Daughter was not interested.  They didn't acknowledge the gift in any fashion, so a few weeks later Ex texted BF to ask if they got it in light of the gift card.  He never replied.

When BF picked daughter up on Friday, he told her about the gift and the details of it (being dropped off with no notice, no knock when we were home).  She also thought it was weird.  She legit left on Saturday evening and never even touched it.  The gift bag remained by the front door, the card unopened, the gifts untouched.  Ha!

I asked BF if he was going to make her send a Thank you note or anything and he said no, they were just going to ignore it.

So...it's not a direct way of dealing with it.  He hasn't formally booted her on FB or told her to stop or talked to her about boundaries.  He's just gradually unraveled her from his life a little more each time she does something weird or creepy or out of line.  She pops up less often, but hasn't given up the ghost entirely.  I imagine there will be another text at some point asking if daughter got the gift (cake baking materials, something she's not been into for a long time), but I imagine that will also go unanswered.  Eventually, she'll figure it out, or she'll keep being ignored.

I don't feel bad for her because she is legitimately creepy.  He said she lives almost an hour away. WTF???  It's weird and desperate and sad, and hopefully she takes the hint.  I think that for a long time she was so glad to be BF's stand in gf even though they were broken up, and I'm betting that she carried a torch at least a little bit the whole time.  He is the one who ended it because he didn't see a future with her.  Anyway, she did this to herself, and she crossed lines and boundaries and gradually forced his hand...she forced him to see her as the nutter she was acting like.

I am perfectly fine with this method of dealing with the situation for the record.  Some people behave in such a way that they don't merit the effort of trying to explain why they're out of line, and I think this is one of those cases.  I don't think that even if he called her up and had this discussion with her that it would even register.  Sometimes silence speaks louder and more clearly than any words do. He tried with her for the first few months, but she simply couldn't and wouldn't respect that he was in a relationship, and luckily for me BF wouldn't tolerate that.

Thank you so much for all the thoughts and insight.  I know some would like it handled differently, but this is how he's handling it at this point, and hopefully it will work.  If she keeps pushing, maybe time for a real conversation will be appropriate, but right now this is the plan of action.  Every time she pops up, the little evil part of me thinks of this ecard I saw one time:

I know, I'm terrible, but COME ON.  ;-) Take a hint already!  I can't get over the fact that they dated nearly 8 years ago and she's still holding on this hard.  The important thing,though, is that BF recognized this was not cool and took (passive) actions accordingly.  So refreshing to be with someone who can put aside the fact that this is an ego booster and realize that respecting his current relationship is more important than having some ex still worship you and go to creepy levels to show her adoration.  ;-)